Monkey on the back with a relapse
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Monkey on the back with a relapse
My bf had a relapse and it’s been like a domino effect. It all really started back in January when he hurt his back and a doctor gave him pain pills (which he used to be addicted to) he only took them for a week and then struggled for weeks after that. But like anything, he then convinced himself he could just smoke pot which he hid from me until about a week or two ago. The pot of course led to a few nights of coke use which led to him missing work the days after. He has a very good history with work and never misses a day but it’s the chain reaction to his actions that he is now having to face. He stopped using a week ago and he’s been so stressed and filled with anxiety and having this moneky on his back. He got into an argument with his boss which led him to quit his job last Wednesday. He hates himself right now and can’t believe he had done this to himself once again. He is going to out-patient tomorrow for an intake interview and he already got a new job yesterday which he will start next Monday.
He seems to be trying very hard with getting back on track but he has such anger and resentments he just won’t let go of. He hates AA and feels he doesn’t need to be there because he doesn’t desire drinking it’s the drugs he has a problem with. The NA meetings in our area he says are filled with scum bags who are still using and it’s more or less a place to hook up for drugs. Last night he went to a meeting and walked out after 20 minutes because the guy running the meeting was the same guy his friend bought pot from the week before.
I know there is nothing I can do to help him right now. He is edgy and so filled with anxiety his moods swings are off the wall. He has reached out to past sponsors these last few days and is staying away from his friend who is still using.
I am hoping this out-patient takes his insurance and he can afford the co-payments to go through this intense program of 4 nights a week 3 hours a night with drug testing but I think it lasts 12 weeks or something like that. Today his mother told him she would not help him (I can’t blame her she’s helped him so much over the years especially the early years) and now he is hating his family and bla bla bla and saying it’s not going to work (the out-patient) he can’t afford it and he has no hope his life is ever going to get any better quack quack quack…….
I guess I just needed to vent and some prayers this out-patient treatment might work.
He seems to be trying very hard with getting back on track but he has such anger and resentments he just won’t let go of. He hates AA and feels he doesn’t need to be there because he doesn’t desire drinking it’s the drugs he has a problem with. The NA meetings in our area he says are filled with scum bags who are still using and it’s more or less a place to hook up for drugs. Last night he went to a meeting and walked out after 20 minutes because the guy running the meeting was the same guy his friend bought pot from the week before.
I know there is nothing I can do to help him right now. He is edgy and so filled with anxiety his moods swings are off the wall. He has reached out to past sponsors these last few days and is staying away from his friend who is still using.
I am hoping this out-patient takes his insurance and he can afford the co-payments to go through this intense program of 4 nights a week 3 hours a night with drug testing but I think it lasts 12 weeks or something like that. Today his mother told him she would not help him (I can’t blame her she’s helped him so much over the years especially the early years) and now he is hating his family and bla bla bla and saying it’s not going to work (the out-patient) he can’t afford it and he has no hope his life is ever going to get any better quack quack quack…….
I guess I just needed to vent and some prayers this out-patient treatment might work.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
So...what are you doing for YOU to get through this stuff? How it affects you is every bit as important as what he needs to do for himself. I remember when my ex-a relapsed, I would completely forget to pay attention to what I needed for my own sanity.
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
My b/f had a relapse, too. He doesn't like NA either. He said that there was not
one person there that he would ask to be his sponsor.
His relapse made me sad. I am working on not taking it personal. And I'm trying
to control my anger.
The out-pt. might work, if he is dedicated to quitting.
Take care of yourself.
one person there that he would ask to be his sponsor.
His relapse made me sad. I am working on not taking it personal. And I'm trying
to control my anger.
The out-pt. might work, if he is dedicated to quitting.
Take care of yourself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I am continuing to go to al-anon, talk with my sponsor and come here. I am really taking care of me and letting him take care of himself. I don't have those overwhelming feelings of having to check up on him by calling him frequently during the day, I have backed off way off. We talk about it but only when he brings it up. He's opened up more these last few days and I think it's because I backed off and didn't have the reaction of freaking out I am much more calm and controlling myself.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am glad you have your recovery.we are blessed that we work it.it sure sounds like he may not be ready for the out patienet treatment.i hope he is & i hope he goes.let us know how you are.take care of you.prayers for you & him,hope
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: South Africa
Posts: 138
[QUOTE=My b/f had a relapse, too. He doesn't like NA either. He said that there was not
one person there that he would ask to be his sponsor.
Wow, talk about a willingness to do whatever is required. When I went into recovery, I decided to do whatever was required. A big part of that was learning to put my EGO aside, and accept I was just like all the other people in the meetings - a common ol addict!
sigh!
one person there that he would ask to be his sponsor.
Wow, talk about a willingness to do whatever is required. When I went into recovery, I decided to do whatever was required. A big part of that was learning to put my EGO aside, and accept I was just like all the other people in the meetings - a common ol addict!
sigh!
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
Calabash, I agree. He goes to AA.
When I asked why he didn't like NA. He said that those people are like the
people that hang out in crack houses.
I looked him in the eyes and said, "You're a crack head."
He said, "Yeah, but I don't hang out in crack houses". Whatever.
And he did not do everything required - barely attempted. In 6 wks I could count
the mtgs. on one hand. And, surprise - he's relapsed. What a shock! (Humor)
When I asked why he didn't like NA. He said that those people are like the
people that hang out in crack houses.
I looked him in the eyes and said, "You're a crack head."
He said, "Yeah, but I don't hang out in crack houses". Whatever.
And he did not do everything required - barely attempted. In 6 wks I could count
the mtgs. on one hand. And, surprise - he's relapsed. What a shock! (Humor)
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
spiritual seeker, I am trying to figure that one out.
Right now I am doing nothing. He has used for 2 weekends. I 'm not calling him.
I'm doing nothing. Now he is calling me and his daughter.
The question you asked weighs heavily on my mind.
Right now I am doing nothing. He has used for 2 weekends. I 'm not calling him.
I'm doing nothing. Now he is calling me and his daughter.
The question you asked weighs heavily on my mind.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I guess it comes down to is the pain of staying more then the pain of leaving.
For me he's taking the right steps, got into an out-patient treatment program which drug tests and so far seems to be committed to getting clean. Time will tell but while he was clean we sat down and discussed our relationship. I made it very very clear that this is the last time for me to go through his using and if after completeing this program he uses again I'm gone. We even talked about that at family night at his treatment center the other night and he fully understands but doesn't want that to happen so like I said we'll see. I think his relapse was short lived but was heading in a bad direction and direction I chose not to go.
For me he's taking the right steps, got into an out-patient treatment program which drug tests and so far seems to be committed to getting clean. Time will tell but while he was clean we sat down and discussed our relationship. I made it very very clear that this is the last time for me to go through his using and if after completeing this program he uses again I'm gone. We even talked about that at family night at his treatment center the other night and he fully understands but doesn't want that to happen so like I said we'll see. I think his relapse was short lived but was heading in a bad direction and direction I chose not to go.
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