I am wondering...
tangled up in blue
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
I am wondering...
I got into a fight with my Dad earlier today because I was obviously upset but wouldn't say what was wrong. He told me that I never let him know what's going on in my life. I've decided that I really need to tell him about my alcoholism and problems with drugs. I'm going to go to this cafe tonight and write out a letter to my Mom and Dad. My Mom's coming back home in 2 days. I feel like they really need to know, especially considering my relapse with a drug not too long ago.
I'm wondering what you think...okay, I realize how funny this is going to sound but please bear in mind that I really don't trust myself right now to not get involved in any type of substance. The nights are the worst. I have looked up information about inpatient facilities and there's no possible way that I can afford such treatment. Do you think it's extreme for me to ask my parents to put a bolt and lock on my bedroom door and lock me in at night? Believe me, I know that sounds so extreme but these nights have been horrible. The night that I gave in to snorting Ritalin, I almost drank as well and I can feel myself sliding back into this lifestyle. I've been anxious as hell and I've been itching to get to the store for a drink. Do you think that it's too extreme to have someone lock you in a room from a certain time at night until the morning? I feel as if it's one of the only ways I won't relapse again. Maybe I'm being really foolish. I have no idea.
Also, I'm wondering if you think it's selfish to tell my parents at this time. I feel so badly because I keep getting into arguments with my parents (with my Mom over the phone since she's not here right now). It's not because I enjoy getting into fights. Well, I found out that recently my grandma had a stroke. It was a mild one but I can imagine how much stress this is having on my Mom. My Mom's been staying with my sister in NY (long story) and that hasn't gone well at all. My sister doesn't treat my Mom very well, even though my mom's there to help her. My mom will be returning home in 2 days. My Dad's been stressed out because of all of these situations. I don't know if now is the proper time to tell them about my problems. I just feel really badly, like I will make one of them have a heart attack due to stress. Do you think that I should give it more time??
I'm wondering what you think...okay, I realize how funny this is going to sound but please bear in mind that I really don't trust myself right now to not get involved in any type of substance. The nights are the worst. I have looked up information about inpatient facilities and there's no possible way that I can afford such treatment. Do you think it's extreme for me to ask my parents to put a bolt and lock on my bedroom door and lock me in at night? Believe me, I know that sounds so extreme but these nights have been horrible. The night that I gave in to snorting Ritalin, I almost drank as well and I can feel myself sliding back into this lifestyle. I've been anxious as hell and I've been itching to get to the store for a drink. Do you think that it's too extreme to have someone lock you in a room from a certain time at night until the morning? I feel as if it's one of the only ways I won't relapse again. Maybe I'm being really foolish. I have no idea.
Also, I'm wondering if you think it's selfish to tell my parents at this time. I feel so badly because I keep getting into arguments with my parents (with my Mom over the phone since she's not here right now). It's not because I enjoy getting into fights. Well, I found out that recently my grandma had a stroke. It was a mild one but I can imagine how much stress this is having on my Mom. My Mom's been staying with my sister in NY (long story) and that hasn't gone well at all. My sister doesn't treat my Mom very well, even though my mom's there to help her. My mom will be returning home in 2 days. My Dad's been stressed out because of all of these situations. I don't know if now is the proper time to tell them about my problems. I just feel really badly, like I will make one of them have a heart attack due to stress. Do you think that I should give it more time??
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Hi
I think its an excellent idea to tell your mum and dad. As long as you are prepared for reaction. I told mine yesterday my mum was fantastic my dad was less than sympathetic, but thenhey I amn't looking for sympathy so that should have read he was less than understanding. He just couldn't get it. But at least they know now.
I bet you wouldn't bethe 1st person to be lockedin a room , but make sure its your decision and what you want and that maybe its like a mortice lock with the key left in the outside so if something happened, like a fire etc, someone could get you out.....there I go again pessimistic or what tonight.
Good luck whatever you decide. I think your parents knowing would give you support and encouragement but you know them best.
Take care
hugs
I think its an excellent idea to tell your mum and dad. As long as you are prepared for reaction. I told mine yesterday my mum was fantastic my dad was less than sympathetic, but thenhey I amn't looking for sympathy so that should have read he was less than understanding. He just couldn't get it. But at least they know now.
I bet you wouldn't bethe 1st person to be lockedin a room , but make sure its your decision and what you want and that maybe its like a mortice lock with the key left in the outside so if something happened, like a fire etc, someone could get you out.....there I go again pessimistic or what tonight.
Good luck whatever you decide. I think your parents knowing would give you support and encouragement but you know them best.
Take care
hugs
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
When you feel it's right....I am a little impulsive, but i am the kind of man that has to get it out when the heart is saying.Sometimes it is all at the same time, but i think there is also an inner voice worrying you...Saying better tell so i get some support to help me. I am not a drinker, i drank like 4 times at home and i told my mom and although it hurt her a lot, i told her about taking the pills. She was very devastated and worried that i'd do it again. But it took a weight of my shoulders because i was so alone.If your parents are supportive they will help you in this and the fact they know will make you work to make them proud.It hurts that i told her that, but now that she knows, i am free to fight while she watches....you know...My family isn't normal, so my view might be strange.but i think if you open your heart and get into the feelings that got you there it will be deeper but more understandable( for lack of better word). A good talk eye to eye is a stepping stone in a family. I once talked for 3 hours with my dad, he is very cold, after that he said, nice to talk to you...lol. Your dad seems different and supportive so..... i am confident you will feel a great release and support!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
No not at all..you're stating your problems and lying it out and putting
your cards on the table..No more elephant in the living room
However...
Lower you're expectations or your parents re-actions.
They might accepted it or not...give them time to process it.
You know...you had a heck of a time accepting your alcoholism yourself.
They will have thier perception of what an alcoholic is...until they reserch
and educate themselves to alcoholism..
This is why you have to do it for yourself first..
You might wanna have an extra copy of the BB or suggest your parents
to look up alcoholism on the net and what have ya.
my father didn't accept my alcoholism..he thinks it's willpower.
and blurr out all kinds of stupid sheit..
mmm...he's still a drunk thou..
mmm my gradmother died three years ago.
and there i go...with my codi stuff and the sheit hit the fan..
my mom was a bit stress and I didn't wanna add anymore trouble to her life.
But she was glad that I open up to her and laid my cards on the table
Loosing her mother was bad enough...loosing me would just put her in the twielight zone..
your cards on the table..No more elephant in the living room
However...
Lower you're expectations or your parents re-actions.
They might accepted it or not...give them time to process it.
You know...you had a heck of a time accepting your alcoholism yourself.
They will have thier perception of what an alcoholic is...until they reserch
and educate themselves to alcoholism..
This is why you have to do it for yourself first..
You might wanna have an extra copy of the BB or suggest your parents
to look up alcoholism on the net and what have ya.
my father didn't accept my alcoholism..he thinks it's willpower.
and blurr out all kinds of stupid sheit..
mmm...he's still a drunk thou..
mmm my gradmother died three years ago.
and there i go...with my codi stuff and the sheit hit the fan..
my mom was a bit stress and I didn't wanna add anymore trouble to her life.
But she was glad that I open up to her and laid my cards on the table
Loosing her mother was bad enough...loosing me would just put her in the twielight zone..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
It is not selfish to tell them. How could it be? IMO they will be glad you are doing something about it. I think it will reduce stress, not create stress. Trust me if you are an alkie/addict, they know or strongly suspect it.
In my case, especially since I lived far enough away, I could join AA and if I had a relapse, I had no accountability to anyone in the family because I had never told them that I was in AA or trying to get sober. (Everyone knew I drank too much however).
So when I did relapse, I did it big time, again without any knowledge to my family.
So when I went back into AA, I met my sister and Dad (Mom had passed away by then) for breakfast and told them what I was doing. I called my brother -who lives 800 miles away - amd told him about it. I had to convince him I was an alcoholic! It did not take long, just a few war stories that the average moderate drinker can never relate to.
It has really helped to do this, I now feel like if I replapse, I am letting all of them down as well as myself.
I personally would be POd if someone wrote me a letter, rather than talking face-to-face, regardless of the subject. Why would you write a letter rather than just telling them? That seems so impersonal. Again, just my opinion.
In my case, especially since I lived far enough away, I could join AA and if I had a relapse, I had no accountability to anyone in the family because I had never told them that I was in AA or trying to get sober. (Everyone knew I drank too much however).
So when I did relapse, I did it big time, again without any knowledge to my family.
So when I went back into AA, I met my sister and Dad (Mom had passed away by then) for breakfast and told them what I was doing. I called my brother -who lives 800 miles away - amd told him about it. I had to convince him I was an alcoholic! It did not take long, just a few war stories that the average moderate drinker can never relate to.
It has really helped to do this, I now feel like if I replapse, I am letting all of them down as well as myself.
I personally would be POd if someone wrote me a letter, rather than talking face-to-face, regardless of the subject. Why would you write a letter rather than just telling them? That seems so impersonal. Again, just my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 35
I live a significant distance from my family too, so they did not know about my drinking problem. I do not have a very close relationship with them and was scared to tell my brother and parents. I waited until I had been in the program for about six months. Their reactions were mixed. They were supportive, yet upset I had been hiding it. They were glad I had found help for myself, but questioned whether I really had a problem.
You know better than I about the likelihood that your family will be supportive, but it is probably better to tell them sooner than later. I agree with a previous post to try not to have too many expectations about how they will react.
You know better than I about the likelihood that your family will be supportive, but it is probably better to tell them sooner than later. I agree with a previous post to try not to have too many expectations about how they will react.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
I have an 18 year old son.If he came to me and told me he was addicted and needed help-I'd do anything.....anything - to help him-regardless of what the problem was.
Your parents might initially be upset and confused-but I bet you anything-in the end-they'll support you-from all you've said about them.
I know it's scarey-but you have so much support here.I am thinking of you...
Love,
Rosexox
Your parents might initially be upset and confused-but I bet you anything-in the end-they'll support you-from all you've said about them.
I know it's scarey-but you have so much support here.I am thinking of you...
Love,
Rosexox
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Hey B2B, telling your folks is an EXCELLENT idea.
Bolt on your bedroom door? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa How about instead trying some AA and/or NA meetings in your area. Not necessarily to get the 12 step prorgram but to find some sober and clean compardre's to 'hang' with. You will be amazed at the difference in yourself when you get to see and meet some others that are now or have been exactly where you are now.
Meetings were a REAL SAFE PLACE for me, and the meetings after the meetings when some of the folks would go to a coffee shop, .......WOW.
Give it a try, you might just like it, lol.
Please tell your folks, like has been said, they may be upset at first, but I would make a big bet that they will be behind you 100%.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Bolt on your bedroom door? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa How about instead trying some AA and/or NA meetings in your area. Not necessarily to get the 12 step prorgram but to find some sober and clean compardre's to 'hang' with. You will be amazed at the difference in yourself when you get to see and meet some others that are now or have been exactly where you are now.
Meetings were a REAL SAFE PLACE for me, and the meetings after the meetings when some of the folks would go to a coffee shop, .......WOW.
Give it a try, you might just like it, lol.
Please tell your folks, like has been said, they may be upset at first, but I would make a big bet that they will be behind you 100%.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
Here's my really short AA/program/recovery answer: Be true to thine own self first, practice rigorous honesty with others. Yes, let your parents know.
The lock on the door? Nope, they're not responsible for your sobriety. Like laurie said, find some meetings and go hang out with other people in the program, have coffee, meet new people, get phone numbers. You might be surprised at how much fun you can have in recovery!
The lock on the door? Nope, they're not responsible for your sobriety. Like laurie said, find some meetings and go hang out with other people in the program, have coffee, meet new people, get phone numbers. You might be surprised at how much fun you can have in recovery!
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