hopeintahoe

My AH wife is so full of rage, even in her sober periods, which don't seem to last long enough. I know this is part of the process but it is driving me out. I do not engauge with her when she acts this way. but come on enough already. The anger is always directed towards me and of course it is my fault, I can see my part at times. I have been going to Al-Anon now for a year and do feel better but I can't take this rage anymore, does this mean it's time to move on. Any suggestions on a better way to deal with this rage, I know I have to take care of myself. I am just sick of the rage and slips every couple of months, she just does not want to be sober. What is great is that I do not rage back anymore and I feel so much better about myself, I just want to breath again and not feel like I have to be careful when I come home. Thanks Jeff

ICU

Been there, got the t-shirt!

It's a horrible way to live Jeff. The way I solved it was to end the relationship. I could only take so much of it and it was taking it's toll on me. Life is too short and hard enough without having to put up with that, IMO.

But, not everyone leaves. Some are able to stay and deal with it and not have it affect them. Guess they're better men/women that I. I guess we all have our own rock bottom/bottom line/deal breaker. Do you have any idea what yours might be?

I didn't! Not until I was beyond 'no more room in the inn'. Then it was over in a matter of an hour!

WhatAboutME

Welcome Jeff! My husband's out-of-control, totally off-the-wall anger has escalated with his alcoholism as well. He's mad when he's not drunk, and he's just as mad and miserable when he is drunk. There truly is no pleasing him anymore.

denny57

Hi Jeff. When AH became so verbally abusive and raging I could not live with it anymore. Removing yourself from the situation doesn't have to mean divorce if you don't want it; have you thought about separation? I'm glad to hear Al-Anon is helping, it saved me, too. It helped me realize what I wanted in my life, and a raging alcoholic wasn't on the list.

Only you can decide whether it is something you can live with. No matter what you decide, it's great to know how much support is out there.

Take care. ((()))

rosalie

I often ponder,how much hurt must someone have inside to be so angry at everyone and everything. Must be very hard for you.

Pick-a-name

btdt,too...

My AH moved out when he got like this and I didn't take the bait and fight with him,etc. He announced he couldn't deal with me and our kids and "how we treated him and didn't obey him,blah,blah,blah". When he said he might move back if "WE shaped up" I told him (and the kids told me they agreed) that he'd have to address his alcohol problem first. We lived separate for several years but last year he decided he was never going to stop drinking and he was going to find someone else to fall in love with and divorced me.....(I think he did have someone at that time who I gather has since dumped him).

aztchr

I never knew what/who I was coming home to each night. I wasn't around a pleasant person even when he wasn't drinking. I deserved something different, so I had to make the choice to leave. I could see the progression of anger, too.
I couldn't keep tiptoeing around in my house waiting for and hating the feeling that something worse was going to happen.

SaTiT

Just keep comeback jeff...
I let go in one ear and out the other.
non-resistance..i don't even process it..

Rella927

Welcome to SR Jeff!

Walking on eggshells is not fun! The anger with my XA became so out of control both as has been said when he was drinking or not!

I stayed as long as I could when I realized finally I had hit my bottom and not only did he need help but, I was the one also who needed the help!

I feel that we all know when we have had enough, it is just finding the strength to leave and let them find their way on their own as we all must do.

(((hugs)))

lovemypup

The longer they drink, the more miserable they become. Unfortunetly we become just as miserable and angry as they do. Its a hard life to live.

elizabeth1979

Hey there hopintahoe!
Glad you are here!

I lived with a rageaholic alcoholic too.
I used to leave the house when he was like that. I kept spare keys in a flower pot on the front porch bc sometimes he would take my keys so I would have to sit there and listen to his raging. I cant count the times I went on the balcony of our 2nd floor condo to 'smoke' and jumped off, grabbed the keys, and left. Pure insanity.

I set a boundry that if you start raging, I will leave.
I also set a boundry that I would not argue with him when he was 'drunk'. I defined drunk as something beyond maintenance drinking..silly now that I thought I had it separated

Once namecalling began, I was out the door.
Physical violence, I was out the door and police were called.
You destroy any of my proprty, police are called.

Its really tough I know!