Northbaygrl

At this moment my A. is wasted, she has relapsed 5 times just in the last month, and the lies just keep getting worse. She wants help and says she is willing to go to an inpatient program. I found her a program and they can take her right now but I am at work and she lives 90 minutes away. I can't just leave work and I can't find her a friend that will take her...I am tired and done with all of this. Is it possible that some people just can't get better? No matter how many times they go to rehab/AA/Hospital? Should I just take her to the hospital? I am so overwhelmed...

MsGolightly

i'm so sorry you're going through this. my ex went to several treatment facilities and repeatedly relapsed. some become sober, some don't. i don't think there's any way to tell what will work for her, or if anything will work. i like to think there's hope for everyone, but they have to want it... badly. unfortunately, us wanting them to clean up their act seems to have no effect on them. i'm sorry that you're here, i wish i could tell you that it gets easier...

CE Girl

Hi Northbaygrl,,,

I'm sorry your getting "twisted" again. Thats the term I use for the knot you get in your stomach and the way your mind works when your A has disapointed, yet again.

My A has been to rehab a few times also. The first time, I went out of my way to get him there, keep him there, visit him, wash his underwear and bring him cigerettes. Boy, I was the good little codie.

He got out, lasted 3 day sober and ~bam~ he was drinking again

I know the diapointment, the sickness that comes over you and most of all, the "i can't take this anymore" feeling

I think, that last feeling was the begining of my "bottom"

i wish I could give you a magic cure. Instead all I can offer is an ear and my experience. I guess for me it came down to 2 people who needed "recovery". My A and me. Unfortuantly, one of us is going for it, the other stuck in the cycle

Peace

minnie

Welcome, hon.

Can she not get a cab? Or can she not call a friend to take her?

Hope you hang around here - the stick posts at the top are useful.

p.s. I'm not sure I would class 5 drunks in a month "relapses". Sounds like pretty continual drinking to me.

GlassPrisoner

If she wants help bad enough, she'll seek it out. Inpatient does no good without rigourous, daily follow up. They just get good & healtthy physically.

I go to AA six days a week. In my first 60 days, I walked. That's how I, and many like me, did it. That's probably how she's going to have to do it.

prodigal

Some people don't get better because they don't want to go through the struggle badly enough. Trying to fight the craving to drink one day at a time and suddenly having to face life on life's terms is difficult for someone who has been zoned out in laa-laa land for a long time.

The last time AH was in a 28-day rehab facility, I met with one of his counselors after he'd been in there two weeks and told her he wasn't going to make it. I realized that he could play the game well and say what was expected of him, but there were far too many underlying problems/issues. He wasn't willing to face his own problems, preferring to avoid life in general by getting drunk; thus, he never maintained sobriety for more than a few weeks.

Rehab #3 was "the charm" for me. I just worked on getting out of his way so he could work on drinking himself to death. Sad, but true.

dollydo

My Mom is an alcoholic, she has been drinking for 60+ years, will she ever get better,
NO, won't happen.

She is my Mom, so, I am sruck with her, if she wasn't my mother, I would have bid her a fond farewell 40 years ago.

If your "A" truely wants recovery, she would walk there if she had to. She would make arranghements to get there.

It is her problem, she created it, you didn't, it's up to her to resolve it.

Northbaygrl

Well her out-patient case worker took care of all of this for me...she ended up calling the police because my A wouldn't answer the phone (had passed out, go figure). They came and took her to the psych hospital...will she get the help she needs there? I doubt it, but maybe they will pass her on to the in-patient program at a place that will. I believe this is the last straw for me. Just wish she wasn't so damn wonderful when she is sober.

okay4now

I know that feeling all too well. Wish they weren't dammed wonderful when
they are sober. I'm living that one now.

newenglandgirl

Hello there Northbaygrl

It's amazing how a drop of wonderful can suck us in for so long.

I remember very well the times when I was trying desperately to get my STBXAH to go into a detox. I was sure that if I get him sober, even if just for a few days, that'd he'd be able to think clearly enough to finally want recovery. HA! I only wish it was that simple. He left after 3 days and started drinking even heavier. It is so sad. They are very sick people.

I am sorry you are going through this. You've gotten good advice from the others: it must be her who wants to quit. Otherwise, it's a waste of time.

I never thought I'd ever be able to to leave my AH and know that he was drinking himself to death...but it finally gets to the point where you either leave, or go down with the ship.



Wow! Sounds like SF has a pretty sweet system...I've never heard of a case worker for alcoholics! What a wonderful resource for both you and your AGF.