oneeyeopen

I have been concerned about my daughter's drug experimentation but for a long time it seemed like the typical teenage thing. Then she stopped the hard drugs altogether for a year and only drank at parties.

well, she has had a really hard year, and she got some things organzied for herself, but other things have not worked out and in the last few months she has started to do drugs again.

I look at drug use like this -- there is the fun stage -- the occasional user who does it at a party, but then puts it down and doesn't bother again.

the escape stage -- the person who was doing it just for fun now does it to escape from their troubles

and that of course leads to addiction -- needs it physically, mentally..

and I would say that my daughter is firmly in the escape stage. and I am really really worried about her. she is right at a terrible age for this -- 19, surrounded by drugs, the age where you experiment with things, and then having all these tough troubles that you want to escape from.

She has started to describe her drug use as more and more frequent, and in ways that drug addicts do, that unbelievable need to numb. She never spent her own money on drugs, just used what was offered at a party, and she never used on her own, but in the last few months she has started both those things and says that she can't get to sleep without smoking hash.

then today she says she is almost never sober anymore.

UCK, after all I went through with abf I can't beleive this is starting up again with her.

and to make matters worse, she lives 3000 miles away, in europe, and I have no money to see her or get her here, and her father is absolutely, completely ineffectual so even though he lives near-by he won't do anything about it.

but then again, can anyone do anything about it???

I do know that she is supposed to start seeing a shrink soon, perhaps that will help. one thing is a boyfriend who uses drugs, but a kid...cripes, how am I going to cope with that? especially if I can't even be there to help.

and is there anyway you can get a 19 year old to stop doing something they want to do anyway????

well, as my mother tells me-- let go and let god (she is well-versed al-anoner)

parentrecovers

i would encourage her to get to that counselor. and tell her your concerns. she's young at 19, and will most likely appreciate your guidance, on some level anyway?

blessings, k

BigSis

(((Oneeyeopen))) I suppose the good thing is that it ISN'T right on your doorstep. At least from a distance you can choose to believe she is ok ... ((hugs)). This is the sort of mind game I had to play for myself when my daughter was out there.

I suppose you can always have the phone numbers available for groups - even in Europe - for addiction, in case she reaches out. AA is international.

I wish you the best... and include you both in my prayers.

hope213

i am sorry about your daughter.i hope she gets the help she needs before it gets really out of hand. there is nothing you could do if you lived there but pray.i will say a prayer for her & for you.hugs,hope

marle

Sending some hugs and prayers for you and your daughter. It is such a tough age and made even tougher with drugs. I pray she finds her way. Hugs, Marle

OurBigSecret

One good thing is, since your daughter is obviously willing to tell you about these things and talk to you it sounds like she wants help with her drug problem. Only she can change. You can only be there for her and support her in what she does. I don't know if 19 year olds listen to what us mothers say. I know my 14 year old doesn't. lol But keep talking, even if they aren't 'listening' chances are they 'hear' what you are saying, and they won't forget that you are there for them.
I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Good Luck!

Ann

I'm sending hugs and prayers for your daughter also, that she find a better path soon.

AA and NA are worldwide and perhaps she could connect with someone from either of these groups...when she is ready.

Hugs

Hangin' In

That well versed mama of yours is leading you on the right path. Your daughter's HP has her and you know the drill....Step One....you are powerless over her or her drug using just like with abf.

Use the same thing you've learned re abf and apply it to the daughter. I know how hard it is, but there is not one thing you can do to change another person. Only person we can change is ourselves.

As a mom of an AD I know the best thing I can do is keep my mouth shut. I always wanted to give just a little advice, if you know what I mean. When I keep my mouth shut and am there to listen, I find that both of my daughters, one addicted and one not, are more apt to come to me when they need help. No guarantees, but I'm going with the odds.

Big hugs cause I know how we mamas can worry,

Hangin' In

Ladybugg

My son is still in the experimental stage, to my knowledge anyway. I worry, especially since his father is an addict and it seems to run in his family. However my son is sure that he would NEVER try anything other than marijuana (which is bad enough if you ask me). He is so sure that he is in complete control. I figure that if he does have an "addictive personality" or the "gene" there is not much I can do about it now. I tell him what I think though, and what I know. I always talk to him but really at 19, he thinks he knows what he is doing. I experimented a lot...I guess I never had that need to numb. I hope he don't either. I know there would be no stopping him. I think like others said, if they reach out and want help we can point them in the right direction.

We have to keep praying, your mom is right.!!
Hugs, Michelle