HKAngel24

Good Morning all. Hope everyone had a splendid holiday.

Trying to do a bit of mental work lately. I've come to understand that I am powerless over others and that in my attempts to "let go" I must refocus my energies on what I CAN change- myself.

Trouble is that when I DO focus on myself I'm not exactly sure what to do. It takes alot not to engage in self-loathing OR when I try to focus on me, feel like I'm sitting there empty handed. At one time I DID focus on me, but somewhere along the line with the addict I seemed to have shed myself of my own life and became enmeshed with them as the source for my happiness and self-worth. Being faced with such emptiness and difficulty in keeping the focus on myself (because it is really uncomfortable and just FEELS wrong) is really tripping me up.
As I am turning back to look at myself and see what I CAN control- I am overwhelmed- I have forgotten that I can be likable in anyway and can barely discern any individual personality at this point. This is in addition to not having a clue what I like or enjoy that does not depend on the presence of another individual.

I think that the underlying current of feeling that I'm not WORTHY and DESERVING in many ways - to create my own happiness- runs deep.
Does it get easier?

Jewelz

Heather, when we lose ourself to our addict it is extremely hard to find ourselves again. I had to force myself to do things for me even if I didnt feel up to it. What helped for me in the begining was getting my hair done or buying myself flowers. Anything that would lift my spirits up. Take it one step at a time and remember you come first.

hugs,
Jewel

Mavis

Remember what it was like when you were a child and you had SO many asperations?
Write them down. Write down in a diary all the goals you have. Write down the things YOU would like to accomplish. Write down all the things that make YOU happy. Bubble bath? Walking in the park? Laughter..

It helps to get everything out on paper as a start.

Have a better day (((hugs)))

cece1960

Yes...it does get easier.
One of the hardest parts for me was deciding who "I" was in the first place.
My addict is my son, so combining that hurt with the fact that all three of my kids were becoming young adults responsible for their own decisions was very difficult for me.
Just who was I, and what did "happy" mean? It certainly wasn't what happy meant 10 years ago.
I started slow...giving myself a good movie night (I'm one of those saps that love to cry like a baby over a chick flick.)
Went shopping, changed my look.
Had lunch with friends that I hadn't seen for a while.
Did something nice for my neighbor who's elderly.
Slowly...and I mean S-l-o-w-l-y...I began to feel different, smile more, feel content.
Its a process but well worth it.
Keep coming here...we're here for you
((((hugs))))
Cece

Lobo

I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Somedays better than others. I used to feel like someday this will all be better.......it can't stay the same, nothing ever does. But lately I'm feeling like the future is bleak. I don't mean to be negative, I have just been down a lot lately. It seems a lot of us around here have been feeling this way lately. I don't know something in the air. I guess we just get tired of it all. In the meantime I am trying to get back here and read more and post a little more. I am going to get my hair done, and get a manicure and pedicure.
The sun is shinning today, I hope it shines on you and me.

Hugs............Lo