CE Girl

Having a rough day today, and this has been my mantra,,,The Ten Minute Rule

A few years ago, I wanted to lose weight. Just a tad, about 90 pounds,,lol

Anyway, I went to the tried and true Weight Watchers

Do you ever notice, at least for me, what makes this method of losing weight work, is the "fellowship" that is formed by the weekly meeting? Hmmmmmmm,,interesting, don't ya think?

Anyway, I digress

Much like al anon, there are moments when something "sticks"

At a meeting, the speaker talked about "cravings". Ya know that chocolate brownie sunday that was 5 days worth of calories/point? Or that mound of FF's your toddfler was eating, ect, ect, ect, She suggested you implement the ten minute rule. It's simple, when you get the "craving" , do something to distract yourself for ten minutes and see of you still have it. Drink a glass of water, go for a walk, clean the toilet, whatever, just wait the full ten minutes. If you STILL want it after that, then "treat" yourself to a "taste". Worked so welll for me, I rarely went for the taste, and was succesful losing the weight. By the way, I've KEPT it off for 12 years

I've modified the ten minute rule today because I'm having a very hard time sticking to my boundry. I made one modification however, the little "taste" is not allowed.

I'm resisting the temptation to contact him. My A is launching an all out "assualt", saying ALL the manipulating "lines" he has in his reportroir (spelling?) He misses me, loves me, is sorry for the way he treated me, has a lot of remorse, thinks the no contact happened for a reason or he wouldn't have stoppped, has a lot going on in his life and needs my "inut, yadda, yadda, email after email, phone call after phone call. I can't shut either of, they are my business address/number and I am WORKING. The part about having a lot going on is swirling in my brain like poison. All I can think is, You got to be kidding me, I went through all this BS and now his life is getting better and he's gonna move on WITHOUT me!!! Ok, ok , before you say it, I KNOW, I KNOW, I'm moving on without him and that's what should be what counts. BUT, I can't help but feel, I went through the pain, I deserve the "reward"

Ok, cut me some slack, 6 weeks not seeing him, 9 days with completely NO CONTACT

I'm in my infancy of recovery.

I'm invoking the ten minute rule. This post took the current ten. And I am strong again.


Thanks for letting me rant
Peace

chero

You are doing soooo good! I love the 10 minute rule! I'm using it as I type!



Keep it up!!!

Astro

Awesome rant, CEG!

I've heard that the craving for a drink passes within five minutes, I've noticed it works with tobacco too, but anybody should be able to hang in there for ten minutes, right? OK, OK, big talk for a guy who couldn't control the urge to drink for 27 years. We're all a work in progress.

mallowcup

As aweful as it was, when I had to build a life without my ex, I saw him at my sons wedding last year for the first time in about 15 years. When we split up, I remeber vomiting, moaning, crying until my eyes were swollen shut, I wanted to die, I thought I was dying. It didn't start with him and so I was purging the toxins of a lifetime. It was as if every single thing that I had stuffed (which I thought I was just dealing with) seemed to race to my mind, one thing after the next. I couldn't stop it. I was sure it wouldn't get better and I was sure I would be insane when I was done crying.
When I learned my ex was coming to the wedding, I was scared, sick to my stomach, worried, I wanted to be invisible. I could not share this with anyone but my husband. I wanted the kids to be happy on their wedding day.
Well, I was stunned that I felt nothing but pity for him. His life had not moved forward in his wardrobe, his haircut, his attitude, and I wasn't afraid of him. I was a bit embarrassed for him. I could only imagine the life I would have today if I had not resisted calling him back then, if I had not cried the tears and walked away. It never hurts to imagine life 20 years from now. I had never done that. I'm not sure I could have imagined what I saw or how I felt. Don't call. Calling him takes you back not forward. He can always sober up and meet you on your terms, their phone calls never lead to life on your terms.

CE Girl

As much as we are different, we are all the same

I've been struck today, at the similarities of the "disease"

My A's is alcoholism, mine is dependancy, but we are going through the VERY same thing all the same.

Funny, I'm understanding how freakin HARD it has been for him!! Ughhhhhhhh,,the ole sympathy codie behaviour rears its UGLY head!!! I want to tell him so bad, share the "insight" I have these days. It's the partnership we had, but lost somewhere along the way. As we both get healthy, I can'thelp but think we can recapture it,,

If I could only just TRUST him

Oh ya, why did I make my boundry so long?!?!? I vowed at least 6 months. It's almost like, "ok, he's on that wagon again, I can jump on now". what happened to the 6 months? I can change the rules can't i? Since I was the one who made them.

Ten minutes, I'll be better.

The phones making me want to tear my hair out. Just hearing his voice is tweakin the crap out of me,,,

In all of this, I am PISSED. How DARE he upset my delicate "balance". And for some reason, I FEEL he knows it today.

Oh brother, NEVER again will I put myself in this position. It's just too damn HARD!!

I swear I'm losing it,,,

Geez, I'm a case huh?

elizabeth1979

Right on CE Girl,
I do something similar.
When I am not sure if I made the right decision, I stick with it for a week. It keeps the crazies out of my head!

I can relate to the food thing..I lost about 40 pounds last year and it was tough!!
Keep on keepin on!

denny57

He really hasn't. I know it's difficult, but the balance of my day depends as much on my behavior, if not more, than anything else.

stone

I know when I stop drinking I loose my excess weight and girls start looking at me again. God it feles good. Feeling like I might be attractive. I get into an alckie 'funk' but jeez I am ok looking and quite a nice person.

Tazman53

I like the 10 minute deal, as Astro said the craving for alcohol usually passes in 5 minutes.

CE you need to maintain your boundary you set with him or he will view it as a win for him!

You said 6 months, if you make it one day less you lose and he wins!

If he is really in recovery and really wants you back he will still be in recovery at the end of 6 months and if he really loves you he will still love you!

Keep in mind that use alcoholics are cunning, baffling and powerful!

You give us an inch and we will take a mile!

CE Girl

Ok, so now I'm REALLY pissed,,,

Got to get off the boards before I embarass myself,,,Cause frankly, I want to lash out,

Been through the grief process enough in my life to know this is the "anger level". Being native american, I can have quite a temper,,lol.

Ya, and I'm not behaving too well today!!!! In fact, on the verge of out of control.

Ok, ok ok, ENOUGH spirits (they be my HP), I GET THE MESSAGE!! It's not easy for EITHER of us, I do see his pain, and I know, right now I have to focus on MINE. So, show me the reason for what's happening today? Ok, I know that too. All in due time

Funny you should say that Stone. I have a friend, male, who knows the situation, asked me out today. You know what? For the first time in MONTHS, I felt attractive. Course, that was BEFORE my eyes got all puffy from the tears, and my nose didn't have crap coming out of it from oriffes I didn't know I had?!?!?Then I RAN like hell. Can't even think about that right now, in fact, the LAST thingI want is to EVER get involved again. I'm thinking thats step 13,,,lol. Actually it made me feel like a fresh catch in the fish market.

Oh brother,,,,,

parentrecovers

i sure understand "oh brother". thanks for reminding me of the 10 minute rule! k

CE Girl

Gotta LOVE that ten minute rule,,,

The onslaught has waned, he is in a conference, so can't contact me. I realized, I was waiting to exhale

Phewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

But I got that familiar "twisting" again and know as soon as he's out of the confines of that room, it will begin again. I just KNOW he ain't done for the day. I'll have 2 more hours here at work when he's done

Couple of things. The break is giving me time to "regroup" and "plan" my next move. What I will do to stay as far away from his dysfunction as I can. It's time to enlist the aide of my coworker's. Specifically, my ass't. I just told her, I will be forwwarding my phone to her for the rest of the afternoon. I am "unavailable" until tomorrow. Please take a message.

Email is a tad more difficult. But I'll check periodically and have turned OFF the auto preview. If I see ONE WORD that indicates its from him, DELETE!!

Tonight is my FAVORITE meeting. Think I'll get there early and make the coffee

If all else fails, I will call upon the TEN MINUTE rule.

Thank you spirits for showing me some mercy,,

Peace

chero

Don't you just wonder what they are thinking?? Like harassing you is going to win you back or something? I don't get it??

BUT, anyway! You are doing good, gal!! KEEP IT UP!!! Hold on tight to what you know for sure!!!

Astro

Now that's what I like to hear! A meeting always works for me.

care4uNJ

I love the 10 minute rule. It definitely works for me!! Jo

denny

I am proud of you CEG!!!!
Keep up the good work.....don't forget we are on the same schedule! (day 10 here)
It doesn't feel like it now, but I know it will get easier for both of us!
Don't cave!!! you would kick yourself in your own butt!!!

caileesnana

never heard of it, but I like the idea! thanks

LaTeeDa

Maybe they are just doing what they've always done. Maybe it worked before......

L