Rough Week
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
Rough Week
My b/f relapsed from crack last weekend. I had to go to the ER Mon. & they
almost admitted me but settled for IV antibiotics. My foot, ankle and leg swelled up
and a red line appeared. I have cellulitis and phlebitis. That means I have an
infection in my leg (don't know why) and it went into my veins. I am on bedrest and
on antibiotics. Single mom on bedrest - not good. Have to keep my leg elevated so
I don't get a blood clot. Then my daughter gets strep throat.
Well, I called my A. from the ER to let him know I was there. I don't know why.
He just stood us up for the weekend. He told me that even though he had 65 days
clean - he went to the Quick Trip to get gas on the way to a mtg. and his ex-
dealer was there. The ex asked him if he needed anything and "that was that" and
there went the paycheck. I heard sorry, I love you, what do I tell our daughter and
that is what we call a "slip".
He calls again on Wed. to see how I am - very, very crabby. I told him to call
me after he ate dinner and could talk nice to me. See, I asked for help because I
am not supposed to walk or stand. Told him I needed help with dishes, take the
trash etc., cook some burgers. He said, "You want ME to come there after
working all day (10.5 hrs.) to wash YOUR dishes". I told him that our daughter has
2 parents but only half a one right now. Call me when you can talk nice to me. I
never, ever heard him talk like this.
Well, Mr. Crabby came over the next day and did help. I have never seen him so
crabby. I am imagining that he is this way because he used crack on Fri., Sat., Sun.
and got off his meds those days and didn't eat. I did not know this man.
He said he is trying to stay clean. It is not easy. He is happy that out of 68 days
he used only 3. I told him sorry but I see it as he's been home for 10 mths. and
has been straight for 65 days. Very supportive, huh?
Well, he kissed our daughter good-night and said see you tomorrow. He didn't show
up or call.
I am sad. I am sad because there doesn't look like a future and my poor daughter.
And I saw the Dr. today and he said that I'm supposed to be waited on thru the
weekend. Without my b/f, that is impossible.
My brother tells me to be kind and patient while my A. is trying to be clean and
there will be relaspes. I am tired of being kind and patient - I need help. What
about my needs?
almost admitted me but settled for IV antibiotics. My foot, ankle and leg swelled up
and a red line appeared. I have cellulitis and phlebitis. That means I have an
infection in my leg (don't know why) and it went into my veins. I am on bedrest and
on antibiotics. Single mom on bedrest - not good. Have to keep my leg elevated so
I don't get a blood clot. Then my daughter gets strep throat.
Well, I called my A. from the ER to let him know I was there. I don't know why.
He just stood us up for the weekend. He told me that even though he had 65 days
clean - he went to the Quick Trip to get gas on the way to a mtg. and his ex-
dealer was there. The ex asked him if he needed anything and "that was that" and
there went the paycheck. I heard sorry, I love you, what do I tell our daughter and
that is what we call a "slip".
He calls again on Wed. to see how I am - very, very crabby. I told him to call
me after he ate dinner and could talk nice to me. See, I asked for help because I
am not supposed to walk or stand. Told him I needed help with dishes, take the
trash etc., cook some burgers. He said, "You want ME to come there after
working all day (10.5 hrs.) to wash YOUR dishes". I told him that our daughter has
2 parents but only half a one right now. Call me when you can talk nice to me. I
never, ever heard him talk like this.
Well, Mr. Crabby came over the next day and did help. I have never seen him so
crabby. I am imagining that he is this way because he used crack on Fri., Sat., Sun.
and got off his meds those days and didn't eat. I did not know this man.
He said he is trying to stay clean. It is not easy. He is happy that out of 68 days
he used only 3. I told him sorry but I see it as he's been home for 10 mths. and
has been straight for 65 days. Very supportive, huh?
Well, he kissed our daughter good-night and said see you tomorrow. He didn't show
up or call.
I am sad. I am sad because there doesn't look like a future and my poor daughter.
And I saw the Dr. today and he said that I'm supposed to be waited on thru the
weekend. Without my b/f, that is impossible.
My brother tells me to be kind and patient while my A. is trying to be clean and
there will be relaspes. I am tired of being kind and patient - I need help. What
about my needs?
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Addicts can't meet your needs; you'll have to rely on yourself and others. So sorry about your health. Addicts are who they are and not who we want them to be. Crack still has a hook in him and that doesn't leave much room for you. I am so sorry. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Ok4now))))
I have to agree with the above... even if he is sober, folks new in recovery have very limited abilities and resources, sometimes. For many, ALL the focus has to be on recovery, or there won't BE any "leftover" for anyone.
If you were a single mom, what would you do? Are there respite services available? Is there anyone from work willing to stop by and give a hand? Someone from the church? A community volunteer? Other relatives?
What I know about me is that I spent a great deal of time being a Martyr. (note the captial "M"). If I couldn't get what I deserved (needed, but also DESERVED) I wouldn't SAY anything... not to you, anyway. I would say it to my mom or my sis or my friends... and then WAIT for YOU to come and help. And if I got SOOOooo bad that I had to ASK... well, by then I had such a resentment going, it wouldn't matter what you did, it wouldn't be enough.
Today, after years in program, I know MY resentments are based on expectations... I have an expectation that doesn't get met, I get a resentment. THen I get angry and hurt... and the only one who feels that pain.... is me.
Today, I also know that the only way to reduce my resentments is to lower my expectations... sometimes, all the way to zero. If I have low or no expectations, then whatever outcome I receive is just that.. an outcome. And it may not meet my needs, but I don't get angry or resentful... I just figure out "Plan B".
I hope this helps.
(((hugs))))
I have to agree with the above... even if he is sober, folks new in recovery have very limited abilities and resources, sometimes. For many, ALL the focus has to be on recovery, or there won't BE any "leftover" for anyone.
If you were a single mom, what would you do? Are there respite services available? Is there anyone from work willing to stop by and give a hand? Someone from the church? A community volunteer? Other relatives?
What I know about me is that I spent a great deal of time being a Martyr. (note the captial "M"). If I couldn't get what I deserved (needed, but also DESERVED) I wouldn't SAY anything... not to you, anyway. I would say it to my mom or my sis or my friends... and then WAIT for YOU to come and help. And if I got SOOOooo bad that I had to ASK... well, by then I had such a resentment going, it wouldn't matter what you did, it wouldn't be enough.
Today, after years in program, I know MY resentments are based on expectations... I have an expectation that doesn't get met, I get a resentment. THen I get angry and hurt... and the only one who feels that pain.... is me.
Today, I also know that the only way to reduce my resentments is to lower my expectations... sometimes, all the way to zero. If I have low or no expectations, then whatever outcome I receive is just that.. an outcome. And it may not meet my needs, but I don't get angry or resentful... I just figure out "Plan B".
I hope this helps.
(((hugs))))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Sending some prayers your way for a speedy recovery. In February I broke my knee. Am thankful that I did not have any young ones to take care of. Only 5 dogs
Called my addict daughter because I wanted some sympathy. Lasted about a week. She visited and then started asking for things. Did not work out well and I have not seen her since. I got mad because of my expectations. She got mad because I wanted something from her that she was not ready for (getting clean). Do you have any other friends or family that may be willing to give you a hand. Someone that you can count on to help. Anyway sending you some hugs, Marle
Called my addict daughter because I wanted some sympathy. Lasted about a week. She visited and then started asking for things. Did not work out well and I have not seen her since. I got mad because of my expectations. She got mad because I wanted something from her that she was not ready for (getting clean). Do you have any other friends or family that may be willing to give you a hand. Someone that you can count on to help. Anyway sending you some hugs, Marle
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