never ending saga
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: utah
Posts: 42
never ending saga
Hello,
Well, my A husband is at it again. He came to visit the kids and I two weekends ago (at my parents house) and my mom found an empty vodka bottle hidden in the house. Can you believe it?? So, that's it for my folks. They have been patient and tried to have hope for him but all is gone now. They are so mad and have no respect left for him. I called my lawyer today and am serving separation papers on Monday. I'm so scared that this will put him over the edge. He calls me and cries and tells me how much he loves me and is sorry he has this disease, blah, blah, blah. I don't feel anything anymore. Kinda like someone else said, it's more of a caring, mom-son relationship than husband/wife. I don't even feel sad. I think my heart was broken a long time ago. I just keep holding on to that hope for some reason. How do you let go when you're so afraid he'll kill himself? I just keep praying and telling myself that I can't control him. He seems to have accepted that he's an alcoholic but it's almost like he thinks it means he has a bad character or something. I don't know. Maybe it's still denial?
to all those moms-happy mothers day.
PN
Well, my A husband is at it again. He came to visit the kids and I two weekends ago (at my parents house) and my mom found an empty vodka bottle hidden in the house. Can you believe it?? So, that's it for my folks. They have been patient and tried to have hope for him but all is gone now. They are so mad and have no respect left for him. I called my lawyer today and am serving separation papers on Monday. I'm so scared that this will put him over the edge. He calls me and cries and tells me how much he loves me and is sorry he has this disease, blah, blah, blah. I don't feel anything anymore. Kinda like someone else said, it's more of a caring, mom-son relationship than husband/wife. I don't even feel sad. I think my heart was broken a long time ago. I just keep holding on to that hope for some reason. How do you let go when you're so afraid he'll kill himself? I just keep praying and telling myself that I can't control him. He seems to have accepted that he's an alcoholic but it's almost like he thinks it means he has a bad character or something. I don't know. Maybe it's still denial?
to all those moms-happy mothers day.
PN
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: where I need to be
Posts: 157
Paige,
My heart goes out to you....it sounds like we're going through very similar situations. I think I even posted once that my relationship with my A husband is more like a mom/brother or mom/son. And sometimes I think of him as a mean step-brother!
We've been separated for three months and it is the toughest time I've ever experienced. I had just wrote in another post of my experience of driving him to a hospital, fearing he would kill himself just six weeks ago. I was terrified.....I had never seen him like that before and he even behaved that way in front of our three children! When we arrived, he told the admitting nurse that he no longer wanted to live. We were there for four hours, mostly waiting. By the time the social worker came in, I left the room, and she recommended that he go home and continue AA and see a counselor. I raised heck and the social worker did call a psychiatrist in to evaluate him. The psych recommended anti-depressants and an overnight stay in the hospital and A husband agreed. I was releived and went to his car to get his AA books for him to read while he was there. I came back to the room, and husband informed me that he had called his AA sponser, that he was not suicidal, and he was not staying at hospital. I was bummed out, simply because I wanted.....NEEDED......a peaceful night knowing he was in a hospital where he could not do anything to hurt himself or come to the house and cry, sob all over again.
Paige, I felt responsible for him feeling that pain. I'm seeing a wonderful counselor who told me recently that he needs to feel that pain in order to recover. He also told me that the "love" that he feels for me now is not a healthy love, but a desparation to "get me back" to end his pain. Even at rock bottom, he wants to control me, my feelings and my actions so HE will feel better.
It is VERY SCARY.....I NEVER thought I would ever get a divorce. I can't say that now because it is a real possibility for me in the future. I do feel that I am getting stronger each day....taking care of myself. I've had aso many revelations this week about me, my behaviors, my distorted thinking. I'm kind of excited about the journey.
I know I've written bunches and I apologize for the long post. Please know, Paige, that you cannot take away his pain. He caused it.
I'm sending positive mental thoughts your way!
Take care of yourself,
S
My heart goes out to you....it sounds like we're going through very similar situations. I think I even posted once that my relationship with my A husband is more like a mom/brother or mom/son. And sometimes I think of him as a mean step-brother!
We've been separated for three months and it is the toughest time I've ever experienced. I had just wrote in another post of my experience of driving him to a hospital, fearing he would kill himself just six weeks ago. I was terrified.....I had never seen him like that before and he even behaved that way in front of our three children! When we arrived, he told the admitting nurse that he no longer wanted to live. We were there for four hours, mostly waiting. By the time the social worker came in, I left the room, and she recommended that he go home and continue AA and see a counselor. I raised heck and the social worker did call a psychiatrist in to evaluate him. The psych recommended anti-depressants and an overnight stay in the hospital and A husband agreed. I was releived and went to his car to get his AA books for him to read while he was there. I came back to the room, and husband informed me that he had called his AA sponser, that he was not suicidal, and he was not staying at hospital. I was bummed out, simply because I wanted.....NEEDED......a peaceful night knowing he was in a hospital where he could not do anything to hurt himself or come to the house and cry, sob all over again.
Paige, I felt responsible for him feeling that pain. I'm seeing a wonderful counselor who told me recently that he needs to feel that pain in order to recover. He also told me that the "love" that he feels for me now is not a healthy love, but a desparation to "get me back" to end his pain. Even at rock bottom, he wants to control me, my feelings and my actions so HE will feel better.
It is VERY SCARY.....I NEVER thought I would ever get a divorce. I can't say that now because it is a real possibility for me in the future. I do feel that I am getting stronger each day....taking care of myself. I've had aso many revelations this week about me, my behaviors, my distorted thinking. I'm kind of excited about the journey.
I know I've written bunches and I apologize for the long post. Please know, Paige, that you cannot take away his pain. He caused it.
I'm sending positive mental thoughts your way!
Take care of yourself,
S
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