Not sure where to post this
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Not sure where to post this
but I'm hoping to get some feedback.Sorry if its long..
I"ve got a tad bit over 90 days sober. I've been going to meetings at least 5 times a week, and I'm working on getting a sponsor. My partner, A, is also in recovery though she has 6 years this summer. She's just moved in (:-)) but the problem I'm having is with my ex H.
We have a big ole 150 year old house. For our children, and financially, we decided to each live here, though convert it back into a two family. We are both devoted to our children. We get along for the most part.
My problem is, he isn't motivated to complete "his" side of the house in any way, shape or form. He has his room there, and its pretty much good to go except he needs to set up his kitchen (hook up to gas) and run the hotwater line over (for showers) and hook up to cable/internet. Money has been a problem, I understand that, but I find myself making excuses for him not to complete it, and I'm getting frustrated with my inability to sit him down and tell him that he has to start living completely in his part of the house! Why am I doing this???
This week is his week with the kids, yet of course they are over with me cause I have the food, the tv, etc etc. I don't really mind that but I'm being used and I don't know how to stop it!! I said to A the other night on the way home from a meeting that ExH could use a 12 step program!!! And, yeah, she's ready to get on with our life together and is gently telling me to get him the heck out!
I'm sure to everyone the answer seems simple, yet I am afraid to cause waves with him...I know this is part of my alchie thinking..
Thanks for listening and any constructive advice would be appreciated..
I"ve got a tad bit over 90 days sober. I've been going to meetings at least 5 times a week, and I'm working on getting a sponsor. My partner, A, is also in recovery though she has 6 years this summer. She's just moved in (:-)) but the problem I'm having is with my ex H.
We have a big ole 150 year old house. For our children, and financially, we decided to each live here, though convert it back into a two family. We are both devoted to our children. We get along for the most part.
My problem is, he isn't motivated to complete "his" side of the house in any way, shape or form. He has his room there, and its pretty much good to go except he needs to set up his kitchen (hook up to gas) and run the hotwater line over (for showers) and hook up to cable/internet. Money has been a problem, I understand that, but I find myself making excuses for him not to complete it, and I'm getting frustrated with my inability to sit him down and tell him that he has to start living completely in his part of the house! Why am I doing this???
This week is his week with the kids, yet of course they are over with me cause I have the food, the tv, etc etc. I don't really mind that but I'm being used and I don't know how to stop it!! I said to A the other night on the way home from a meeting that ExH could use a 12 step program!!! And, yeah, she's ready to get on with our life together and is gently telling me to get him the heck out!
I'm sure to everyone the answer seems simple, yet I am afraid to cause waves with him...I know this is part of my alchie thinking..
Thanks for listening and any constructive advice would be appreciated..
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi,
Can you sit down with him and write out an agreement with a date specified when it will be complete? And, then stick to your boundaries. It sounds like he's going to need a bit of a push and is using you to his advantage.
Can you sit down with him and write out an agreement with a date specified when it will be complete? And, then stick to your boundaries. It sounds like he's going to need a bit of a push and is using you to his advantage.
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