confused.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
confused.
Sorry to post again, but I was wondering if maybe someone can explain this to me..cause I really don't have a clue..
When I'm drinking, I can freely talk to men but not women. I find it so difficult to communicate with women, I was the same at school, the women teachers I would argue with, scream at, but the men I didn't I was best behaviour. I don't know why I'm like this towards women. Its not normal, I'm not normal. I hate being such a cold and closed person. I just want to be able to accept friendships, without thinking there is an hidden agenda.
I'm getting more and more blackouts when I drink, It used to be occassionally but now its happening nearly everytime. I've tried to cut back and stop and only got to day one, and was drinking. this might sound really bad and i'm sorry its my 28th in 18 days and I can't deal with another year like the last and have planned to kill myself before the day arrives. I've sorted everything out, finanances and letters. I've not told anyone until now i don't know if I can trust myself anymore.
When I'm drinking, I can freely talk to men but not women. I find it so difficult to communicate with women, I was the same at school, the women teachers I would argue with, scream at, but the men I didn't I was best behaviour. I don't know why I'm like this towards women. Its not normal, I'm not normal. I hate being such a cold and closed person. I just want to be able to accept friendships, without thinking there is an hidden agenda.
I'm getting more and more blackouts when I drink, It used to be occassionally but now its happening nearly everytime. I've tried to cut back and stop and only got to day one, and was drinking. this might sound really bad and i'm sorry its my 28th in 18 days and I can't deal with another year like the last and have planned to kill myself before the day arrives. I've sorted everything out, finanances and letters. I've not told anyone until now i don't know if I can trust myself anymore.
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
Hey my friend. Why don't you replace your every word of destruction with positivity....I know you want to, just do it!It won't be easy, it's going to be very hard! But you are supposed to win this fight, you came to earth to have a path of evolution.Now you can't change the past, you can't, you just can't. But your future is up to you. I know you want to.First thing: Positivity, stop beating yourself down!And then start living. I want so bad to see your future posts and i really want you to come here and post a happy poem, ok?
I am waiting. i am not leaving until i get an : I am worth it! SAY IT!
and about the relation with women, i am a man and i have had a hard relation with my dad, it has had its reflexions on my life in society giving me insecurity sometimes and also a lot of strength from digging inside, dig inside but don't dwell on it too much.... just try to understand without punishing yourself....a mistake is a learning path not a destructive one.....
don't make me take a plane and make you say I'm worth it.lol. Cmon post : I am Worth it!
I am waiting. i am not leaving until i get an : I am worth it! SAY IT!
and about the relation with women, i am a man and i have had a hard relation with my dad, it has had its reflexions on my life in society giving me insecurity sometimes and also a lot of strength from digging inside, dig inside but don't dwell on it too much.... just try to understand without punishing yourself....a mistake is a learning path not a destructive one.....
don't make me take a plane and make you say I'm worth it.lol. Cmon post : I am Worth it!
tangled up in blue
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
its my 28th in 18 days and I can't deal with another year like the last and have planned to kill myself before the day arrives. I've sorted everything out, finanances and letters. I've not told anyone until now i don't know if I can trust myself anymore.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 264
Hi, sweetie.
First of all - (((hugs)))
Second of all please read this link that is part of this forum before you make any drastic decisions about ending your own life.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html
Please don't do this. Suicide is not a solution. Whatever you are going through, you WILL make it. A friend of mine's husband killed himself just over a year ago. You cannot imagine the carnage left behind with his family. Two little kids whose lives are ruined forever. A completely shocked wife, sisters and brothers and parents struggling to understand, everyone blaming everyone else. I think everyday about what if he had tried something else. Even committing himself to a psychiatric ward would have been preferable to that. Because there is no opportunity for change for him, no opportunity for growth. No opportunity for redemption. He is just GONE. His kids were home when he shot himself (not in the same room thank God). Can you even imagine the suffering they will go through for the rest of their lives?
As for your other question about trusting women. I too had a hard time trusting women until I got sober. I drank and felt very very comfortable with men. So comfortable I often ended up getting REALLY comfortabe with them if you know what I mean. I found men quite easily manipulated by sex. I wouldn't have to have sex with them to manipulate them. Flirting was usually enough. The trouble was I was so needy of male affection that I would fall in love with them. When they couldn't give me enough to fill my unending thirst for affection, I would get angry. And go find another one.
I was frightened of women. Women were onto my game. I also saw them as judgmental, shrewish, and jealous gossippers.
Long story short, at the time I was a drinking alcoholic. I didn't make the best judgments about ANYTHING. When I got sober, I was amazed to find real female friendships for the first time in my life. Women who truly gave a damn about ME. Who I could open up to and trust.
As for men, I have come to realize that it is MEN I am truly frightened of. I drank around men and played the sex-power-game because it was all I knew how to do and I didn't trust men. Today, thanks to sobriety and some hard work on trust issues, I am OK with men who for whatever reason aren't attractive to me. BUT I still have a big problem even talking to attractive men. I am not in the market, and these are sober men who don't want anything out of me that I am aware of, yet I find myself continuing to avoid and snub them. It's not the best thing I'm sure, but it's all I feel comfortable with at this point. (almost 18 mos sober)
It's an interesting question. I am sure I will not figure it out today. I don't want to be frightened of attractive men forever. It's better than the life I had before though--WAY BETTER. I'm happy and peaceful today. Lots of great friends, great family. However, it's a great day to be sober and I am sure I have a better chance of figuring it out sober than drunk.
((take care of yourself today))
Love,
C2B
First of all - (((hugs)))
Second of all please read this link that is part of this forum before you make any drastic decisions about ending your own life.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html
Please don't do this. Suicide is not a solution. Whatever you are going through, you WILL make it. A friend of mine's husband killed himself just over a year ago. You cannot imagine the carnage left behind with his family. Two little kids whose lives are ruined forever. A completely shocked wife, sisters and brothers and parents struggling to understand, everyone blaming everyone else. I think everyday about what if he had tried something else. Even committing himself to a psychiatric ward would have been preferable to that. Because there is no opportunity for change for him, no opportunity for growth. No opportunity for redemption. He is just GONE. His kids were home when he shot himself (not in the same room thank God). Can you even imagine the suffering they will go through for the rest of their lives?
As for your other question about trusting women. I too had a hard time trusting women until I got sober. I drank and felt very very comfortable with men. So comfortable I often ended up getting REALLY comfortabe with them if you know what I mean. I found men quite easily manipulated by sex. I wouldn't have to have sex with them to manipulate them. Flirting was usually enough. The trouble was I was so needy of male affection that I would fall in love with them. When they couldn't give me enough to fill my unending thirst for affection, I would get angry. And go find another one.
I was frightened of women. Women were onto my game. I also saw them as judgmental, shrewish, and jealous gossippers.
Long story short, at the time I was a drinking alcoholic. I didn't make the best judgments about ANYTHING. When I got sober, I was amazed to find real female friendships for the first time in my life. Women who truly gave a damn about ME. Who I could open up to and trust.
As for men, I have come to realize that it is MEN I am truly frightened of. I drank around men and played the sex-power-game because it was all I knew how to do and I didn't trust men. Today, thanks to sobriety and some hard work on trust issues, I am OK with men who for whatever reason aren't attractive to me. BUT I still have a big problem even talking to attractive men. I am not in the market, and these are sober men who don't want anything out of me that I am aware of, yet I find myself continuing to avoid and snub them. It's not the best thing I'm sure, but it's all I feel comfortable with at this point. (almost 18 mos sober)
It's an interesting question. I am sure I will not figure it out today. I don't want to be frightened of attractive men forever. It's better than the life I had before though--WAY BETTER. I'm happy and peaceful today. Lots of great friends, great family. However, it's a great day to be sober and I am sure I have a better chance of figuring it out sober than drunk.
((take care of yourself today))
Love,
C2B
tangled up in blue
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
Lostchild, I know I posted in this thread earlier, but I also want you to know that often when we're upset, we think that the way we're feeling will last forever. Maybe we've found ourselves in a situation that we're incredibly embarrassed, hurt, or sick over. I've certainly felt like this before and am currently feeling this way. What keeps me going is reminding myself of situations in the past where I've felt similarly, and then realizing that now these feelings I had then about that situation are no longer there. The situations I felt so strongly about from my past no longer seem crucial. Then I tell myself that the situation I'm dealing with now will probably be a mere blip in my radar (if even on my radar) in years to come.
It's so hard to give yourself these reinforcements because they're truly hard to believe when you're struggling with pain. Lost_child, every time I read your posts, I see a person that is hurting an incredible amount but who also has a great spirit. I feel like you can really overcome this. Suicide is not the answer. It's a permanent solution for a temporary problem. You can't rewind this decision. You will be leaving behind so many people that love you (even if you can't see it now) a great deal and I can guarantee you that many of these loved ones will never be able to get over this loss. You will be that sudden pain they feel in their stomach when they see something that reminds them of you. You will be the creak in the doorway when they turn and look to see if it's you that's home from work, but it can't be because you're gone. You don't want to do that and you have so much to live for. Whenever I read your posts, I honestly feel as if you have so much potential. You seem like such a caring person. And even though I know you always apologize for posting on SR, I don't think you should feel that way, because these posts truly help people. I feel this post really helped me today; it made me realize that I need to look ahead and not behind and that our problems are only temporary if we allow them to be. Take care.
It's so hard to give yourself these reinforcements because they're truly hard to believe when you're struggling with pain. Lost_child, every time I read your posts, I see a person that is hurting an incredible amount but who also has a great spirit. I feel like you can really overcome this. Suicide is not the answer. It's a permanent solution for a temporary problem. You can't rewind this decision. You will be leaving behind so many people that love you (even if you can't see it now) a great deal and I can guarantee you that many of these loved ones will never be able to get over this loss. You will be that sudden pain they feel in their stomach when they see something that reminds them of you. You will be the creak in the doorway when they turn and look to see if it's you that's home from work, but it can't be because you're gone. You don't want to do that and you have so much to live for. Whenever I read your posts, I honestly feel as if you have so much potential. You seem like such a caring person. And even though I know you always apologize for posting on SR, I don't think you should feel that way, because these posts truly help people. I feel this post really helped me today; it made me realize that I need to look ahead and not behind and that our problems are only temporary if we allow them to be. Take care.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Lost child- get yourself to some meetings. Listen & learn. Listening to others share through the last couple of years has made it easier for me to change and now be open with my feelings to all in my life which I couln't do before. The power of the group is astonishing. It works if you work it.
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Lost....Please post, I am worried.
I 2nd what everyone else has said. my b/f killed himself and noone knows why, I could go into details of what he did but won't in a post, but suffice to say he planned it all for weeks and months and noone knew. I left him the night before it and arranged to meet him in the pub, he said the time but he knew what he was gonna do, he knew he'd no be in that pub(and honest I am not that scary - im not being insesitive it's my coping mechanism) .
He left a whirlwind of sadness emptiness, hurt and destruction behind and why?...because noone could share his suffering (whatever it may have been) I am here, everyone else is here to share your suffering if you will let us, male?, female? it doesn't really matter you are worth the help otherwise you wouldnt be on SR in 1st place.
Sorry if I speak out of turn but this is SO important. YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT
hugs
I 2nd what everyone else has said. my b/f killed himself and noone knows why, I could go into details of what he did but won't in a post, but suffice to say he planned it all for weeks and months and noone knew. I left him the night before it and arranged to meet him in the pub, he said the time but he knew what he was gonna do, he knew he'd no be in that pub(and honest I am not that scary - im not being insesitive it's my coping mechanism) .
He left a whirlwind of sadness emptiness, hurt and destruction behind and why?...because noone could share his suffering (whatever it may have been) I am here, everyone else is here to share your suffering if you will let us, male?, female? it doesn't really matter you are worth the help otherwise you wouldnt be on SR in 1st place.
Sorry if I speak out of turn but this is SO important. YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT
hugs
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
A month and a hath ago i took a lot of pills. I tried to vomit them but i couldn't.I tried and they did not come out. I went to bed with a religious image on my hands and i squeezed it against my chest and i prayed to survive and i thought it was it. I know today i don't want to die.I am sure of that.And i am completely sure you don't want too.I know there is a person inside of you that is urging to live, urging to feel peace, but you don't know it yet. I wouldn't lie to you, life is really worth living. Take my hand i will show you, i promise!Just don't give up!I am asking you to believe in all of us...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Becuase when your drunk most men just wanna get under your panties.
My gf has the same problem. She has a harder time communicating with
women becuase all the boys gives her attention. Plus her relationship
with her mother was as such..her mom was the authority figure in the
house. She was daddy's little girl and had a very stong bond with her dad.
It's bascially the same with me. As far as guys really talking about anything
half way seriouse..we trip out.. Becuase we're men or a man...We can handle
anything. And if there's slight hint of feelings involve or something that might
make your cry....heck no...men don't cried. There's very few close best-friends
that are male that I can talk to..but those are the people that came into
my life in childhood before girl came around, before drugs and alcohol.
Plus my dad is an abrasive drunk that beats the crap out of me. He was the
figure of authority. My mother love's me and cuddle me and takes time to talk
and listen to me. She don't hit me or abuse me...mmm she dosn't drink either..
So it's easier for me to open up to women and the women that talks to me
has the same problem with other women..they think women are bitches sometimes.
Plus when I'm all f-up blurring out my sobb stories...they just wanna take me
home and fix me and fix my broken heart. But in general I can talk to female
eaier and open myself. But i run like hell from snot nose females too.
but sometime the devil has a blue dress on...lol
L C as i said, I tried to commit suicide already and it got me nowhere.
when I sober up things started to change..
I can't do it for you..even if you choose to kill yourself or live.
yeap.. life's a bitch sometimes..that's for sure..
But I found a way out of that living hell...
First i had to stop drinking and using thou.
My gf has the same problem. She has a harder time communicating with
women becuase all the boys gives her attention. Plus her relationship
with her mother was as such..her mom was the authority figure in the
house. She was daddy's little girl and had a very stong bond with her dad.
It's bascially the same with me. As far as guys really talking about anything
half way seriouse..we trip out.. Becuase we're men or a man...We can handle
anything. And if there's slight hint of feelings involve or something that might
make your cry....heck no...men don't cried. There's very few close best-friends
that are male that I can talk to..but those are the people that came into
my life in childhood before girl came around, before drugs and alcohol.
Plus my dad is an abrasive drunk that beats the crap out of me. He was the
figure of authority. My mother love's me and cuddle me and takes time to talk
and listen to me. She don't hit me or abuse me...mmm she dosn't drink either..
So it's easier for me to open up to women and the women that talks to me
has the same problem with other women..they think women are bitches sometimes.
Plus when I'm all f-up blurring out my sobb stories...they just wanna take me
home and fix me and fix my broken heart. But in general I can talk to female
eaier and open myself. But i run like hell from snot nose females too.
but sometime the devil has a blue dress on...lol
L C as i said, I tried to commit suicide already and it got me nowhere.
when I sober up things started to change..
I can't do it for you..even if you choose to kill yourself or live.
yeap.. life's a bitch sometimes..that's for sure..
But I found a way out of that living hell...
First i had to stop drinking and using thou.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
I'm sorry, no i'm not feeling any better I don't know if its the tablets I've been put on or if its cause I'm not sleeping, getting about 2 hours a nite. I'm physically drained. I've been trying to get support since I broke down 30th January 2006, everything hit I and I crumbled since then I've gone further and further down hill..I've had days where I felt alive but that was followed by days where I then tried to take my own life. I'm now a high risk, and have been told if I continue I will be sectioned. My cousin was sectioned and 18 months later she is still in hospital and her children in care. My uncle killed himself when I was 8, he took an overdose after years of being stuck in depression. My friend killed himself on Christmas eve 06 after depression. I know this is sooo cold of me. My family have walked away from me, I don't speak to my brother anymore and my mum told me I had torn the family apart and now has very little to do with me. My sisters have their own family and we only speak when they want something from me. I have no other family as I was disowned because my now ex was mixed race, so they shunned me and also regular threaten me with violence. I have 2 friends, neither who I trust enough I've tried talking to them but one ran away literally and the other just laughs when ever I try to talk, saying i'm a hard bitch and nothing ever effects me, this probably is my own fault I know. I've become so out of touch with people that I know find it so difficult to get any of that back. I have contacted my doctor to try and get in before friday, but at the moment their are no appointments. I don't want to live like this, I know it probably seems that I like being here, that I'm always so hard on myself and I guess I am. I want to change and I have been trying but getting no where. I'm sorry everyone. take care always. lost. x
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Hi Lost
I am glad you posted maybe it is the tablets, maybe somewhere deep inside your thoughts you have seen ending life as a coping mechanism (especially when you look at the history of your family and friends) - kinda like learned behavior - sorry this is by no means a medical/psychological analysis of things its just what I (underlined and in bold) see, or maybe it is severe depression. At this point it doesn't really matter what it is, its how to sort it that is HUGELY important
It is not the only answer. I don't know what the answer is I wish I did, but you are worth life, and you are worth help.
If your doc won;'t see you before fri, demand a house visit it is your right on the NHS.
Get a bus/taxi/walk to the nearest accident and emergency again that is your right here in the uk.
I can quite believe being sectioned is not a great thought, especially with your sisters experience to draw on, but my other half works for the mental health service and it can make a real difference they don't do it to people for a laugh they do it to treat conditions.
And sectioning usually happens because the person is unwilling to seek treatment themselves. You can be voluntarily admitted for specialist treatment. Anyway thats not really the issue. 6 months is too long to be suffering from a breakdown, you need help today.
Your choices for today and just today are
Go to any doctors surgey, walk in and explain whats going on (print off your posts) You will get help.
or
Go to your nearest acccident and emergency (again print off posts)
or
Phone and demand a home visit from your own doctor (although to be honest that may not happen until tomorrow now as home visits normally have to be booked before 10am)
Also don't know if these are any help but
http://www.befrienders.org/ (specific to suicide)
and there is also good old samaritans 08457 90 90 90
Please do something to make the pain a little less, to make the past a little less black and the future a little brighter. Little by Little by little....
x
I am glad you posted maybe it is the tablets, maybe somewhere deep inside your thoughts you have seen ending life as a coping mechanism (especially when you look at the history of your family and friends) - kinda like learned behavior - sorry this is by no means a medical/psychological analysis of things its just what I (underlined and in bold) see, or maybe it is severe depression. At this point it doesn't really matter what it is, its how to sort it that is HUGELY important
It is not the only answer. I don't know what the answer is I wish I did, but you are worth life, and you are worth help.
If your doc won;'t see you before fri, demand a house visit it is your right on the NHS.
Get a bus/taxi/walk to the nearest accident and emergency again that is your right here in the uk.
I can quite believe being sectioned is not a great thought, especially with your sisters experience to draw on, but my other half works for the mental health service and it can make a real difference they don't do it to people for a laugh they do it to treat conditions.
And sectioning usually happens because the person is unwilling to seek treatment themselves. You can be voluntarily admitted for specialist treatment. Anyway thats not really the issue. 6 months is too long to be suffering from a breakdown, you need help today.
Your choices for today and just today are
Go to any doctors surgey, walk in and explain whats going on (print off your posts) You will get help.
or
Go to your nearest acccident and emergency (again print off posts)
or
Phone and demand a home visit from your own doctor (although to be honest that may not happen until tomorrow now as home visits normally have to be booked before 10am)
Also don't know if these are any help but
http://www.befrienders.org/ (specific to suicide)
and there is also good old samaritans 08457 90 90 90
Please do something to make the pain a little less, to make the past a little less black and the future a little brighter. Little by Little by little....
x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
My doctor has called back and she's coming out to see me during her lunch break at 13:00. I've only seen her 3 times and that was the other week when I had to see her Wednesday, Thursday and Friday as she knew I was feeling suicidal and wanted to make sure I could get thru each day without being sectioned, I really don't want to be sectioned, the thought of it freaks me out. Thank you for ur reply. I will have a look on the website u have given. I have been diagnosed with complex ptsd, and clinical depression, and receive psychotherapy for it I've been having it for 18 months but I keep shutting down and not speaking.
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Thats great Lost,
So glad the doc on her way. Again I am no expert and this is just MY opinion but maybe its worth finding out if you could try a different psychotherapist. You have a whole lot of "trust issues" (sorry to use those terms), and its not surprising when I read the snippets I have done of your life, people you have trusted have either hurt you, let you down or left you - hardly a newsflash then that you don't want to tell someone very personal hurtful stuff.
Anyway again, thats not the REAL issue here the real issue is how can you get help. Maybe just maybe a different therapist with a different approach or different personality or different outlook or even just a different voice might make a tiny bit of difference.
Just try to look at the last few of posts you have written, you have opened up to people on SR and they want to help, they want you to be safe and to help you try to regain a decent quality of life. There are so many real people out there who can and would do the same (I am not implying SR members aren't real!!!!!!!, but ya know what I mean, people in your area who can offer you practical help and support) You just have to find them yet...
Now scary as it is take the chance, open up, and force yourself to talk when you can. Or when you are alone write stuff down and then show that to your therapist so you aren't actually having to talk? Just an idea..... The alternative is far worse.
Incidenatlly just texted other half to briefly ask him about sectioning, it very rarely lasts months let alone years and he has loads of success stories to talk about. At the end of the day the professionals are there to PROTECT you TReat you make you feel SAFE and HELP you. And H*ll knows, after whats gone in your life, isn't it about time that people did that to you.
Anyway hope some of this helps a bit, take care and let us know how you are x
So glad the doc on her way. Again I am no expert and this is just MY opinion but maybe its worth finding out if you could try a different psychotherapist. You have a whole lot of "trust issues" (sorry to use those terms), and its not surprising when I read the snippets I have done of your life, people you have trusted have either hurt you, let you down or left you - hardly a newsflash then that you don't want to tell someone very personal hurtful stuff.
Anyway again, thats not the REAL issue here the real issue is how can you get help. Maybe just maybe a different therapist with a different approach or different personality or different outlook or even just a different voice might make a tiny bit of difference.
Just try to look at the last few of posts you have written, you have opened up to people on SR and they want to help, they want you to be safe and to help you try to regain a decent quality of life. There are so many real people out there who can and would do the same (I am not implying SR members aren't real!!!!!!!, but ya know what I mean, people in your area who can offer you practical help and support) You just have to find them yet...
Now scary as it is take the chance, open up, and force yourself to talk when you can. Or when you are alone write stuff down and then show that to your therapist so you aren't actually having to talk? Just an idea..... The alternative is far worse.
Incidenatlly just texted other half to briefly ask him about sectioning, it very rarely lasts months let alone years and he has loads of success stories to talk about. At the end of the day the professionals are there to PROTECT you TReat you make you feel SAFE and HELP you. And H*ll knows, after whats gone in your life, isn't it about time that people did that to you.
Anyway hope some of this helps a bit, take care and let us know how you are x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: decatur, ga.
Posts: 33
It's truly amazing how my dis-ease would have me believe that death is better than life; and that there is just no end to this state of mind I have come to have; totally based on a decision I myself had made; and all the other stuff I now tell myself and choose to believe it. Please, give yourself a break to at least try this new way of living. And, if you feel that nothing is change you'll free to have all of your problems back. sloth@. tfs
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by lost_child 
I really don't want to be sectioned, the thought of it freaks me out. Thank you for ur reply. I will have a look on the website u have given. I have been diagnosed with complex ptsd, and clinical depression, and receive psychotherapy for it I've been having it for 18 months but I keep shutting down and not speaking.
Hi lost, glad you have someone coming out to see you. I'm not familiar with the laws in the UK, but I have been hospitalized twice. In the US they can force you to be hospitalized up to 72 hours against you will if you are deemed "a danger to yourself." The first time I spoke to my theripist about my thoughts of killing myself. This didn't just come out of the blue, it had been developing and he was rightly concerned for my safety. He gave me the choice of checking in voluntarily or he would have me "committed". I checked my self into the local mental hospital. I'll be honest, it totally freaked me out too, but it was where I needed to be.
Everyone was very nice and helpful and supportive. I was also involuntarily committed after I took an major overdose of pills to try to kill myself. Though I consider myself to be agnostic, it was only through some sort of divine intervention that I survived. Here in the States, if you attempt sucicde you are automaticly committed for at least 72 hours. For the first two days I couldn't even put together more than 2 words at a time.
You said at the beginning of this thread that you "weren't sure if you could trust yourself anymore." That is that little part in you that want's to fight this, even when you are at your deepest depths. Don't let you fear of being hospitalized kill you. I was feeling very bad last week. I almost checked myself into the hospital again. Instead I went to my doctor, we changed some of my meds and I'm doing better now. This isn't necessarily the solution for you, but you need to do what you have to to keep yourself safe.
I'll keep you in my thoughts. Hope maybe some of this helped. Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
It did help Tyler, from what I've been told and I don't know how much of this is true.. but it takes ur GP and a pysicaitrist to have u sectioned and u have to be a risk to urself or to others, but it does apprentely take a few suicide attempts to be sectioned. I was asked to self refer myself so it didn't get to me being sectioned but I feel that once I go in that will be it for me. My counsellor has told me that unless I can deal with things different I will be sectioned, my GP said was concerned and worried about me and I need to accept the support. Even as I write this now, today I have slumped big time I'm even thinking of contacting my counsellor and asking to see her to tomorrow, but I don't like to burden her, she's a survivor of ab*se herself and i don't want to keep burdening people. I do want to get better..I have a constent arguement in my head, one part saying end it, u deserve to die, it won't ever change and then another part sayin no fight it. The destroyers and healers is what my counsellor and I named it and today the destroyers are winning. I'm sorry.
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Hey lost,
How ya doing now, what did the doc say (pm me if you want to talk but don't want to speak about it openly on the posts)
Hope youu are ok thanks for your thoughts in my own post, away to head off soon.
take care
How ya doing now, what did the doc say (pm me if you want to talk but don't want to speak about it openly on the posts)
Hope youu are ok thanks for your thoughts in my own post, away to head off soon.
take care
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