kglast

i know there are several of us in this forum that have recently seperated from our A's after years of being in a relationship...i have found myself terribly missing the physical part of our relationship which was always very good (it has been 5 weeks).

i do not feel ready to move on with someone else and i am definitely NOT WILLING to go back to him....so in the meantime, there is NOTHING. no affection, hugs, or any of the rest of it. i am having a very hard time dealing with this as i am a very affectionate person by nature...

just wondering if anyone else is going through the same thing and if so, how are you dealing with it?

chero

Thank you for posting this, KG! I'm struggling with this, too!

CE Girl

Ahhhhhhhhh,,another SISTA!! The "family" os growing.

Don't ya find it ironic that when you most NEED the affection its not there?

Don't ya find it ironic that the one person who can GIVE you that affection is absent?

Don't ya find it ironic that the person thats absent ISN'T the A, but YOURSELF?!?!?

Maybe we shold practice affection, HUGS and the rest of it on OURSELVES?

Wow,,ya think?!?!?!?!

Peace

denny57

There's no getting around missing the sex. Affection can be had from many sources. If good sex is a good enough reason for staying in an alcoholic relationship, you have to consider the payoff. Time passes and new sexual opportunities present themselves.

None of it's easy, but all of it's worth it.

WantsOut

eh, that's why they invented the jackrabbit *snort*

Pony

I found that when my long term relationship ended, I also missed the physical affection.... not just talking about sex either. There's more to physical then the act of sex.... there is holding and hugging and just the occasional pat on the back, the companionship of a relationship. Well, I developed more friendships and for the most part it helped in some of those areas. Of course it's everything, but it helps to get through.

mrthirdeyeching

Thanks for sharing.

Maybe you've got to decide what's more important to you. Are you putting your recovery first?

I'm not saying don't have sex every again. Maybe you ought to get right with your higher power before you step into another relationship or try to go back to the old one.

dobiediva

That was always how I got sucked back into the chaos. My ABF and I had amazing chemstry--something I had never ever had before. It was the most intense feeling I've ever felt. But ya know what? where did it get me?! Even now I still can't move on. He's facing a year in jail. I don't think I'll even know if I'll be able to move on THEN! But at least he won't be around to remind me. Normally once I see him or smell him, feel him, hear him I'm sucked right back in. A year in jail would probably be the best thing I can hope for. Maybe it will be what I need to finally be free. I wish I knew.

mallowcup

It's OK not to have something you need emotionally right away. It will serve as inspiration when you are ready.

GlassPrisoner

I know what you mean. That's the one aspect of our relationship that was really (really) good. But it wasn't enough for me to stay.

Since I've worked my steps, God seems to have lifted my obsession with sex. As far as the cuddling though......

*sigh*

Yeah, I miss it.

At least I get hugs from my kids & at AA. Human touch is very powerful. I remember reading in Soci 101 that people get haircuts sometimes just to experience touch.

kglast

thanks everyone....touch is very powerful and that is what i miss the most (ok, well maybe as much as the sex.. )...i am doing kind things for myself and being good to myself and Wants - i am down with the jackrabbit..haha but it can't hold you and stroke your hair, and...etc...

lillian

i haven't had any intimacy for four months- sometimes it feels like i never will have that again. but what can you do about a thing like that? that seems like something i can't control, but i can control going to the gym, eating right, being available to my current friends, putting more into my current situations, so that's where i'm at... i do sometimes feel so envious of my husband, who has a hot young girlfriend-i think they must be having so much new sexual adventure and i feel like there must be something wrong with me, i have no sexual confidence left. my husband used to tell me he couldn't believe he had me, i was every man's dream-- i lapped that right up. now i am dining on neglect and rejection... it isn't as nice, that's for sure.

guineapigjude

Had a chuckle over this one! AH came over for some business Saturday, and to spend time with our daughter. (He has visitation as long as I don't see/smell any evidence of use.) He was in a surly mood and being irrationally nasty about terms of the divorce. He left to take my daughter for a walk on the beach, and I was beside myself with anger/fear/confusion. When he came back, his mood was totally different and he was so pleasant, I nearly hugged him when he walked by, as it seemed the H I used to know before - he morphed into AH- had made an appearance. I caught myself just in time, and was scared to see how quickly I'd fall right back into it if he were receptive!

sugarpup

"if he were receptive" good point... thank goodness mine is not receptive or charming in any way because I feel so sad about it ending and want, something, anything to get us back together!

as far as the sex, I'm in a different boat, we hadn't had sex for over a year when we separated last summer so it's been a LONG time for me, he was never in the mood, or passed out on the couch or if he did attempt it, it was never, well, "up" for the occasion and it hurt, I remember the pain of being pinned down by a drunk and getting poked and prodded until he either fell asleep or, you know, pleased himself, and rolled off of me... ugh, what a horrible memory, now I look back after writing that and see how ridiculous and crazy I am to even think I would ever want to "get back together with him"!!! Isn't is crazy how fast I can go from longing for him and missing him to being repulsed and disappointed... what is this rollercoaster of emotions? when will it stop?

dobiediva

That's a rollercoaster I know well. Today the ride is making me nauseaus!

newenglandgirl

It's been since December for me. And, to be honest, I've been so traumatized by the whole thing with AH that I really haven't had much of an "appetite".

I do miss cuddling a lot though.

I worry sometimes that I won't ever feel sexual again like I used to.

dobiediva

well I went almost 2 years after my husband and I divorced. I HATED it with him. but with A it was always wonderful. Too bad there are other "issues".

sad#3

I would miss that terribly as well. It would leave a huge void. One of the reasons I'm willing to give this all I've got.

sad#3

Good post. My gf and I have an incredible sex life. I don't think I could ever get that again because I've been with many women, but the chemistry is just right with us.

sad#3

I'm addicted in the same manner to my gf, her personality as well... I'm still confident that she can do this.