HelpMErealize

I'll preface this by saying that in the past I was a recreational drug user. I used as a social mechanism, only when friends were over, and only to "liven' up the fun". About 8 months ago, my live in boyfriend of 5 years on Friday, admitted to me that he had a problem. From that point on, I havent touched any drugs (I have had drinks with girlfriends, but drinking wasnt ever a real problem for me either). I was lucky, I didnt suffer from the addiction and I didn't have any problems saying that I didnt want to use anymore. My boyfriend on the other hand was not that lucky. About 4 months ago, I found methadone in our house and it took me totally off guard. I had only thought that his problem was with cocaine. When I found it, we got into a huge fight and I considered leaving him, but I didn't want to do that without at least trying to help him. So, I stuck around. Things started getting really bad. Bills are past due, and people were threatening to turn off our electric. I couldn't understand how he could possibly be spending so much money on drugs. Him and I had discussed rehab numerous times but he was worried abotu the financial problems that woudl result. This past Friday, his parents came over (we're young- 26, 21) and they told him that if he wanted to get better they would take care of all of the bills while he went to a residential rehab, He was very happy about this. This is when I found out that he was also using heroin for the last 3 years. I feel so blind that I never knew about any of this, so unhappy with myself, and angry with him. I am soo happy though because he has now been in rehab for 3 days(which I know is not even scratching the surface) and he seems to really be adapting well. I went to family support group with him last night and I can already see a change. He's already smiling and laughing again. He was affectionate and kept assuring me that he was dedicated and just wanted to be prepared adaquetely to begin a normal healthy life with me. What I don't understand is if I am so happy and proud of him, why am I also so sad? I know that alot of it is fear but I dont think that its everything.

I've been reading through all of your posts today and I decided that I should join because you all seem so friendly and helpful. I just felt totally alone for the last 3 days, well actually, for the last 8 months, and I could really use some guidance from some veterans. I'm sorry about how long this is, but I'm so scared, lonely, and confused and I feel like I have nobody to turn to.

caileesnana

I'm fairly new also, but beware. It takes longer than 3 days! They are the most manipulative people on the face of the earth. They will say what you want to hear and act how you want them to act.

Keep reading and posting. the people here will help you

Jewelz

helpme, welcome to SR I am so happy you found our corner of our world. there are many great people here so sit back and relax your finally at a place where people understand you.

My boyfriend is the addict in my life, and we also have a year old baby. I know you know this its not easy being in a relationship with an addict or even a recovering Addict. Your boyfriend is working on himself no its time to work on you.

hugs,
jewel

laketime

Welcome, Youll Get Great Solace Here

teke

hi helpmerealize, welcome to sr, glad you found us, hate the situation, you are right every one here is so friendly and helpful, you're not alone anymore, we are all here for you. like they say, your boyfriend is there trying to work on him and now maybe its time for you to do the same. addiction affects all who love the addict. keep reading and posting, maybe find alanon or naranon meetings in you areas. i'm keeping you and your bf in my prayers

rozied

Hi Helpme, Welcome to our forum. The addict in my life is my 40 yr old son. Here you will find great people that really understand.
Keep coming back & keep posting. Dealing with this is something I doubt ANYONE can do alone.
Love,
Diane

HelpMErealize

I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of your replies. I really do appreciate it. It's just so hard not knowing what he's feeling right now and not being able to help him(which i know isn't my job). I am trying to focus on me right now. I picked up a few summer classes and I'm working extra hours. I also started cleaning our house out completely and I bought paint to have fresh walla for a fresh beginning. I just don't know why I'll be perfectly fine one minute and the next minute be depressed. I just love knowing that there are people out there that understand what I'm feeling and what I'm going through. I did try to look for nar-anon meetings in my area, but there is only one place that has them around here and I'm in class at that time. You'd think that there would be more in such a large city.... but, remarkably, theres not. Anyways, thank you guys and I'm sure you'll be hearing all about this trying process. <3 ashley

INLOVEWITHCH

Hey Ashley,
Along with everyone else I Welcome you to this site. Unfortunate circumstance brings you here, but nonetheless, welcome. I know exacly what you are going through as I carry a full schedule with school and work full time and in the middle of this last semester I was faced with my BF's relapse. I can honesly tell you that going to school actually helped me. It gave me strength, something to do to keep my mind busy, and self-confidence. Not only that, I found a really cool "sponsor" someone to talk to when things just get too much for me. If you cannot find a meeting, etc. purhaps you can find a sponsor of some type that will sometimes just listen.. it helps.
Best of luck to you,

hope213

just want to welcome you to S.R. my addict is my son.i hope your b.f. is really ready for the change.it takes alot of work & willing to do the work to get better.it is his recovery & there is nothing u can do for him.start your recovery.it is a very hard,bumpy, long road.read all the stickys.keep reading all the post from other g.f.'s & the wifes.my prayers for u both,hope

Louise54

Welcome to SR. I don't know what I'd do without it, as no one knows about my as's addiction except my husband and 2 daughers. I can't bring myself to tell anyone, and this has been going on for over 2 years. I know what you mean about feeling sad sometimes. I feel the same way. My as is currently rehabing for the second time, and I'm scared and hopeful at the same time.

There is alot of good advice here and alot of sympathetic "ears". Don't forget to read the stickies at the top of the page. Prayers and hugs to you.

tropikgal2

HI there and welcome to SR!! This place is full of great people and information. The important thing to realize is that you need to focus on you and what you are going to do and how you are going to live your life. If you completely focus on your ABF, you will lose touch with yourself.
Hugs and peace.

AshleyLee

Hey and welcome I'm new myself.. and young like you! My boyfriend is the addict in the relationship as well. Im 20 hes almost 21.. I just broke off things with him because he will not go to rehab. Hes had problems with drugs way before we met two years ago. I didnt know it until I started staying with him often. In the past few weeks he has started to sell cocaine, and I'm sure he is still selling pot.He has also tried methadone which scared me to death. He experiments with all types of drugs shrooms,colzepams(sp),oxycotin.. etc. In Janurary he cleaned up for a few weeks.. and I felt the same way as you did. I was so happy that he stopped drinking and abusing drugs...but I felt sad at the same time. Once he started using again I realized I felt sad because I was always so worried about him that I never really dealt with how horrible he made me feel. I had stopped talking to all of my friends pretty much because he was so jealous! Im happy for you that your boyfriend is getting help and I wish you two the best of luck. Maybe the same will happen for me soon!

parentrecovers

welcome to all the newcomers here! keep sharing! blessings, k

BigSis

And if you can't find Naranon, Alanon or CODA meetings also work.... the meetings are about US and how we react and respond to addiction and alcoholism. I hope you can find some face to face meetings - they really helped me.

Welcome to SR!!!

((hugs))

Barbdee

Welcome, yes this a healing place for sure. I was going to suggest Al-Anon meetings, too, if you have no Naranon meetings in your area, but Big Sis beat me to it. :-) It's basically the same thing, substance abuse by a family member. The 12 steps are the same for both groups.
I know quite well how you feel about discovering things that you were clueless about. RAS gave me a list of all the drugs he's used (after he got clean, that is) and I felt like how could I have NOT known. But they are very clever at deception and beating myself up for what I "should have known", doesn't do anyone any good.
I think that's the only thing you can't do here is beat yourself up :-) Ann will get out the steel toed bunny slippers! j/k
Keep posting, I'm sure you will finds lots of help here.
Hugs, Barb

OurBigSecret

Welcome to the boards!
Read the posts and post some yourself, you'll be glad you did!
This place has really helped me a lot and I'm sure you'll find that it will help you too.
It's great knowing it is here 24/7 thanks to the power of the internet. Where else could you find that?
Please be careful with your boyfriend, people don't change overnight and it won't be an easy road, just take it one day at a time and try not to let it make you crazy. Take care of yourself and try not to lose yourself in his addiction.
I wish you the best!
Good Luck!

BlvninGod

Hey Helpme! WELCOME. i am only about 3 weeks on this forum. BRILLIANT people here. No candy coating - but lots and lots of courage and lots and lots of love. keep coming back it works! I agree with earlier posts - get to nar-a-non meetings. I was attending the family side of AA before I even knew there was an NAnon meeting in town. Pick your 'ism' take our booze and put in drugs, the rest remains the same. i come her for courage and strength, to stand tall and set healthy boundaries and to try and stick to them! you are in my prayers. Your HP is good and loves you - so do we- remember that. /m