Hi. I am new here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
Hi. I am new here.
My boyfriend just had 60 days clean from crack. We had a loving family
going on and he was being responsible and caring and keeping all promises.
On Friday night, he told our daughter that he would see her on Saturday.
We haven't heard from him since Friday. I feel sick and want to cry but I must
comfort a crying child. She is saying that her father is a disgrace and a
disappointment. I don't know what to do. I need to break up with him. But I
cannot. I deserve better. And I need to decide if he should stay away from his
daughter forever.
The hard part about all of this is: Over 1 and 1/2 yrs. ago., my daughter met
her father for the first time. He was living in FL. He had us visit for Easter.
We were apart for 9 yrs. and he decided to quit his job and move back home
for us to start over. That was 10 mths. ago. On his 2nd day back he relapsed on
crack after being clean for over 1 yr. He used for over 7 mths. and went into
rehab and we just had 6 great weekends with him. There is so much love.
I am so sad but not as upset as the first time. The first time I didn't know what
was going on. I thought he needed a shrink. This time he was on meds for
depression and anxieties and attended mtgs. here and there. He was happy.
Now he's standing us up again.
going on and he was being responsible and caring and keeping all promises.
On Friday night, he told our daughter that he would see her on Saturday.
We haven't heard from him since Friday. I feel sick and want to cry but I must
comfort a crying child. She is saying that her father is a disgrace and a
disappointment. I don't know what to do. I need to break up with him. But I
cannot. I deserve better. And I need to decide if he should stay away from his
daughter forever.
The hard part about all of this is: Over 1 and 1/2 yrs. ago., my daughter met
her father for the first time. He was living in FL. He had us visit for Easter.
We were apart for 9 yrs. and he decided to quit his job and move back home
for us to start over. That was 10 mths. ago. On his 2nd day back he relapsed on
crack after being clean for over 1 yr. He used for over 7 mths. and went into
rehab and we just had 6 great weekends with him. There is so much love.
I am so sad but not as upset as the first time. The first time I didn't know what
was going on. I thought he needed a shrink. This time he was on meds for
depression and anxieties and attended mtgs. here and there. He was happy.
Now he's standing us up again.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Iowa
Posts: 54
I'm new here too, but I've also been around someone that been on dope for over 20 years. we're working on an intervention for him. Sounds like your b.f. got mixed up with the same bunch again when he moved back,have you ever thought of an intervention ? and if that doesn't work you might have to do a court commital .
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Here is a past post they may help you detach and manage your espectations.
What Addicts Do
I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
What Addicts Do
I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am sorry for your & your daughters pain.learning about addiction is hard. i just want to welcome you to S.R.. the addict in my life is my son. it is a hard road.read around & read the stickys at the top of the forum.sending prayers for all of you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome to SR.... glad to meet you.
When my daughter could ask the hard questions.... I had to keep telling her.
Your Dad is sick.... he has a disease. He loves you the best he can.... even if it is not the way you want to be loved.
I know it hurts... stick around and let us get to know you better....
When my daughter could ask the hard questions.... I had to keep telling her.
Your Dad is sick.... he has a disease. He loves you the best he can.... even if it is not the way you want to be loved.
I know it hurts... stick around and let us get to know you better....
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Okay,
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
The addicts in my life are my 2 sons, so I'm not really in your situation.
But attending meetings Alanon, or Naranon, could help you have a support system.
Hugs,
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
The addicts in my life are my 2 sons, so I'm not really in your situation.
But attending meetings Alanon, or Naranon, could help you have a support system.
Hugs,
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
All of us Moms have rushed in with love and concern...It's what comes natural.
Let's here it for the moms. The support is wonderful !! Unconditional love is what it is all about, combined with detachment, is what I've come to know.
Let's here it for the moms. The support is wonderful !! Unconditional love is what it is all about, combined with detachment, is what I've come to know.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
wecome to sr, the addict in my life is my hubby. you have to do what you have to do to protect your daughter. i agree with cynay, hoping you stick around too. keeping you and yours in my prayers
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome to our world, one of dis-appointment and heartache.
Children have an insight that most adults do not understand, she is right in what she said, he is a disgrace. However, this is his choice, not yours, not hers.
He is sick, and, has a disease that there is no cure for.
You have some hard decisions ahead of you, who comes first, your child or your bf,
that is a choice only you can make.
I would hope you choose your child, but again, that is your choice.
Children have an insight that most adults do not understand, she is right in what she said, he is a disgrace. However, this is his choice, not yours, not hers.
He is sick, and, has a disease that there is no cure for.
You have some hard decisions ahead of you, who comes first, your child or your bf,
that is a choice only you can make.
I would hope you choose your child, but again, that is your choice.
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