lostparent

Why do some people just keep lying an lying even though they've been caught? Plus then they get mad at you for catching them in the lie. An it's not just drug addicts, exsoninlaw was the same way an he didn't use drugs. It just makes me so pissed, I want to smack 'em ! Also why do addicts, even when they're not messed up continue to do stupid, stupid things.
Sorry but AD was at it again today an I just had to get this out. Maybe I should smack her. I swing between thinking I hate her, to feeling sorry for her because she has lost her mind. Like others kids on here this girl was not raised to lie, steal, to be so so stupid. ( it's the only word I can think to call at the moment). She had a very caring heart, now I wonder if she even as a heart.
Now having said all this I will go back to trying to " Let go an let God"
Again sorry for the rant, I think I'm calming down some now.

Hangin' In

Lostparent,

I've been right there with you, not believing that the daughter I raised was behaving and talking in such a way. After all, we did not raise them to be that way, right? And those feelings of hating and loving all at the same time were the same for me. I think we all pretty much go through that.

Just because an addict isn't messed up at the moment, doesn't mean the addiction still isn't controlling them. The addiction alters their ability to think clearly whether sober (at the moment) or strung out. It takes some time before rational behavior begins to reappear.

And some people are just liars....sad but true. Don't have to be an addict to lie. I've seen people who find it easier to lie than tell the truth. How crazy is that!

You hang in there. Try to get the focus back on you. I know when I found myself where all my thoughts were of what my AD was or wasn't doing, my serenity was right out the window. Thank the Lord meetings and this board taught me to realize when I started down that deadend road with those thoughts. I'd slam on the brakes and tell myself I wasn't going there. And then I'd whip myself around and make myself think of something else. Sometimes I had to physically get up and do something else or go somewhere, but I found it worked.

So, slam on those brakes, if you can, and head toward a more pleasant place, in your head, at least. Or we could plan a trip...

Big hugs cause this mama sure understands,

Hangin' In

lostparent

Thanks for understanding. Coming here has helped me so much an up until today I had been doing better. I swear I was..LOL..

caileesnana

There is no pain like that of your child. I wish I knew some answers, I don't. I only know there is faith, hope and the "greateast of these is love".
You and your daughter are in my prayers
susan

lostparent

Thanks for the prayers.

caughtinthemid

Your message remind me of my Mom being with me in labor and delivery with my first child (I was only 19 at the time) and her telling me later she wished she could just climb up on that table and take my place. It hurts so much to see our kids suffer, even if it is self inflicted when the answer is right in front of their faces... JUST STOP!!!!!!!!!!

But I had to deliver that baby myself and no one could do it for me. Neither can we do anything to stop our addict kids from suffering as long as they choose to use. We did not make them addicts and we cannot cure them, but we can control how much space we let them rent in our heads and hearts,and continue to love them while not allowing us to hurt them anymore. Theoretically. Still working on that let go and let God thing. I tend to "give it up to God" and then wait and see if he will really fix it before I let go.

Sending peaceful vibes your way, from one mother to another!

lostparent

Your right the answers are right in front of their faces, she even will set an tell me what she needs an wants to do, then adb calls an away she goes. It's just so stressful to watch her come so close only to fall again.
But I'm getting better at letting go, taking it one day at a time. Just when she chooses adf an dope over what is best for her son, I loss it.

oneeyeopen

it is really annoying too when the liars fabricate even more and more things to try to make the first lie actually seem like the truth. I think they get so caught in their web that they no longer know what is true. or maybe they have said it so many times before that they have started to believe it themselves. and of course they are in denial too.

basically i just had to learn that with an addict -- there is no logic. I kept thinking that if I could just figure it out, figure out the logic in it, then I could understand it and be able to deal with it, but fact is -- no logic at all, no rational, at any rate not that us non-addicts can understand.

Spiritual Seeker

When I couldn't believe my AS would lie and steal I was told "that is what addicts He tells me that he lies habitually even in situations where it isn't even significant like what kind of burrito he ate. The addicted brain has no morals. it is impossible to believe our kids that we spent 18 yrs. teaching values and morals to could end up this way. No way we can begin to comprehend this. But I have to accept it.

lostparent

oneeye....Your right they do just keep adding to it, they can be real inventive when they are trying to cover up the first lie. An while I can see why they would lie about getting or using drugs I don't see why they lie about other things. Maybe it's just became a way of life for them. We would make ourselves crazy trying to figure out what goes on in their heads.

sprit..I know what you mean by the burrito.. As sad as it is I have accepted that my daughter lies an steals, but will never understand why she repeatedly ,more or less bites the hand that feeds her. Like others on here up until she started using she lived by the values an morals she was taught. She wasn't abused her father an I have been married 34 yrs I can't think of one thing that happened to her to cause this. When I meet new people that know she's an addict I want to say... Hey we're not bad people we have 2 normal kids that are great people !! This site has helped me so much I thank God that I found it.
We went to our grandsons kindergarten graduation the other day an I sit there looking at all these innocent little kids, wondering how many will become addicts. There needs to be more drug education, maybe show they before an after pics of addicts.

tropikgal2

Some people lie just to be lying!! I have known so many people that it's like lying is their second nature!! Or at least "embellishing" the truth. Sad!!

hope213

you did good to come & rant as you call it.we all have each other for that.i do not know why people lie. my sober daughter will lie to me at times.she says that she does it to protect me.it it always about a.s. i guess she is postponing my hurt. prayers for you & your daughter today.

helpus

Lost, I understand your frustration. It is so very hard as parents watching ur kids self destruct. My 21 yr old daughter just had 30 days clean this last sat. I don't know if you remember, her last relapse, she ended up shooting up heroin. She told me she just wasn't ready to be clean. That she was trying to justify in her mind that it wouldn't be that bad cuz she had 6 months clean before. Will this be the time she does it? I just don't know. It looks very good at this point, she is doing many thngs differently, but time will tell.
When you say " When I meet new people that know she's an addict.." I learned a long time ago to let go of any embarrasment about my daughter being an addict. I have been surprised how many people have a friend or relative that is an addict & understands. The people that do not get it I figure are lucky that they have not had to deal with it. But the ones that judge my daughter or myself are not the kinds of people I tend to befriend to begin with so I really don't care what they think.
Refresh my memory, is your daughter living with you? I hope she soon tires of her life & wants to get better. Sending prayers & hugs.

rozied

I am coming in here late but the same as most of us here & I raised my AS to be honest. When he was like 8 or 9 yrs old there was a carnival near our house. I took my kids there & when we got home I saw scrapes all along my son's forearms. Found out him & a friend were sticking their arms up the quarter machine game & stealing quarters. I brought him to the owner & made him give the money back & apologize for stealing. This was long before any addiction came into his life. He has stolen all along no matter what I did. My younger son on the other hand wouldn't steal anything. They were raised the same. Why does one steal & not the other? I wish I knew.
Diane

lostparent

Helpus....She is living here but her an abf are trying to find a place, she's gone most of the time with him. We put up with way more than we should out of her because of her 4yr son, he likes that he gets to see her a few times a week. Last week adb's parents more or less kicked him out, he's aloud to go there to eat an take baths but not sleep there.. So the last 3 nights him an ad have been sleeping in a tent in the woods.

parentrecovers

my anger and frustration always comes down to fear. letting go is the answer, but i understand that it is difficult to do. blessings, k

lostparent

That's another thing why do so many of them start using again after being clean for long periods of time? AD was in jail for 3 months so the drugs were out of her system, she would even say she never wanted to go through withdrawal again an how she hated living that kind of life. Then BAM 4 wks out of jail an back to shooting up. I will never understand.
Oh an ..rozied ..I did more or less the same thing when AD was 10 her an some new friends were messing around in a house they were building across the road from us..well things got broken an the cops stopped the next day to ask if I'd see anything. After putting 2 an 3 together I figured out they had done it, so I called the cop an told him. She had never done anything like that before so I thought she needed to learn a lesson, all he did was talk to her. Guess my idea of teaching her a lesson didn't work. Then again she never did anything like that again..LOL Now she lies an steals.
Feeling better this morning an now I will go back to taking it " one day at a time" Wasn't there a song that said something like" there's got to be a morning after if we can hold on through the night" ? Going to work on making myself better for now.
Thanks everyone for the support.

hope3

Lostparent, my prayers go out to you..

Hope3

Wascally Wabbit

As for me, I heard absolutely nothing but lies. Everything that came out of my son's mouth was a lie. I guess the more they tell the more they begin to believe they're telling the truth.

lostparent

I ask her today if she didn't see what kind of example she was setting for her son, she didn't answer just walked away. She gets mad at him if he lies an he's only 4 so she knows it's wrong.