Wascally Wabbit

I am really trying very hard to keep my sanity and repeating the slogans, working the program, but...

I got a letter from my son who was kicked out of the rehab he was in after 5 days and was taken back to jail by his probation officer.

He and his brother were arrested 2 years ago for autobreaking.
The youngest got 5 years since this is his third time! No suprise.

The oldest got 5 years, first offence, spends 9 months in, gets out, does exceptionally well. 10 months later, he loses his job because he stayed out all night doing drugs. Naturally it all went down hill.
Here it is 3 months later, he's back in jail because
1. He lost his job
2. He can't pass a drug test

I get a letter from him today. Any of you who have children in prison know this pain. He was apologetic of course, but swears on his life he will complete a program if he can just get into one, that this will be his last chance forever.

I need guidance here. I hate to see anyone rot in a jail. Jail does not recouperate people, most especially a jail in the south.

What on earth could I do for him to have one last chance before he spends 3-5 years behind bars? His court date will be in June.

Everyone deserves a chance. I realize it might not work. But what if it did this time? What if this was his break through?

teke

i do understand how you must feel, my ah was in prison for 2 yrs. don't have any advice for you other than i think that you have to do what makes you feel better. maybe pray and believe that your hp knows whats best and they'll end up just where they are suppose to be. what do you think you can you do for him before he goes to court? is it not up to the judge now?

im2sweet4u1983

well I played the "mommy i'll get help" song a few times until I eventually got a hefty sentence and mom couldnt bail me out anymore. It took me being locked away with a bunch of other addicts who I despised because of how weak they were before i actually got sober. he's got to want to do it for him. You will be able to see it and hear it from him. My mom and sister told me that after all the times I said I was gonna get clean and didnt they knew I was gonna make it this time because they could hear it in my voice and see it in my eyes when I talked about it. it takes a lot but eventaually you need to understand that people can run out of chances and maybe thats what needs to happen to make him realize it thats what it took for me

hope213

i feel your pain. i know how it feels to have your son(s) in jail & prison. it is so hard but i realize that they can not stay on the streets.it is not safe for them or us,the innocent people.maybe your son can talk to his p.o. officer & see if he can not get him back in the program.maybe after he serves his sentence(both sons) instead of coming home they will go to a half way house & learn to live on the outside without the drugs. i will say a prayer for you & your sons.hugs,hope

marle

Wascally, I don't have any experience with jail yet. So I can only offer you hugs and prayers that your HP leads you to the answer that is best for you and your son. Hugs, Marle

bookmiser

((((((((WW)))))))))

I've got the same question as Teke. What are your options?
Is there something you can do to "help" his situation?
Here's my story...

First time...
As was arrested in a small town in Ky., driving under the influence. I left him there 6 days, bailed him out. He had to pay a fine and for the impoundment of the car.
Second time...
We pressed charges after he robbed the house while we were on vacation.
He took lots of dvd's, cd's, checkbook, jewelry, and heaven knows what else.
We'll never know, I guess.
At his hearing, we were willing to sign him into our custody and have him do house arrest for 6 months.
He was there a week and used twice.
We turned him back in. He spent 6 months behind bars.
Here's the kicker...I visited him 2-3 times a week and mailed him 20 dollars a week for snacks. Real punishment. He learned how to play poker very well. lol
At his hearing, we dropped the charges and he was released to us, and once again, we decided we hadn't had enough. He was suppose to be on probation for 6 months.
See his officer every month, and get into a rehab.
In the meantime, we moved back to our home state with the permission of the p.o. that he check in monthly by phone, get into rehab, which he's never done, and pay his "rent", fines, court costs, ect.
He stopped phoning p.o. after first month. Went to 3 sessions with a drug counselor, and has never paid a dime on his debt. He gets into trouble once, just once, and he's a goner. Back to Pa. to finish his 12-24 month sentence. Think he cares? Uh, no.
He believes that whatever happens, he'll somehow be able to avoid it. Know who taught him that? Me.
By saving him continuously.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not taking blame here. Just that I could have done things so differently. I just wasn't ready. Now, I'm just been waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's been almost a year, but that time will come, believe you me, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, I will be able to do about it.
Probably wouldn't if I could. Ha! I'm such a liar.
Anyway, the moral of this story....
He cried, begged, and pleaded for me to help him and he would go to rehab, pay his fines, contact his p.o. and get off her sh*t list, meetings, whatever it took. I believed him. Has he done any of those things? Nope.
He is staying out of trouble, though. He's not that stupid yet. Also, he has stayed sober alot lately. His new older gf doesn't like alcohol. Whatever it takes, I say.
Anyway, guess I really don't have an answer for ya, sweetie. Do what you can live with. Try not to regret anything, though.
I have a few.
All said with love and understanding,
Linda

Done_With_It

No advice just a hug..

Louise54

No advice either. I haven't gotten to the jail part yet, and hope that I don't . Just want to send prayers and hugs.

whathappened

Thanks bookmiser..Have AS in jail now..I haven't done anything to help him at all, no money, nothing..I did write a couple letters but thats it..Have his wife and 2children staying with me..My Husband is no support for me so I had to find some support somewhere, glad I found this forum..Looks like I was blessed today..

Live

RE: AS...actions speak louder than words. My husband and his ex-wife have a grown son who has been out of prison for just over a year. He was there for crack related offenses. His mother has supported him financially and in every other way while in prison and he lives with her now. When he first got out he got in NA and was doing well, when he started feeling safer he started slipping. Now he has substituted alcohol for crack and all ready I have seen hubby, gf and mother rescue him as he continues to push the envelope. And HE KNOWS if he violates it is 5 years! But unless some miracle happens that is exactly where he is headed and I dread the day his father gets that news. It is heartbreaking.

nogard

jail is hard but it saved my life and eventually helped to bring me to my knees and get desperate enough to quit using.

Kevin

greeteachday

When my daughter was in jail she befriended a young woman who said she wanted a chance to move beyond a life surrounded by drugs. I think if the jail doesn't offer much in terms of rehabilitation options...meetings, etc (like this place...it was pathetic) it can be very difficult for an addict seeking a chance to find help. I sent this young woman a listing of all the sliding scale rehab programs in this area and some stationary and stamps. I figured if she really wanted it, than this might give her the chance to pursue it. If she can demonstrate that she is committed and also find a placement, perhaps she will be paroled sooner. I know she has written to several programs and I pray that she will find what she needs to move out of the darkness of addiction.

I hope something similar may be an option for your son. I am so sorry for the pain you have been experiencing. Hugs and prayers

helpus

No advice just hugs & prayers.

rozied

Dear WW, I maybe coming in late here but I read your post & don't understand why anyone would 1) go to jail 2)spend 3-5 yrs, all for losing his job & failing a drug test. I maybe missing something but I reread your post & this is what I understood you to be saying? If the 3-5 is for the charge he got with his brother is he back in jail for parole violation?
Love,
Diane

Wascally Wabbit

Rozied, yes he was on prob for the crimes he commited with his brother. HE was out on parole.

Whathappened, I have my youngest's wife and child with me too.

Bookmiser, when my youngest son went in the first time, I was frantic. I did all you did too. Now, after him getting out and going back in for the same crime 3 times, I figured he must like it there.
The oldest is where my heart cries out. He needs help and he wants it. Maybe they all do when they're facing a long term in jail.

mooselips

Wabbit,
As of this moment, right now, I believe prison has saved both of my sons lives.
They were both released in March, and both are working, and living the recovery road, today.

Plus, as an added bonus, oldest son makes money doing tats, which he apprenticed in, in prison...(gee, I'm so proud, can you tell?)

So prison really isn't that bad.
I think they need to suffer the consequences of their actions.

Hugs,