thiskidknows

Sorry for posting again, I just need to write some words down. I've been trying to keep myself busy..I went out and I keep seeing him, I try to be normal, not to let the pain show but I can't switch it off, my friend called and wants to share a joint and have a drink and the temptation is too strong, I've taken tramadol and my anti-depressant and now I feel worse. Sorry

Behind the mask u do not see
all the pain that is killing me
I can hide all the feelings inside
no one cares that the real me has died

I climb the walls of insanity
I Ride the waves of despair
If I fall it don't matter
There's no one to care

I Lock it all up inside
How badly that bodes
Look out for that one day
When it all just explodes

The real me no one see's
u can't remove my mask, for the light will blind me
Living in the dark, under my shell
for I can't tell of my living hell

laughing, joking and playing
acting the fool so u don't stray
its not pretence, this would be me
if abuse had not got to me

I can talk for the Uk
let everyone think I'm ok
I can be the clown,
I can't let myself shutdown

I always have a smile on my face
but in my eyes the sorrow shows
I cover the bruises of past abuse.
no one needs to know of my blues

I hide the shame and guilt.
knowing my life can't be rebuilt
I hide the truth, I've learnt my lesson
My mask, my walls will not be broken.

thiskidknows

shush little one and close ur eyes
ur find peace on the otherside
no more pain, no more frights
you be more then alright
nana will love you, she will hold u tight
for me and u need we have to part.
you can play with the other ones
but tonight we have to say they won.
so close ur eyes little one, cause tonite
we say goodbye and goodnite.

in the skies above we fly,
free from pain trouble and strife
no more fights, no wonders of why
no more turning a complete blind eye.
no more doubting, no more fights
free from such those long long nites.

thru heaven gates we will pass
forgetting everything from the past
the angels smile as u walk through
holding ur hand and guiding you.
teaching u about love and care
never again will anyone stare
you feel the feeling u never felt before
not at least ur no one's *****.

like a seed of life...I did once bud
but u decided that it had to stop.
u broke my stem, pulled my petals
left me dying on the side walk.

who are u calling me name,
dragging me into a life of darkness & syns
u hurt me, destroyed me and then let me go
now I will never again live to grow.

ur here with me now
pushing and pulling
breaking my soul
ur hitting me with another blow.

she wants to come out
but I'm standing my ground
u can't do this to me anymore
u have to stop and let go

please little one leave me alone
I promise in heaven u will grow
I can't help you, but I love u, u know
but I can't fight u, u have to let go

indigo

You are already 'getting it all out' by writing, it's very healing keep on doing it, it helps you and others too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions with us.

indigo

thiskidknows

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, talking **** again..sorry

the seed of a life, a gift from up above
Life starts as a bud, as u start the journey of life.
it starts to open and grow with love and care
some don't make it that far and die as a bud
some start to grow but then get pulled apart and die
some roses grow and grow to become full of life and bright
I'm a black rose with no petals
one petal was stolen from the man I thought loved me,
a petal to symbolise love, or was it something else
with one petal missing people noticed me
someone else takes a petal,
now the rose starts to fade and wilt
the life is being drawn
Must I stand out in the croud
another petal stolen, unable to fight back
my body begins to starve from rejection.
then he comes along, with 3 missing petals I'm an easy target.
he rips the remain petals from me, leaving me naked and broken
he took the last remaining breath I had, the last bit of hope I had
All thats left of the life is a stem thats broken, bent, kicked, destroyed and dying.
Roses can't refind the petals, u can't rebuild the flower..
roses with broken and torn petals are dead.

teej

Hiya lost!!! (((((((J)))))))))
Check your email agin

Your poems today are beautiful. Keep them coming. I keep running in here to see if there's new ones. And just like indigo said, it helps you and it helps others.
So it's about dinner time there now huh? What are you having?? I'm going to make
taco's tonight. Last night was pizza, cuz I was too pooped to cook, hehe!
I'm thinking that in a little while after I've had MORE cups of coffee, I'm going to
tackle our bedroom closet. Need to switch everything around. Winter stuff to
summer stuff, and vaccume under the shoes......bla bla, you know what I mean

I actually did something really stupid yesterday-- I forgot to mention in my emails. I put moss killer all around our deck that goes around the house, cuz the wood gets
so slippery when I water. Well, like a dork I'm walking around on it for a few hours with no shoes on and now I have open sores on the bottom of feet! ........lesson learned, dont ever do THAT again! Thank god the cat was in the house the whole time!

cyberwolf

You really do have a wonderful talent and apart from us who's names and stories you know, I bet there are plenty of "lurkers" who get a lot out of reading your amazing words.

I think the idea earlier about letting your counsellor read some of them would be great, even print off whole thread and posts just so that you don't have to talk, beacause your writing does a power of talking.

Chilli and pitta bread for tea here TJ!

Big hugs Lost
x

teej

Chilli and pitta bread????? YUMMO! Well if I were rich I would jump on a plane and come eat dinner with ya.

thiskidknows

Yeap its dinner time, I'm gonna try some toast, sorry not very intresting but its all I eat at the moment, that and porridge. Gonna check my emails now..I done that the other week, sorted winter and summer clothes out, but the winter clothes are back out again....ouch ur feet, that has to be well painful.

I will print them off, but I don't like reading them back I write them and that's it, never read them...my counsellor will want me to read them .

I will try and write some more poems 2nite, although at the moment I can't guarentee they will be nice, cause I'm having a rubbish day and getting grrrrrrrrr.