counsellor
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
counsellor
I've just argued with my counsellor, I'm doin to her what I do to everyone who tries to help me, i'm so nasty and I'm pushing her away, i'm arguing with her for no reason and now I feel bad. I hate me. She's done nothing wrong to me, accept be nice and I can't deal with it. Why can't I just accept people can be nice, that not everyone wants to hurt me. Whats so wrong with me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,930
She is there to help, I fought not to have to see my therapist because I was afraid I was a bad peson, I now know I'm not bad I was troubled. She listened and won me over, persevere it does work. Good luck with all your do.
indigo
indigo
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
you realise now what you're doing, LC, so hopefully next time you can remember this and learn from it...I'm sure your counsellor knows where it came from as well...
little steps get us to where we need to be....
D
little steps get us to where we need to be....
D
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Lost,
Dee is right, you are seeing what your doing and that is a good thing. Go back and see her and tell her what you just posted.... like Indigo said...she is there to help..she will listen! Good luck to you!!
Liss
Dee is right, you are seeing what your doing and that is a good thing. Go back and see her and tell her what you just posted.... like Indigo said...she is there to help..she will listen! Good luck to you!!
Liss
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
I'm seeing her today, I know I'm doing it and she knows why I'm doing it. She's the first person who I feel a little bit of trust towards without feeling threatened by her, she's also the only person I see face to face whose honest with me and that freaks me out. Last week I told her that I would push her away, that she would end up hating me she said that was just fear and a safety mechnism that I had built up, but that she would fight me and prove that she won't run...she is excellent and I just feel that I don't deserve it. I know this sounds pathetic, but I'm really not used to people being nice without thinking theirs an agenda to hurt me. I have to change and I am willing to change I just get mad with myself when I do it.
Thank you for ur replies, I do appreicate it. thank you.
Lost
Thank you for ur replies, I do appreicate it. thank you.
Lost
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Excellent Lost
Your consellor sounds like a star. Remember as evryone else has said she has been trained to do this and she sounds Da*n good ai it. The more she wins your trust the easier it will be and remember she wants to help you because she CHOSE That profession because she is a caring person who wants to help.
Good on ya Lost
Big hugs
Your consellor sounds like a star. Remember as evryone else has said she has been trained to do this and she sounds Da*n good ai it. The more she wins your trust the easier it will be and remember she wants to help you because she CHOSE That profession because she is a caring person who wants to help.
Good on ya Lost
Big hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
You suffer from alcohism and that's what alcohlism do to good people..
If your counselor is a professional...I'm pretty sure you wern't the
first person to that do that to her and you won't be the last...
becuase it dosn't happen over nite. And if your trying to kick,
you're probably are going through witdraws and all kinds of roller coasters...
and you still have wet brian from all the chemicles in your system.
Don't think so much or try to make sense of it too much, lost...
just put one foot in front of the other and take it oneday at a time.
changes will come..but you gatta do first things first and get that
bad boy down pack...
If your counselor is a professional...I'm pretty sure you wern't the
first person to that do that to her and you won't be the last...
becuase it dosn't happen over nite. And if your trying to kick,
you're probably are going through witdraws and all kinds of roller coasters...
and you still have wet brian from all the chemicles in your system.
Don't think so much or try to make sense of it too much, lost...
just put one foot in front of the other and take it oneday at a time.
changes will come..but you gatta do first things first and get that
bad boy down pack...
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
What I learned about relatively recently is AAA (triple A).
Awareness
Acceptance
Action
So you have made a BIG leap - you have AWARENESS of a situation and the knowledge that you may have the power to make this change.
I see you struggling with the next step - acceptance.
Once I have those two pieces down, only then can I actually make a CHANGE through action.
It was like a light going on when I finally figured this out... hope this helps.
((hugs))
Awareness
Acceptance
Action
So you have made a BIG leap - you have AWARENESS of a situation and the knowledge that you may have the power to make this change.
I see you struggling with the next step - acceptance.
Once I have those two pieces down, only then can I actually make a CHANGE through action.
It was like a light going on when I finally figured this out... hope this helps.
((hugs))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
Thank you for ur replies, I've just seen my counsellor and we discussed the arguement this morning, she was more then aware what I was doing and she said she can't allow me to run because she now cares for me and wants to help me and she knows I want that help. It was a difficult session, and a relisation that this week has been triggered by seeing the guy who hurt me when I was 9. She has given me a book to read straight talk PTSD. I have a flashback in the session, and still haven't calmed down from it. The hardest part is now not to go to the pub as that's what I do and what at the moment I want to do, run away and not face anything. It hurts too much and I was crying which makes me mad. I know I have to start talking about the past, as its coming out when I sleep, coming out during the day but I fight it, it just hurts too much. Sorry I've gone on. sorry
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Lost,
You have nothing to apologise for, you say sorry in your post a couple of times, you don't have too apologise to any of us. What an AMAZING step forward for you this afternoon. You know what you have to do and you are thinking about how to that (I mean talk about your past) That is amazing. You even realise that the pub is not the answr, what a great realisation.
This will not be easy for you and I imagine there may be a few setbacks along the way(but a set back can be a valuable learning experience so try to see any as a positive learning curve) but hey you are on the right road now rather than standing at the cross roads not knowing where to go.
Please be proud of yourself for what you have done today. For what it is worth I am proud of you.
Well done Lost
Take it easy - don't be so hard on yourself
BIG hugs
x
PS as for the crying Trust me in the last 3 weeks I have cried buckets for no reason, you are crying as it is your bodies release of pent up frustration, anger, hurt and probably, from what you have said, disbelief that people do care and want to help. Cry as much as you want and don't be angry be proud x
You have nothing to apologise for, you say sorry in your post a couple of times, you don't have too apologise to any of us. What an AMAZING step forward for you this afternoon. You know what you have to do and you are thinking about how to that (I mean talk about your past) That is amazing. You even realise that the pub is not the answr, what a great realisation.
This will not be easy for you and I imagine there may be a few setbacks along the way(but a set back can be a valuable learning experience so try to see any as a positive learning curve) but hey you are on the right road now rather than standing at the cross roads not knowing where to go.
Please be proud of yourself for what you have done today. For what it is worth I am proud of you.
Well done Lost
Take it easy - don't be so hard on yourself
BIG hugs
x
PS as for the crying Trust me in the last 3 weeks I have cried buckets for no reason, you are crying as it is your bodies release of pent up frustration, anger, hurt and probably, from what you have said, disbelief that people do care and want to help. Cry as much as you want and don't be angry be proud x
Last edited by cyberwolf; 05-23-2007 at 10:59 AM. Reason: Just to add another wee bit!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
I can't be proud of crying, i can't stop crying I can't stop. I'm not strong enough to do this. I'm drained and I can't sleep, I close my eyes I see them, my body shakes and wakes me up, i can't sleep. I can't do anything. Its not fair, sad and pathetic I just want my mum to hold me and say it will be ok but that won't ever happen. why did no1 love me, why couldn't my family love me. Sorry very very emotional.
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Hey Lost
C'mon Pal (easy for me to say) you are emotional and crying and crying and crying because you are finally on the road to being able to deal with ( I use that term very loosley) all the Sh1t life has brought you so far. You had a hard day today. Someone told you they cared about you...gee why should you believe that after everything that has happened to you. I can't tell you why you should. But I can tell you why I think you should give it a try......
You DESERVE the help and support Lost, thats why.
You will feel emotional for a while (gee just look at some of my posts and in reality I havn't got jacksh1t to be emotional about) You are scared this is real emotion, but you know what.....you will be ok. Please just try to believe me, try to believe your councellor, try to believe SR. You don't have to be proud for crying, but please be proud for realising, for talking and for confronting some of those horrible fears and thoughts. You are on a huge roller coaster but like those people on mechanical roller coasters you will get to the end and you know what.....you'll be ok.
I don't know all the family stuff you talk about so I won't even begin to comment on that but hey put your left armover your right shoulder and your right arm around your waist, holding on at the left side of your waist, now SQUEEZE as hard as you can......Thats a great big hug from me to you.
Take care
X
C'mon Pal (easy for me to say) you are emotional and crying and crying and crying because you are finally on the road to being able to deal with ( I use that term very loosley) all the Sh1t life has brought you so far. You had a hard day today. Someone told you they cared about you...gee why should you believe that after everything that has happened to you. I can't tell you why you should. But I can tell you why I think you should give it a try......
You DESERVE the help and support Lost, thats why.
You will feel emotional for a while (gee just look at some of my posts and in reality I havn't got jacksh1t to be emotional about) You are scared this is real emotion, but you know what.....you will be ok. Please just try to believe me, try to believe your councellor, try to believe SR. You don't have to be proud for crying, but please be proud for realising, for talking and for confronting some of those horrible fears and thoughts. You are on a huge roller coaster but like those people on mechanical roller coasters you will get to the end and you know what.....you'll be ok.
I don't know all the family stuff you talk about so I won't even begin to comment on that but hey put your left armover your right shoulder and your right arm around your waist, holding on at the left side of your waist, now SQUEEZE as hard as you can......Thats a great big hug from me to you.
Take care
X
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
Bless u cyberwolf - I'm Sorry I'm just about to head off i'm not feeling too good at the minute and I need to get out of the house before I do something. My heads pounding and my heart feels torn, I feel even more lost then ever at the minute. Thank you for ur support ur a diamond. bless ya.
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
No worries lost.
Please just keep posting or drop me a pm anytime, if am not about I will get back to you whenever I can.
Hang in there, you WILL be OK tough as he1l though it is your now going in the right direction and remember my earlier post if things get really tough turn up at accident and emergency at your nearest hospital.. Thats what the NHS is for!!! well not only what its for but they will treat you and you won't be sectioned.
Sending you hugs
Please just keep posting or drop me a pm anytime, if am not about I will get back to you whenever I can.
Hang in there, you WILL be OK tough as he1l though it is your now going in the right direction and remember my earlier post if things get really tough turn up at accident and emergency at your nearest hospital.. Thats what the NHS is for!!! well not only what its for but they will treat you and you won't be sectioned.
Sending you hugs
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