The walls come crumbling down,,,,,

Old 05-30-2007, 03:49 PM
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The walls come crumbling down,,,,,

I ran into a mutual friend today. He asked me how my A was.

My first thought was VERY codie, LIE,,LOL Told myself I didn't want to deal with it. But then I thought, I've lived so much lie, and that is NOT my core. I'm the most honest and up front person I know. All done with compassion and no malice. Except when it came to my A

So, I told the truth.

I told him we were no longer together, that I hadn't seen him in 2 months.

He immediatly said he didn't think so and launched into seeing him yesterday. I mentioned, in fact, interputed and said, I prefer not to know my A's business. But he kept going. Some people huh?!?!

Anyway, I asked him again to please not mention the incident and wondered how his lovely wife was. He got the message finally

But not before my codie brain wrapped itself around what he DID say

Seems the walls are crumbling down. He's about to lose his truck and house. Has to file bankruptcy and needs to pay the lawyer up front. After he paid child support he had barely enough to live on before, but funny always enough to buy alcohol. I actually of course, bailed hims out a few times myself, making truck payments, paying ALL of his household expenses one month, and more. So, of course, I hear this and think, I need to come to his aide.

NOT

Let the walls come crumbling down

When I was full of anger, I would be reveling in delight right now

When I was so sad, I would be calling him to console him

When I was in denial, I would pay his bills

When I was begining to accept, I was making him stand on his own,,,,sometimes

When I learned to take care of myself, was the most I've ever loved him

Let the walls come crumbling down.

Peace
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Old 05-30-2007, 04:12 PM
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Amen.
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Old 05-30-2007, 05:20 PM
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it is what it is...
 
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Good Job CE girl - What kills me are the "mutual" friends who do that. They tell you all that stuff and it always makes me guarded about what they tell the A about me. I agree with you about telling the truth without malice. I try hard to but sometimes when I slip and get angry but I always correct myself. When I slip and get mad I tell our mutual friends that even though I am angry that they are not to take it as I want them to take my side. All of our friends (even the ones that I introduced him to) are told that I don't want them to not be his friend because of my feelings toward him. I reiterate this over and over. I don't want to be that person that tries to turn others against him. He does have good qualities and I understand that these people don't see all the bad. If they do in time, they can make thier own choice on continuing the friendship.

I have to tell myself a lot that crumbling walls for him can be a God send. That is the driving factor in my distance and coldness to him. I feel guilty sometimes and remind myself that it is best for him too, then I don't feel selfish. What a rollercoast. I hate alcoholism.

Hang in there!!! I'm proud of you!!
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Old 05-30-2007, 05:47 PM
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That is the driving factor in my distance and coldness to him.
Thank you Bjen, thats what ALL of this comes down to for me. It's not "codieism" but genuine love and compassion for another human being.

I also realized, even though I've been tormenting myself about all this being for not. That my A will get it, and move on without me. I knew that wouldn't happen. If I thought it would, I would have stayed.

I've been stripped of my denial.

You know what I WISH with ALL my heart, he HAD gotten it and moved on!!!

I've been given that "gift".

It's still not easy, and I struggle EVERY day with the decisions I've made. But I've made some. While he continues to try and hold the walls up, too "altered" to realize he'll be among the rubble, holding his bottle.

Peace
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Old 05-30-2007, 05:49 PM
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Sounds like validation to me. Another reminder that you are doing the right thing (esp. for yourself).
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Old 05-30-2007, 05:59 PM
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Originally Posted by CE Girl View Post
When I learned to take care of myself, was the most I've ever loved him
Wow, CE! You finally loved him enough to stop catching him before he hit bottom.

Good Job! See what all that plowing ahead has gotten you!


Originally Posted by CE Girl View Post
Let the walls come crumbling down.
LET IT BE!
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Old 05-30-2007, 06:01 PM
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Yes, Pick, validation and more importantly acceptance of the things I can not change.

I can finally say, I wish my A,,,,

Peace
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Old 05-30-2007, 06:14 PM
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Good for you CE !
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