my new psychologist says to "have a plan"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jacksonville, florida
Posts: 341
my new psychologist says to "have a plan"
I went to my first appt. sat. with my new therapist.
From what i told him in one session he concluded that I really have to set a plan where I can be self-sufficient..that i need to plan for the future so that I dont have to count on him or feel trapped financially, that i feel i have to stay. So he think s I should be working on a career where if i have to leave and say rent a place ill be able to do so, and ill haev money to support my kids.
I find a few problems with that. First of all, i do agree with him. BUt, right now where i am in my life i am emotionally unstable. I have a full-time job that pays hardly anything, and its an easy job, and i sometimes mess up with that because i cant concentrate. I just fixed my work schedule so that i will be able to go to my naranon meetings on monday mornings that i love to go to. I also dont kow what direction to go in as far as a career goes. I have a 4 yr. degree but i only worked full-time for 5 years before quitting to raise a family. i never had a "career" before and i am not "career oriented." I would maybe like to be a teacher, but if i decide to do soemthing like that and go the "alternate route to teaching..it would be alot of hard work and time. I wouldnt be able to go to meetings, I would be studying, working, going to school all at the same time.
I am looking for some advice here I guess. I left my therapist office feeling very scared and anxious. I dont know which way to turn. I am so physically drained, how do i pursue a career? how do i leave my kids and work a hard, time consuimng full-time job right now and deal with everything? i could also go back to school and get some training in a new field, but who is going to pay for this??? he also was telling me to put money aside.....
If anyone could tell me their experiences, insights, opinions, anything. Im so confused right now as to what to do...
Thanks.
From what i told him in one session he concluded that I really have to set a plan where I can be self-sufficient..that i need to plan for the future so that I dont have to count on him or feel trapped financially, that i feel i have to stay. So he think s I should be working on a career where if i have to leave and say rent a place ill be able to do so, and ill haev money to support my kids.
I find a few problems with that. First of all, i do agree with him. BUt, right now where i am in my life i am emotionally unstable. I have a full-time job that pays hardly anything, and its an easy job, and i sometimes mess up with that because i cant concentrate. I just fixed my work schedule so that i will be able to go to my naranon meetings on monday mornings that i love to go to. I also dont kow what direction to go in as far as a career goes. I have a 4 yr. degree but i only worked full-time for 5 years before quitting to raise a family. i never had a "career" before and i am not "career oriented." I would maybe like to be a teacher, but if i decide to do soemthing like that and go the "alternate route to teaching..it would be alot of hard work and time. I wouldnt be able to go to meetings, I would be studying, working, going to school all at the same time.
I am looking for some advice here I guess. I left my therapist office feeling very scared and anxious. I dont know which way to turn. I am so physically drained, how do i pursue a career? how do i leave my kids and work a hard, time consuimng full-time job right now and deal with everything? i could also go back to school and get some training in a new field, but who is going to pay for this??? he also was telling me to put money aside.....
If anyone could tell me their experiences, insights, opinions, anything. Im so confused right now as to what to do...
Thanks.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I found this to be extremely helpful. It's a quick test that helps to determine your strengths and weaknesses. It tells you what kind of job you would be good at, and since it matches up to your personality, it would most likely be a very satisfying job for you!
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
I just took it again - I'm still an ENFJ !
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
I just took it again - I'm still an ENFJ !
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Maybe you could look at things from a much broader view for now.
I think at this point the most important thing is that you can provide, but also that you find happiness.
I'm just figuring it out that my kids didn't HAVE to go to school to earn a decent living. Recently I've begun thinking more in terms of its not what you do, its what you want to do. And as long as that covers the necessities, then you're doing well.
Don't let the word "career" scare you. To me, a career is anything you want to stick with, something that bring you some $$ AND happiness.
So, maybe start small...
What do you need?
Can anything be trimmed from that?
What can you live with or without.
Then...what would you need to make to provide?
Are there programs that can help?
Do you have friends in jobs that seem interesting, that can network for you?
Baby steps are often better than a big scary leap
Wishing you well in your endeavors...
(((Hugs)))
Cece
I think at this point the most important thing is that you can provide, but also that you find happiness.
I'm just figuring it out that my kids didn't HAVE to go to school to earn a decent living. Recently I've begun thinking more in terms of its not what you do, its what you want to do. And as long as that covers the necessities, then you're doing well.
Don't let the word "career" scare you. To me, a career is anything you want to stick with, something that bring you some $$ AND happiness.
So, maybe start small...
What do you need?
Can anything be trimmed from that?
What can you live with or without.
Then...what would you need to make to provide?
Are there programs that can help?
Do you have friends in jobs that seem interesting, that can network for you?
Baby steps are often better than a big scary leap
Wishing you well in your endeavors...
(((Hugs)))
Cece
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
I know you are scared, but if you dont' become self-sufficient you will never be truly happy and free. LIke I said in a previous post, the #1 rule in life: NEVER rely on anyone but yourself financially. If you do, you will be at their mercy.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
If it is all too overwhelming and scaring to do any of those things right now - could you possibly just start "thinking" about some options?
In your post, you said the therapist said have a Plan, not DO these things immediately.
These types of Plans take time. Progress not Perfection. Maybe over the next few months, you could start setting a few goals. Like open a seperate savings account to save a little "Plan B" money, even if it is as little as $10 a month. Then a few months later, look at increasing your work hours.
Just like recovery a Plan B can be taken One Day at a Time - One Step at a Time -
Easy Does it, may be the path you can take right now. Look to your HP for guidance on the speed of the development of your Plan B. The guidance will be there when you need it.
Wishing you peace,
Rita
In your post, you said the therapist said have a Plan, not DO these things immediately.
These types of Plans take time. Progress not Perfection. Maybe over the next few months, you could start setting a few goals. Like open a seperate savings account to save a little "Plan B" money, even if it is as little as $10 a month. Then a few months later, look at increasing your work hours.
Just like recovery a Plan B can be taken One Day at a Time - One Step at a Time -
Easy Does it, may be the path you can take right now. Look to your HP for guidance on the speed of the development of your Plan B. The guidance will be there when you need it.
Wishing you peace,
Rita
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Well, all I can say is that I have re-invented myself many times. After ex-abf went to prison, I decided I needed to get out into the world and get a "real" job..I had been working from home for several years, so off I went, got a job, not a an executive position, but, a decent job...that was step one, to get my feet wet, now I am on to step two, I have just been promoted to a better position and am excited about it.
My attitude is how can I do this, not, why I cannot do it. Your post is all about why you cannot do anything to improve your situation, maybe your first plan should be to
write down "how" you can improve your situation.
We can all make excuses and that is what they are, excuses. Perhaps during your next therapy session you should bring up this facet, your therapist may be able to help you change your negative thinking.
You are educated, your children are no longer babies, they will eventually leave the nest, then what will you do?
The process will obviously be slow, but, if you don't start, you will never get there.
Just my two cents.
My attitude is how can I do this, not, why I cannot do it. Your post is all about why you cannot do anything to improve your situation, maybe your first plan should be to
write down "how" you can improve your situation.
We can all make excuses and that is what they are, excuses. Perhaps during your next therapy session you should bring up this facet, your therapist may be able to help you change your negative thinking.
You are educated, your children are no longer babies, they will eventually leave the nest, then what will you do?
The process will obviously be slow, but, if you don't start, you will never get there.
Just my two cents.
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
living la vie de recovery
Hey gang,
I've been busy with my RS/AS (I'm not sure which), the end of the school year, a part time job, my mom's surgery, blah,blah, blah! Yes,I could go on but i won't. My son has been home since April 23, a month and things have been up and down. I have found one empty bottle of beer, a few adderall in his pocket, he has passed alcohol test each time I have given them to him. I am aware of his goings on and I'm not totally sure he is clean. i think he is trying,but then again he may just be trying to hide it. Eachtime we have had a confrontation he has eventually admitted to it and was honest. This is a big step. However, I'm sure he is not being totally truthful all of the time. I feel we're at a pretty good place right now, but that could fall through at any second. I am trying to stay out of his business while attending to his whereabouts...a hard line to walk. I am also trying to go on with my life and not totally focus on him, but old codie ways are hard to get rid of. Tonight he was late, said he went to an NA meeting. Something in my gut says,yeah right. He was given 3 more months of court supervision so that is a good thing. He is 17 now and if he gets caught it will be more trouble. so he will just have to deal with it. I think this sounds too negative, because we have had some good times too since he has been back. but you all know how it is.The bad is what our minds focus on. Anyway, thought you all might want an update.
krhea
I've been busy with my RS/AS (I'm not sure which), the end of the school year, a part time job, my mom's surgery, blah,blah, blah! Yes,I could go on but i won't. My son has been home since April 23, a month and things have been up and down. I have found one empty bottle of beer, a few adderall in his pocket, he has passed alcohol test each time I have given them to him. I am aware of his goings on and I'm not totally sure he is clean. i think he is trying,but then again he may just be trying to hide it. Eachtime we have had a confrontation he has eventually admitted to it and was honest. This is a big step. However, I'm sure he is not being totally truthful all of the time. I feel we're at a pretty good place right now, but that could fall through at any second. I am trying to stay out of his business while attending to his whereabouts...a hard line to walk. I am also trying to go on with my life and not totally focus on him, but old codie ways are hard to get rid of. Tonight he was late, said he went to an NA meeting. Something in my gut says,yeah right. He was given 3 more months of court supervision so that is a good thing. He is 17 now and if he gets caught it will be more trouble. so he will just have to deal with it. I think this sounds too negative, because we have had some good times too since he has been back. but you all know how it is.The bad is what our minds focus on. Anyway, thought you all might want an update.
krhea
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Try not to worry so much about a career right now. I do understand what your Therapist is saying about preparing to being self-sufficient and he was probably just giving you somethings to think about and some suggestions.
I guess the truth is when one spouse is in active addiction the other spouse is left with the responsibilities and we have to do what we have to do to survive.
I understand what you are saying about not being able to concentrate a lot on your work right now and I think you are doing the right thing at this point by going to meetings. Before to long you will be stronger!
Just remember that these were only suggestions, things to think about....One Day At A Time!
Rose
I guess the truth is when one spouse is in active addiction the other spouse is left with the responsibilities and we have to do what we have to do to survive.
I understand what you are saying about not being able to concentrate a lot on your work right now and I think you are doing the right thing at this point by going to meetings. Before to long you will be stronger!
Just remember that these were only suggestions, things to think about....One Day At A Time!
Rose
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Here is a Link:
http://www.myflorida.com/taxonomy/fl...a%20Employment
and another:
https://jobs.myflorida.com/joblist.h...de=-4.10000000
for the City of Jascksonvillle:
http://www.coj.net/Departments/Human...rt/default.htm
The first thing is to ask yourself what you LIKE to do that is NOT raising kids and being a wife?
Scheduling can be worked out.. and sometimes you will need help. From the State website I see many links for help.
I have re-invented myself so many times.. I have a 4 yr degree in Geography and almost finishes a 2 year degree in Engineering science. I have done everything from Farm work to Survey and civil engineering project design.. to painting houses.. because, as Dolly said, I believe I can do anything. I might be scared when I try for it, but I look around me at other people doing the same stuff and think, "I am as smart as they are and I am smarter than some of them and THEY are doing this, so I can." Then I go and do it.
You can do this. You won't do it all at once, but you can do this. You have to decide you can and then you can.
I know that sounds simplistic and it is. I also know how hard it is to do.
PS: I did all the stuff I did and I was told I was emotionally unstable too! I quit a good job and floundered for awhile.. almost lost everything when I got divorced.. However, since I was the one who had to provide my own roof, I did it. I figured it out. I tried making excuses as to why.., but in the end the why was because I did not believe in ME. Faced that and moved forward.
This time.. when Steve and I split.. I did not lose anything (but him and his expenses)and I was fine.. tho I stumbled and cried at first. I came here and did a lot of work on me with the advice here and alanon I have kicked over those old codependent traces and am feeling free with a good dose of self confidence in there.
http://www.myflorida.com/taxonomy/fl...a%20Employment
and another:
https://jobs.myflorida.com/joblist.h...de=-4.10000000
for the City of Jascksonvillle:
http://www.coj.net/Departments/Human...rt/default.htm
The first thing is to ask yourself what you LIKE to do that is NOT raising kids and being a wife?
Scheduling can be worked out.. and sometimes you will need help. From the State website I see many links for help.
I have re-invented myself so many times.. I have a 4 yr degree in Geography and almost finishes a 2 year degree in Engineering science. I have done everything from Farm work to Survey and civil engineering project design.. to painting houses.. because, as Dolly said, I believe I can do anything. I might be scared when I try for it, but I look around me at other people doing the same stuff and think, "I am as smart as they are and I am smarter than some of them and THEY are doing this, so I can." Then I go and do it.
You can do this. You won't do it all at once, but you can do this. You have to decide you can and then you can.
I know that sounds simplistic and it is. I also know how hard it is to do.
PS: I did all the stuff I did and I was told I was emotionally unstable too! I quit a good job and floundered for awhile.. almost lost everything when I got divorced.. However, since I was the one who had to provide my own roof, I did it. I figured it out. I tried making excuses as to why.., but in the end the why was because I did not believe in ME. Faced that and moved forward.
This time.. when Steve and I split.. I did not lose anything (but him and his expenses)and I was fine.. tho I stumbled and cried at first. I came here and did a lot of work on me with the advice here and alanon I have kicked over those old codependent traces and am feeling free with a good dose of self confidence in there.
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