LiLL

I suddenly realized this morning... that I've never been "single and happy" since I was like 16..... In the past 15 years, I was either having a boyfriend and happy, or single and sad. i had always wanted and needed to be loved. When each relationship ended, it's always like the end of world to me .....
When i got married, I thought i've finally found true love and never had to go through that pain again.....
This morning when I was imagining (again) about leaving my AH, and looking back at my past, I had this suffocating feeling that really made me cry. I just can't imagine myself being happy on my own ..... And i can't hope and wait like before for the right guy to come along.

chero

I know how you feel, Lill. When I left my AH it dawned on me that I had never really experienced a break-up that wasn't immediately followed by another guy. So, I never learned to deal with the loss.

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I understand your feelings.

Thanks for this thread. I can't wait to see what others have to offer you!

LiLL

Thank you Chero... it's a relief just to know somebody understands!
It's going to be so much harder than before because I'll the one to have to make the decision....
and I don't think I'll hope to remarry or even date again....

chero

It is harder to make that decision for yourself. But in some ways it was empowering to take charge of my own life.

And don't get me wrong. It's hard and scary and sometimes I want to run right back to him.

But you know, part of the battle is just realizing our behavior. Now you know how you are...getting happiness from a boyfriend/husband you can work on that.

Realizing that is a big step, Lill!! You will make the right choices. Don't be so afraid of the unknown. I'm out here in the smack dab middle of uncharted territory and I have good days and bad days, but I never could have done it until I was ready!

You'll know what to do when the time comes! And remember I'm out here with you! You aren't alone! There are a lot of us out here!

rosalie

When I lost my huband at a young age to heart disease I did not know how to feel or where to start to go on with life.He was my life. We were together for over 30 years.Married at a young age. A wonderful relationship even with all the trials life sent our way.
Then when I started to come back to life and attending local functions I felt disloyal and left out of the mix.
I joined a book club,started going to a local gym, stage productions. Eventually I had built up a circle of friends who all enjoyed the same activities I did.
Men and Women. I do have a male friend now and we see each other once a week and very comfortable relationship.
I had a hard time being alone at first,Not that I couln't handle being single and taking care of the house and car. Just missing him by my side.
Life moves on and we adapt accordingly.You just have to get on with it.Work at it.Move forward.

Spiritual Seeker

How to get to independent from dependent is the question. I would think even inside of a relationship this would be good to figure out how to do. My husband and i are each independent. The first step is understanding your situation because you can't change what you don't acknowledge. It sounds like you are on your way to make some changes. Good for you.