1st Time in a forum
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Perth Western Australia
Posts: 4
1st Time in a forum
Hi my name is Sha, i have never been here before and feel a bit lost, my partner is an alcoholic and i am really feeling the isolation tonight. Sorry if i am doing this wrong.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
Hi Sha,,Welcome to SR. There's no right or wrong way girl, your doing JUST fine!!!!
this board is a GREAT place to get perspective when your feeling lost and isolated because of the alcoholic in your life.
If you don't mind me asking, Was there an incident that caused your isolation tonite?
Peace
this board is a GREAT place to get perspective when your feeling lost and isolated because of the alcoholic in your life.
If you don't mind me asking, Was there an incident that caused your isolation tonite?
Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Perth Western Australia
Posts: 4
Today I got a reply to a position i applied for and unortunately i was unsuccessull, would have been nice to share news with my partner, get a shoulder to cry on, just feeling sorry for myself.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Welcome, Sha! So glad you are here. I'm sorry for the isolation. It's so hard sometimes but you've found a great place to come to.
You will find support, encouragement, understanding, wisdom.
Don't be afraid to just jump in there! You can't go wrong!
And I'm sorry you didn't get the job! Just means there is a better one out there for you!
Welcome to SR!!
You will find support, encouragement, understanding, wisdom.
Don't be afraid to just jump in there! You can't go wrong!
And I'm sorry you didn't get the job! Just means there is a better one out there for you!
Welcome to SR!!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
Originally Posted by Sha 
Today I got a reply to a position i applied for and unortunately i was unsuccessull, would have been nice to share news with my partner, get a shoulder to cry on, just feeling sorry for myself.
I hear ya girl. No matter how many times I was disapointed my A wasn't there, I still set myself up that he would be.
I'm aslo familiar with the "pity pot". Goes something like this
If he didn't do that, I wouldn't feel this,,,
Ya think?!?!?lol
When I realized I was responsible for my own well being instead of waiting for him to validate me, I found instead of the pity pot, I became even MORE determined. Going on interviews are tough, but even MORE complicated when your all "twisted up" with the A in your life. Maybe looking at what you LEARNED in this interview process, and how to apply it to the NEXT one will help?
Chin up sweetie, there IS light at the end of the tunnel
Peace
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
he sha
welcome sha- what your describing is emotional isolation and it can be a death sentence. sorry if that sounds harsh, but it will slowly kill you. everyone here has been there done that.
i think this is a touchy subject for me because i have had several very important times in my life when my ah has "checked out" on me.
the hard truth is an alcoholic is not capable of giving support. they are not even supporting themselves. they cannot love you. they do not love themselves.
stick around. you'll find lots of support here. if you want my honest opinion, find someone who is capable of giving you that support.
take care. sorry about the job. it just means that wasn't the one for you. you will find another great one
i think this is a touchy subject for me because i have had several very important times in my life when my ah has "checked out" on me.
the hard truth is an alcoholic is not capable of giving support. they are not even supporting themselves. they cannot love you. they do not love themselves.
stick around. you'll find lots of support here. if you want my honest opinion, find someone who is capable of giving you that support.
take care. sorry about the job. it just means that wasn't the one for you. you will find another great one
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Welcome to SR,
What helped me was reading about the disease, meetings, counseling and coming here. We have some good information in the stickys at the top of the page to get you started learning about how to live better with an alocoholic in our lives. Please keep posting and read as many threads as you can. It's nice to meet you.
What helped me was reading about the disease, meetings, counseling and coming here. We have some good information in the stickys at the top of the page to get you started learning about how to live better with an alocoholic in our lives. Please keep posting and read as many threads as you can. It's nice to meet you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
Welcome Sha
Many of us find this forum when we are at our lowest points and feeling desperate.. I know that is what I was going through when I first came here. There is a wealth of knowledge and information here that will help you better understand this perplexing and destructive condition ... and learn how to move forward with your life without being destroyed in the process.
Keep reading the posts ...especially those at the top. You have come to the right place.
Many of us find this forum when we are at our lowest points and feeling desperate.. I know that is what I was going through when I first came here. There is a wealth of knowledge and information here that will help you better understand this perplexing and destructive condition ... and learn how to move forward with your life without being destroyed in the process.
Keep reading the posts ...especially those at the top. You have come to the right place.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome Sha, a pleasure to meet you.
You know, what is true for me is I dont usually start to search for the answer till the pain is too great to ignore or make excuses for.... that is the point I was at when I found SR. There is much to learn about the disease of Alcoholism.... pull up a chair and talk with us... You have just found a whole new family to share with .... Honestly you dont have to go through it all alone...... we are glad your here.
You know, what is true for me is I dont usually start to search for the answer till the pain is too great to ignore or make excuses for.... that is the point I was at when I found SR. There is much to learn about the disease of Alcoholism.... pull up a chair and talk with us... You have just found a whole new family to share with .... Honestly you dont have to go through it all alone...... we are glad your here.
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
welcome - as loveRoy says....we understand....and this board has also been my saving grace....it is where i turn whenever i need reminders of what i do and do not want my life to be from this point on....keep reading and posting.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Welcome aboard hun.....my ex was never around either esp. when I needed a shoulder to cry on...what doesnt break us makes us stronger tho...
There is a BETTER job for you out there hun...this one wasn't meant to be.
There is a BETTER job for you out there hun...this one wasn't meant to be.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Sha - I'm so sorry that you are feeling alone. I've found that often times, the worst pain is feeling alone - when we have a partner. I remember many times I'd be in the same room with my (now ex) husband, and I'd feel so alone.
Any relationship should have a partnership. Unfortunately, it seems that an alcoholic cannot give their part to the relationship and their partner. At least not in the way that we see as "normal" or as we'd wish it to be. They are often times emotionally unavailable.
There is a book called "Codependant No More" written by Melody Beattie. It's an excellent read and I'd suggest you try it out. I've read it more than once, and it seemed that I got something new out of it each time. There are also posts here at SR called "Sticky" posts at the top of the forum and there is some excellent reading there as well.
Educating yourself about alcoholism will help you alot. Alanon can also help you. Have you ever attended a meeting?
As much as it hurts to hear - you cannot save your partner. You can only save yourself. If you aren't happy with your life, the situation, etc - you CAN change your part in it. That is not to say that you have to leave either! It's just time to make yourself a priority and find some peace and happiness.
Any relationship should have a partnership. Unfortunately, it seems that an alcoholic cannot give their part to the relationship and their partner. At least not in the way that we see as "normal" or as we'd wish it to be. They are often times emotionally unavailable.
There is a book called "Codependant No More" written by Melody Beattie. It's an excellent read and I'd suggest you try it out. I've read it more than once, and it seemed that I got something new out of it each time. There are also posts here at SR called "Sticky" posts at the top of the forum and there is some excellent reading there as well.
Educating yourself about alcoholism will help you alot. Alanon can also help you. Have you ever attended a meeting?
As much as it hurts to hear - you cannot save your partner. You can only save yourself. If you aren't happy with your life, the situation, etc - you CAN change your part in it. That is not to say that you have to leave either! It's just time to make yourself a priority and find some peace and happiness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Perth Western Australia
Posts: 4
Thanks for helping me to feel better about my situation, i know i have the power to change things, i just don't want to leave my partner alone to deal with his addiction, i know what i am going through is really yukky, it must be so much worse for him to be where he is which is a much darker place than mine.
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