Alive

So today i am thinking how we use others actions as an excuse not to move on.I don't mean to say that all the pain in the world and put upon us isn't grueling, it is.But here's the deal; is it better to move on and be happy or to dwell on somebody who does not deserve a thought of ours..?..So if i take the responsibility for my recovery what am i left with? Only one answer, i have to make it.Because now i can't say oh you did this to me so i'm gonna ruin my life.Imagine i am in Heaven's court, and God says; why the hell did you f***up the only chance i gave you?I mean it's not like a game where you have 3000 lives before next level.That was it, and you spent all that time blaming a person who wasn't worthy either of your good or bad times?C'mon i have to do something more with my life than complain about my pain, my hurt and my tremendous bad times.I am sorry, but, even tough i am human, i am a little thing with big powers.And so i still have a total responsibility towards my own life.Depression makes you forget that you're the reason why you're miserable.Like one person told me here, only i can let somebody get me down.I am responsible for my being.So i am acknowledging i have let people get me down.I could've kept going, i wasn't ready to do that. I mean does it take 8 years of destruction to move on.Well then i learned my lesson.Yes it's time.I am not going to loose it because of something unworthy...I mean i don't know what's beyond life.I have no clue.I believe it, but still who told me to live in pain?Not even Jesus said that! Although his message has been changed through centuries he was quite a modern dude..And my Higher Power will be happy if choose to live a life without self guilt or society's impositions.I wasn't brave enough to say before that i am good enough to hear opinions and believe my instincts are right.I am strong enough now to believe that when my self love says don't give up, it is right.That when i feel something is ok, it is ok, because what works for me, works for me, works for my joy and my particularity in a world of individuality.I know putting people in boxes is much easier for people.But difference is more common than its opposite.And i differ because i won't have a foot in the past and another in the future and having to clean today because i ate some spicy food....lol.So i clean the mess i made and next time i go for Chinese while standing on today..by the way fish with sweet and sour sauce kills me...roflmfao

So taking responsibility for where i am today.Cuz i am a product of what i did..And i know there are contradictions to this theory but in general cases, of health, it does verify itself.And over thinking the past what can it do? If there is no learning with mistakes you keep repeating them....I stop, i look and i dig in and i understand i forget about blame, guilt, whatever, what i have to pay for, i will pay anyway but what i can do now is not even imaginable, because God can dream a bigger dream for me.And it's all i can do.It's sad but it's true i can't change it.So i might as well kick a** in the future.

So Moving on...i'm sorry there's no more time to dwell..i just have no time to spare for negativity.positive anytime!Thinking about what takes to get from A to B.....



thanks for letting me share.y'all take care!

Toomutch

Karim, does this mean you are leaving SR?

Alive

Talking about my past...my guilt and my dwelling...of course i love SR...it is my support group....

i was just sharing...cuz i've been stuck and i no longer want to live a whole day in function of what i should have done....The thread is only me sharing my need to stop dwelling on the past and start living.Just that...and it's a big issue for me, that's why i wanted to share.A lot of the reasons for my previous problems were exactly the fact i did not move on..Now i want to focus on now...but i love this place too much.lol

thanks T!

Astro

From the book Language Of Letting Go:

Moving On

Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
--Codependent No More

Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.

This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.

Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.

Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.

If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.

We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.

Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.

Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.

Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.

We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.

No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.

Our needs will get met.

Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.

Pilgrim

Hi Karim,

Thanks. This post helps me. I go off to work trying not to have any resentments but by the time I leave, I am FULL of them. This is a good reminder. I can't afford them.

Astro

That reading is mostly about relationships, but can be applied to just about anything.

Nothing changes if I don't change, and most of my changes have been made when the pain is too great to bear.

GlassPrisoner

The 4th step will take care of that.

I remember the past, but I don't dwell on it. I have no regret, nor residual resentments.

Alive

I need to get that book....Astro..wow..exactly on point...

thanks Steph...let's just learn to let go!

and Glass you always come up with the perfect step...