aztchr

Well, it happened.
I got to work today and my team started asking questions. Are you ok? You're awfully quiet lately. What's wrong, etc.

Nothing's wrong I'm just taking care of myself and not getting involved in all of the petty stuff around here. I'm not hanging out during my planning period or lunch and being negative about everything.

So now that I'm retreating and enjoying some alone time, they don't get it.
I'm taking care of myself and they're upset because I'm excluding myself, not involved with everything. I'm being bothered so many times throughout the day to check on me.

I just snapped and told them to leave me alone. Can't I have a few minutes without needing to do something for everyone. That's why the door is locked.

I feel like my boundaries are being challenged constantly!! I've really had it!
Need support!!

denny57

There are quite a few people in my life who are not adjusting very well to me changing LOL!

Not my problem.

Hang in there, aztchr. When I find myself snapping, I stop and journal out what's going on, a mini 4th step. A pattern I saw emerge for me was when I was feeling unsure about my choices, I got annoyed at other people - that was much easier LOL!

You might try writing out when it happens and see if you come up with a common theme.

((()))

appleblaster

It is soooooo frustrating isn't it? Just about every day I find myself struggling to find the words to explain codependency. I'm often left with blank stares or sympathetic glances as if to say "oh dear, there's nothing wrong with you." All the while I know something is terribly wrong and when i'm so proud of the baby steps I take others do not understand their significance.

But.....

I know i'm getting better because it doesn't get to me nearly as much as it used to. I can laugh it off a lot easier now. It is more difficult not to label some ppl in my family as selfish for being upset with the changes i'm making. The awareness seems like a curse sometimes.

minnie

I've found that the majority of people love drama. And they feel uncomfortable with those of us who choose not to partake because we hold up a mirror to them. A simple "I'll ask if I need anything" might help. Even if you have to repeat it ad nauseum.

Look after yourself and don't let the buggers get you down.

mallowcup

It sounds like they are just concerned at your changed behavior, No they don't get it. That's not their fault. If I cared for you and saw you becoming stand offish, I'd be concerned that something was wrong. Perhaps your frustration landed on the wrong crowd. I could be wrong but it sounds like they are just concerned.

Cynay

Most people take notice when we change the dance.... and they will want to know what has happened.

You dont have to explain anything to them sweetie.... this is not about them its about you.... and it will be more effective when done quietly with grace. Dont let it get to you just keep on taking care of you.

Sunflower

yes they are probably just concerned for you--because it is a change.....stay strong

aztchr

Thanks everyone! After I calmed down today and reflected a little more, I approached the team and explained a few things. For the most part, they understood. They really do care about me and there were some misunderstandings to straighten out.

I learned I should have expressed my need to be alone a little more and it wasn't anything against them. My usual reaction is to isolate and just deal with things because that's pretty much what I did when with my ex. That's my normal I guess. For others, they want to get together and talk through it all. I process better through writing or thinking things through.

It's been a stressful time right now as we end the school year and I'm dealing with family stuff, too. I'm the pillar ready to come crashing down. I'm not with my exabf, but other issues are still there.

It's difficult for me to take more care of myself and when I do, I'm not sure how to react to others' reactions. That's where the frustration sets in. I don't know how to respond honestly sometimes without upsetting others. I want to break everyone's stereotype of me being the "go to" person always. I'm worn out.
Some days I want to reinvent myself and as I try, more roadblocks seem to appear.

aztchr

There are many uncertainties right now and I don't feel like I have a handle on much lately. The only thing I can control is my own time. I get frustrated when I don't have all of it. Maybe I'm taking things to extreme now that I'm more empowered with choice. It's been a long day. Time to put this to rest and start again tomorrow.