lotustea

I broke up with a crack addict 3 months ago after a 6 year relationship- 3 of those struggling with this issue and a year of getting deeply involved with crack with him . I am finding a great new life unfloding beofre me minus boyfriends and just got a I just got a cALL from my ex who wants to know if Ill get back together with him or if he should move on to an old girlfriend who he has a son with. Sounds like he has not stopped the crack but needs to be with somebody to keep him strong. I do love him but how easily it might be to fall back into our old smoking way of life if I took him back. Life has really opened up some new amazing paths for me- dont know if I should try to include him in it or if he promises to go to rehab if that could make things work. Any feeedback?

liesagain

I have no experience with using with them, but my thought is NO WAY stay clear and focus on yourself and staying away from the drugs.............hes on a road thru hell and you need no go along
Take care you will be in my thoughts

Noah812

I would say............run run run.......run run run........he wi going to give you a chance to take care of him again, maybe worse! I know you love him but IF he has somewhere else to go and I doubt he does, let him go. What he is doing is saying to you if YOU dont want me, someone else will.....tell him FINE i dont want to be with you please move on....I know I sound like a jerk but really he is trying to talk you back into where you have already been. The fact that you love him is secondary to the fact that he most likely has not changed since you left. What ever his reasons he wants you to WANT him.....resist and work towards getting past him and his actions....you have to stand up fpr yourself....he is baiting you into a trap..Dont fall for it....we are on your side....stay strong for you.

carl250r

are you still on the rock?

he needs to clean up his act and go take care of that other girl he has a kid with and be a dad to that kid.

and you need to run for your life!
get out of that cracky nasty scean. ex girl friends ,cracky ex boy friends the whole F-ed up scean just get the hell out of there change your phone #'s run run run. to hell with him to hell with all of them and to hell with crack. get out of dodge! that is a mess you don't need to be in!

forget about his rehab. you can hope he gets his act together some day for his own well being. but you can't wait for it.

and if this guy can manage to keep a roof over his head one way or another, can keep enough money rolling in some how to keep buying his crack, and can still get laid now and again by his sympathetic "ex girl friends, while he can do all of this he will never stop smoking crack .NEVER!! he has no reason to. life is good smoke up,everyone else is stupid

You need to get the hell away from this POS dead beat dad.

i feel bad for that poor kid and girl who is his plan B . he is going to mooch of them that is all strugleing single mom needs is to have her crack head ex move back in .GREAT!!

you are proably better looking than his other ex and you don't have a kid rite?
so you sound pretty good. he wants to be with you . but if you dont work out he will have to go to plan B his old ex with a kid. to leach off of them insted.what a drag bumber dude.but it will do rite.what a A-hole

just kick him in the nuts every time you see him.and never believe a word out of his mouth .

rozied

You have gotten some excellent advice, now its up to you if you take it. If you love yourself at all you will steer clear of him & work very hard on your own life & staying drug free. He is on a path to destruction. You can pray for him but if you value yourself thats all you will do.
Keep coming to SR & get yourself to some face to face meetings if you feel you need them to stay strong.
Love,
Diane

dollydo

Just say NO...

lightseeker

What I'm reading here is that you have stepped away from all the drama and pain of life with an addict......things are going well and looking even better for the future.

Then, active crack addict reappears....might want to go to rehab if you'll take him back. Oh! But there is a catch....you are 1st on the list and if you don't want him then he's going to the 2nd on the list. Sounds like an extremely bad version of THE BACHELOR to me.

Sometimes it just helps to hear it mirrored back when you are in the throws of a dilemma. You have had a taste of your own recovery and let that guide you on what the right decision is for you. Like an addict that becomes ready for recovery....you are ready to live and be happy when you are ready.

My RAH did put down the crack pipe/needle 22 months ago. It has been the hardest and most painful 22 months of my life. Yes - he is sober and moving forward. He has done the deal but no one will ever understand how difficult it is to be in a relationship with someone that has rewired their brain and the healing that has to occur. I love my husband deeply and I'm glad that he has made it this far. I cannot honestly tell you that for me - it's worth it. It is what it is and I'm deeply appreciative that we are where we are today....but.......is what I have today worth what I've had to go through. No. It's not.

Write it down - see what you need to see and trust yourself to do the next right thing. Remember - that always involves taking care of yourself, your needs, and your happiness first.

Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing. I'm thinking about you. Donna

BigSis

This does not sound like a loving, caring man who will give you what YOU need in life. It sounds like a man DEMANDING to be cared for... and if you won't, he will move on to someone else... immediately.

You deserve a man who deserves your love. Who gives to you, is devoted to you, demonstrates his love for you and lifts you up and helps you be the BEST you.

My prayers are that you can find that man who is ALREADY out there... ALREADY sober... he is waiting for you to turn your head and open your eyes.

(((Hugs)))

raerae6

Your story is just like mine! I broke up with the ex-crackhead bf 3 months ago after over 3 years with him. I smoked with him for about a year of that time too! I haven't done drugs for 11 months now-have no desire to do that again. He started calling me recently, too, and coming by ringing my doorbell, etc. I, like you, was tempted to see him again. (Look at my thread on here-"addict ex-boyfriend calling me") He doesn't want you around to 'keep him strong" - he wants a crack-smoking buddy or somebody to mooch off of...some place to live...Let him show he's serious and go to rehab and show that he can be sober for a year before you even think about getting back with him!! He needs to be by himself to be strong. There is nothing you can do to help him be sober-he has to do it on his own!! Sometimes when we try to help an addict, we are just making it worse, because we are giving them a place to live, etc. and then they don't have to be respnsible for themselves and it makes it easier for them to use. So he is deciding on whether to turn to you or his baby's mom? Why can't he just be alone? He's dependent on other people it sounds like. You wrote, "if he promises to go to rehab.." That's a BIG if. Addicts cannot make promises..they don't keep them. That's the nature of the beast. They will say anything to have someone to lean on. It sounds like you are happier now without him..I am happier without my addict, too. I was tempted, just like you, to see him or be his friend or something...that's our sick side coming out...but the people on this board helped me to "pull my head out of my ass"-as carl put it (thanks), and I thought again about all the crappy things he did to me and how crappy life was worrying about him all the time. Plus you don't need an addict around tempting you to use again. Don't include him in your life!! I know it's hard to resist someone you have feelings for. Life with a crackhead won't get better, it will just get worse. Get the book, "codependent no more"-by Melody Beattie. It helped me alot. You gotta set boundries with addicts and a good one is...don't come around me unless your sober. pm me if you want.

PaperDolls

wants to know if Ill get back together with him or if he should move on to an old girlfriend who he has a son with = quack quack quack

raerae6

Your story is just like mine! I broke up with the ex-crackhead bf 3 months ago after over 3 years with him. I smoked with him for about a year of that time too! I haven't done drugs for 11 months now-have no desire to do that again. He started calling me recently, too, and coming by ringing my doorbell, etc. I, like you, was tempted to see him again. (Look at my thread on here-"addict ex-boyfriend calling me") He doesn't want you around to 'keep him strong" - he wants a crack-smoking buddy or somebody to mooch off of...some place to live...Let him show he's serious and go to rehab and show that he can be sober for a year before you even think about getting back with him!! He needs to be by himself to be strong. There is nothing you can do to help him be sober-he has to do it on his own!! Sometimes when we try to help an addict, we are just making it worse, because we are giving them a place to live, etc. and then they don't have to be respnsible for themselves and it makes it easier for them to use. So he is deciding on whether to turn to you or his baby's mom? Why can't he just be alone? He's dependent on other people it sounds like. You wrote, "if he promises to go to rehab.." That's a BIG if. Addicts cannot make promises..they don't keep them. That's the nature of the beast. They will say anything to have someone to lean on. It sounds like you are happier now without him..I am happier without my addict, too. I was tempted, just like you, to see him or be his friend or something...that's our sick side coming out...but the people on this board helped me to "pull my head out of my ass"-as carl put it (thanks), and I thought again about all the crappy things he did to me and how crappy life was worrying about him all the time. Plus you don't need an addict around tempting you to use again. Don't include him in your life!! I know it's hard to resist someone you have feelings for. Life with a crackhead won't get better, it will just get worse. Get the book, "codependent no more"-by Melody Beattie. It helped me alot. You gotta set boundries with addicts and a good one is...don't come around me unless your sober. pm me if you want.

marle

My daughter had three months clean last spring. She ended up going back to her crack addict boyfriend. He couldn't live without her yada yada yada. Guess where she is now. Living in a seedy motel, not paying her bills, back to using, not giving a sh*t about what she looks like, what she does or who she does it with. For your own health stay away. He sounds like an arrogant crack addict. Wow, what a choice for you. "Here I am baby, take me or I am going back to another ex." Just stop for a moment and think about it. I hope that you make the healthy choice. Hugs, Marle

marle

One other thing I want to add. My daughter's abf (when they were broken up) would bring other women to his apartment in an attempt to make my daughter jealous. She told me that even though he is not much due to the fact that he is a crack addict, that there was part of her that wanted him because she did not want to think that those other girls were better than she was. In March she told me that she knows that it is really stupid but she does not want to give up on him and then have some other woman get the good person that he can be sometimes. And so she stays and uses and continues to ruin her life. So be careful with that kind of thinking and remember what it is the other woman is really getting and do you really want that. Hugs, Marle

lotustea

It is really good to hear from somebody who is in pretty much th same boat as I am. It helps confirm my feelings.

raerae6

There's a lot of people here who have or are experiencing what you are going through, me-for one. If you need to talk more, feel free...

Elana

Great advice here.
Life is better w/o an addict in it. He is saying things that are not recovery (take me or you lose your chance... which is pretty funneee if it were not so serious!). Tell him you will let this chance go by..

If you have a good life now, why hit the replay button and go back to something you know is bad?

With over 6 billion people on this earth I am sure you can find someone who doesn't need a bottle, pills or something to smike to make his life complete.

Tell him to move on... and tell him his first responsibility shoud be to his child anyway.

patchoulli

I agree with all of the above. My fiancee died 3 months ago of an overdose after a week in a coma. 3 1/2 years together, I didn't do drugs with him. I do know that I always felt I was holding both of us up, he fell anyway, I almost did. They don't do anything for us except bring us down with them...RUNNNNNNNN...Marian

Wascally Wabbit

You know all the facts about the relationship, and you have even experienced it.
Perhaps you should take some time to think about what YOU want your own life to be like, then take steps to create that life.

teke

my ah called me once with the same options, either i take him back or he'll just move on with this other woman that he had met. yeah, he had met another woman alright, it was another crack addict that he just used to try to manipulate me into taking him back. i think he's just quacking, the baby's mom may not want him either, and if he was really serious about getting back together with you for the good of you both, in my opinion, the issue with the baby mom, would not be an issue for you two