He is bieng released
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 35
He is bieng released
Hi all-
AH is scheduled to get out of detox tonight at 7:00 pm. Was supposed to be Monday but apparently they changed his meds and had to keep him longer.
For those of you who have done this before, what can I expect now. We have not seen him since Friday night when they took him to the hospital by ambulance. I did go to the hospital to find out where they were sending him. But that has been it. He did quit for a few weeks about 8-9 months ago, but this has been his first trip to detox.
I am so scared right now. I just know I can't pick him up. His step dad is going to do that for us. (thank God). By the time he gets him home, the kids will be in bed so it will just be us.
Egg shells are scattered on every floor in my house (or it feels like it).
I will be treading cautiously this evening.
Thanks.
AH is scheduled to get out of detox tonight at 7:00 pm. Was supposed to be Monday but apparently they changed his meds and had to keep him longer.
For those of you who have done this before, what can I expect now. We have not seen him since Friday night when they took him to the hospital by ambulance. I did go to the hospital to find out where they were sending him. But that has been it. He did quit for a few weeks about 8-9 months ago, but this has been his first trip to detox.
I am so scared right now. I just know I can't pick him up. His step dad is going to do that for us. (thank God). By the time he gets him home, the kids will be in bed so it will just be us.
Egg shells are scattered on every floor in my house (or it feels like it).
I will be treading cautiously this evening.
Thanks.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I will be treading cautiously this evening.
Don't walk on egg shells, you have NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT. If he becomes aggressive, call 911. You have children in the house.
For all you know, by the time he gets to your house he may be drinking again. Keep the phone close.
Have you called the DV shelter yet? Verbal abuse can be worse emotionally than physical abuse. The shelter will have councilors there that can help you make your 'plan of action.'
Just remember all the hospital did was "Dry Him Out." It is up to him whether he is ready and seeks further help.
Keep posting here, keep the phone close, and keep the number for the shelter handy also.
Let us know how you are doing we do care.
Love and hugs,
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Hanginon Please keep just doing that Hanginon and protecting yourself and your children!
Do not feel guilty about anything! Try to just keep your head held high and chin up! Keep reminding yourself that "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it." just keep your cell phone in your pocket and you will be fine!
((((Hugs))))
Do not feel guilty about anything! Try to just keep your head held high and chin up! Keep reminding yourself that "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it." just keep your cell phone in your pocket and you will be fine!
((((Hugs))))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 35
I really have no idea what his plan is at this point. Hopefully he will start attending AA. He did choose to quit this time which is good. He has called everyday, really with nothing to say. So I just kept it short. Told him to keep at it and that the kids miss him. There is al-anon about an hour from where we live, but not too convenient to get to with 4 kids at home. I will try to find an online meeting. I think I will suggest- no require we attend some type of counseling together.
Thanks for the encouragement. He has never been abusive or violent before, but I have tried to quit smoking many times and have been very moody edgy etc. I figure this will be the mind frame he comes home in. With his step dad picking him up- he has no way to be drinking before he gets to the house.
They have had him hopped up on valium for the last few days though.
Thanks for the encouragement. He has never been abusive or violent before, but I have tried to quit smoking many times and have been very moody edgy etc. I figure this will be the mind frame he comes home in. With his step dad picking him up- he has no way to be drinking before he gets to the house.
They have had him hopped up on valium for the last few days though.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 35
OK I just talked to the counselor at detox ctr and they said yes he is getting out tonight. So AH's step dad will go get him as planned. Counselor told me he should get into an inpatient rehab and start going to AA mtgs asap. The funny part is that when AH called 2 minutes after I got off the phone with the counselor, I told him their recommendations. He said HMMMMM... they haven't said anything like that to me??? Like DUH! Oh tonight should be fun. I don't think I am scared about him coming home anymore, now I am mad because he is going to play stupid.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
I remeber so well the first time my A got out of rehab. Course, I was in FULL enabler mode and wanted it to be a nice homecoming
Made him dinner, took him to the pharmacy to get his med, and kept asking "how he was doing"?
I'm sorry, almost LAUGHABLE now
The second time, yup, there was a second
2 months after the first.
The MOMENT I left him alone after the first and returned to MY life, he started drinking again
The second time, I was no where to be found. Though I did talk to him on the phone, when he got out, I stayed away. Wanted to see if he could do it on his own.
He did, for almost 10 days. I came back, two night later got home from work to him passed out on the couch.
He never went for the third time. I left him for good not long after the second "relapse"
Can we see a cycle here?
Hangin, look inside yourself. What do YOU need for his release. Ifit sstill nocontact, then make other arrangements. Can he stay with his step dad/family? I agree with parent recovers, you don't sound ready.
Peace
Made him dinner, took him to the pharmacy to get his med, and kept asking "how he was doing"?
I'm sorry, almost LAUGHABLE now
The second time, yup, there was a second
2 months after the first.
The MOMENT I left him alone after the first and returned to MY life, he started drinking again
The second time, I was no where to be found. Though I did talk to him on the phone, when he got out, I stayed away. Wanted to see if he could do it on his own.
He did, for almost 10 days. I came back, two night later got home from work to him passed out on the couch.
He never went for the third time. I left him for good not long after the second "relapse"
Can we see a cycle here?
Hangin, look inside yourself. What do YOU need for his release. Ifit sstill nocontact, then make other arrangements. Can he stay with his step dad/family? I agree with parent recovers, you don't sound ready.
Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 35
It is not a good environment for him to go to his Mom and Step Dad's place. MIL is also a raging A, though she functions very well, just has no control. Been to detox a few times herself. I think we will be ok. It is kind of hard to avoid him since we own a business together. I may not stay home for the whole night, but will probably be ther for part of it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
You call the counselor back asap--they are supposed to help find him an inpatient facility!!! I have been through this many times. The last time my son went right from the detox to the inpatient facility by taxi.(they paid) You need to get on them about it-politely.
Maybe his step dad picking him up is good as he may be able to buffer some of the As anxiety before he comes home.
Also--How come they didnt have a meeting with you present to discuss his being discharged--kind of leaves you holding the bag---you are in my prayers--please keep us updated....
Maybe his step dad picking him up is good as he may be able to buffer some of the As anxiety before he comes home.
Also--How come they didnt have a meeting with you present to discuss his being discharged--kind of leaves you holding the bag---you are in my prayers--please keep us updated....
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
How come they didnt have a meeting with you present to discuss his being discharged
kind of leaves you holding the bag
Let us know how it goes
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 35
They really will not tell me very much because he is an adult. I had to keep asking at the ER about his condition because they weren't telling me anything. His seizure this time had me pretty worried.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Ive been there, I know how it feels!
Honestly, the very best thing for me, was to step aside. My worry about what choice a grown man would make was consuming me.
It simply wasnt my concern. Sure I loved him, of course. I wanted him well, but my wanting it wasnt going to make it happen and in fact,my manipulating the situation got in the way of my own health.
Seizures are tough to watch, I have watched them. Thank God he was in the hospital.
Something that I told myself alot.... I told myself alot that I didnt have to commit to anything for longer than it was comfortable and just because I had done something once, didnt mean I was obligated to do it again.
((hugs))
Honestly, the very best thing for me, was to step aside. My worry about what choice a grown man would make was consuming me.
It simply wasnt my concern. Sure I loved him, of course. I wanted him well, but my wanting it wasnt going to make it happen and in fact,my manipulating the situation got in the way of my own health.
Seizures are tough to watch, I have watched them. Thank God he was in the hospital.
Something that I told myself alot.... I told myself alot that I didnt have to commit to anything for longer than it was comfortable and just because I had done something once, didnt mean I was obligated to do it again.
((hugs))
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I dealt with a similar situation last summer when AH was in his third rehab. The counselors could only tell me so much, due to patient confidentiality issues. However, if they are suggesting a 28-day inpatient facility for him, I would think they would let you know the place(s) they are suggesting so you could call your health insurance provider to get coverage info.
Yeah, I know you are nervous and feeling on-edge; however, call Al-Anon. Someone is always manning the phones in most areas and someone will be able to discuss options with you. I agree w/Laurie. Local DV hotlines and shelters can be a great resource. You can always to to Al-Anons website and order their literature.
Please take care of you ... this sounds like a potentially volatile situation.
Yeah, I know you are nervous and feeling on-edge; however, call Al-Anon. Someone is always manning the phones in most areas and someone will be able to discuss options with you. I agree w/Laurie. Local DV hotlines and shelters can be a great resource. You can always to to Al-Anons website and order their literature.
Please take care of you ... this sounds like a potentially volatile situation.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Auckland, new Zealand
Posts: 93
I have done detox... gosh inpatient about 5-6 times, home detox (with nurses visiting and valium prescribed) about 5 times too. I attended a rehab for about 4 weeks as well. FINALLY i got the support I needed. Social worker, therapist, medication and the support of all my family (in fact I am behaving myself cause my parents are really making an effort and I dont want to let them down)
I was always MORE vulnerable to the stressors of life when I got out. Drinking was how I coped!.
has he had a psych assesment at all? Have you heard of ANTABUSE or the other name is Disulfiram it reacts with alcohol and makes you really sick if you drink on it. (a good preventative measure)
the fact that he is having seziures is very very scarey. Luckily I never got that bad, but that is a HUGE warning sign that he has to stop drinking!
Dont let him be alone at all. Get other friends (non drinkers) around if you have to go out. Tell them how you feel.
Definately find a rehab centre. Not sure what you have in your country. Is there Odyessy house? Or at least an inpatient where he is under constant supervision and has to attend therapy groups. Your not alone in this there are alot of services out there.
If he intends on still drinking then there is nothing that you can do but give him unconditional love with a firm hand. Tell him your fears. dont bottle them up. If you are really truely scared get someone to be with you when he comes home. Maybe letting him know that you have support of friends/family might give him some shame and remorse of his behaviour.
good luck and keep us posted!
misslisa
I was always MORE vulnerable to the stressors of life when I got out. Drinking was how I coped!.
has he had a psych assesment at all? Have you heard of ANTABUSE or the other name is Disulfiram it reacts with alcohol and makes you really sick if you drink on it. (a good preventative measure)
the fact that he is having seziures is very very scarey. Luckily I never got that bad, but that is a HUGE warning sign that he has to stop drinking!
Dont let him be alone at all. Get other friends (non drinkers) around if you have to go out. Tell them how you feel.
Definately find a rehab centre. Not sure what you have in your country. Is there Odyessy house? Or at least an inpatient where he is under constant supervision and has to attend therapy groups. Your not alone in this there are alot of services out there.
If he intends on still drinking then there is nothing that you can do but give him unconditional love with a firm hand. Tell him your fears. dont bottle them up. If you are really truely scared get someone to be with you when he comes home. Maybe letting him know that you have support of friends/family might give him some shame and remorse of his behaviour.
good luck and keep us posted!
misslisa
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
((((elizabeth)))))) no matter what age you are they usually have a 'family meeting' to talk about discharge or further trearment....thats all I was trying to tell her. My OWN experience after several of these situations has been that they usually want to talk to whoever is living with the A after discharge-sometimes it is decided then that they can't go home with who ever they were previously living with even if you are not married.
I was always told of my adult sons progress from the ER right to the detox unit.Certain things they couldn't tell me obviously-they were private.Maybe her A signed a paper that no one is allowed any info on him-that could be it. After all they did call her when he was being discharged.
Personally I am glad I never encountered this problem--AS was always dicharged with Doctors orders--follow up treatment etc.....Maybe my state is more involed--I don't know.
As far as holding the bag--maybe I was misunderstood--I meant she is anxious now about his coming home--if they would have had a meeting prior to this--maybe other plans could have been made that would make everyone involved comfortable.
((hanginon)) I am sorry they didn't handle this better for you.Now you have to choose what ever is right for you--but without the benefit of a 3rd party professional.
Please keep us updated.......I am sure you will make the right choice....God Bless You....
I was always told of my adult sons progress from the ER right to the detox unit.Certain things they couldn't tell me obviously-they were private.Maybe her A signed a paper that no one is allowed any info on him-that could be it. After all they did call her when he was being discharged.
Personally I am glad I never encountered this problem--AS was always dicharged with Doctors orders--follow up treatment etc.....Maybe my state is more involed--I don't know.
As far as holding the bag--maybe I was misunderstood--I meant she is anxious now about his coming home--if they would have had a meeting prior to this--maybe other plans could have been made that would make everyone involved comfortable.
((hanginon)) I am sorry they didn't handle this better for you.Now you have to choose what ever is right for you--but without the benefit of a 3rd party professional.
Please keep us updated.......I am sure you will make the right choice....God Bless You....
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Misslisa,
Its not a spouses or family members job to surround an alcoholic, be a human barricade between them and the liquor store.
Its not my job to babysit a grown up so they cant do what they want.
Its not rational for me to control anothers choices based on "me knowing whats good for them".
If he wont stay sober bc he wants to and doesnt want to die, he wont stay sober bc I treat him like a child.
Misslisa, I hope there is more to your sobriety than this..I really do.
I seriously disagree..
Its not a spouses or family members job to surround an alcoholic, be a human barricade between them and the liquor store.
Its not my job to babysit a grown up so they cant do what they want.
Its not rational for me to control anothers choices based on "me knowing whats good for them".
If he wont stay sober bc he wants to and doesnt want to die, he wont stay sober bc I treat him like a child.
Misslisa, I hope there is more to your sobriety than this..I really do.
in fact I am behaving myself cause my parents are really making an effort and I dont want to let them down)
If he intends on still drinking then there is nothing that you can do but give him unconditional love with a firm hand
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