Need Advice - Court date
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Need Advice - Court date
RAS has a court date on Thursday for a ticket he received last November when he was still using. The ticket was for driving with a suspended license due to non-payment of his monthly surcharges.
He's been clean since January and I paid off the whole surcharge bill in Jan after which they restored his license. He now has a job that requires driving and if he loses his license again, he will be totally screwed.
He's going without a lawyer and I'm considering going with him, since I had been paying the surcharges and never really told him that I stopped paying it. Don't know if that excuse will fly. Although, they should have a record that the payment bills were returned to them unopened.
He says if they try to take his license, he can postpone the hearing to get a lawyer, but I'm doubtful he can really do that. He's bringing character reference letters from his sponsor and guys at his Oxford House.
Is there anything else we should do? Appreciate any advice.
Barb
He's been clean since January and I paid off the whole surcharge bill in Jan after which they restored his license. He now has a job that requires driving and if he loses his license again, he will be totally screwed.
He's going without a lawyer and I'm considering going with him, since I had been paying the surcharges and never really told him that I stopped paying it. Don't know if that excuse will fly. Although, they should have a record that the payment bills were returned to them unopened.
He says if they try to take his license, he can postpone the hearing to get a lawyer, but I'm doubtful he can really do that. He's bringing character reference letters from his sponsor and guys at his Oxford House.
Is there anything else we should do? Appreciate any advice.
Barb
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Not much advice here.
Sounds like its up to the judge in this case.
There may be mandatory license revokation rules for this one.
But...he may be able to request a "bread and butter" license that allows him to drive reasonable distances to and from work.
I can say that I was worried sick about the same type of thing (pulled in son for violation of ARD probation for non payments of fines etc.) but it turned out that the judge was very reasonable and extended the time for him to take care of things.
I didn't go with him.
I finally let him handle something himself (big step for me)
Prayers all will be ok...and they will
((((hugs))))
Cece
Sounds like its up to the judge in this case.
There may be mandatory license revokation rules for this one.
But...he may be able to request a "bread and butter" license that allows him to drive reasonable distances to and from work.
I can say that I was worried sick about the same type of thing (pulled in son for violation of ARD probation for non payments of fines etc.) but it turned out that the judge was very reasonable and extended the time for him to take care of things.
I didn't go with him.
I finally let him handle something himself (big step for me)
Prayers all will be ok...and they will
((((hugs))))
Cece
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I feel as if I HAVE to go with him since I'm the one that stopped paying the surcharges. And I never told him, though he should have figured it out. Prob is we have Ms. Paris Hilton in the exact same situation, but she signed a paper saying she knew her license was suspended.
The guys at his Oxford House all say that it will be thrown out of court since his license has been restored for 5 months, but that sounds way too easy.
Not sure what a bread and butter license is, but RAS is a field service tech and drives a company van about 3-4 hrs. per day....that won't work as a simple commute thing.
I guess we have to just hope for an understanding judge and not a hardliner? I checked the laws in NJ and it seems it's completely up to the judge...not a mandatory license supsension.
In lieu of any advice, appreciate prayers...(nice judge, please :-)
Thx, Barb
The guys at his Oxford House all say that it will be thrown out of court since his license has been restored for 5 months, but that sounds way too easy.
Not sure what a bread and butter license is, but RAS is a field service tech and drives a company van about 3-4 hrs. per day....that won't work as a simple commute thing.
I guess we have to just hope for an understanding judge and not a hardliner? I checked the laws in NJ and it seems it's completely up to the judge...not a mandatory license supsension.
In lieu of any advice, appreciate prayers...(nice judge, please :-)
Thx, Barb
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Originally Posted by anvilhead 
just remember mom, yes you may have stopped paying surcharges, but who is responsible for them being there in the first place???? this IS his court appearance, for HIS past transgressions.....i may be a lone voice here, but i'd say especially since he has five months clean now, he doesn't need his mom going with him.....his sponsor maybe.
worst case scenario, his license is revoked....he can no longer keep the job that requires driving.......so he'd have to get another job. life doesn't grant us special favors cuz we get clean.....the BEST thing for our recovery is to face life on life's terms and simply deal with it......
in my less than humble opinion......
worst case scenario, his license is revoked....he can no longer keep the job that requires driving.......so he'd have to get another job. life doesn't grant us special favors cuz we get clean.....the BEST thing for our recovery is to face life on life's terms and simply deal with it......
in my less than humble opinion......
If his license gets revoked, he goes back to square one....gets kicked out of his Oxford House, and I'll be back to supporting him again.
We all know he was responsible last November, but so much has changed since then. And I do think that he should get some kudos for getting clean. Hopefully the judge will agree.
I know we all have to deal with it, whatever the outcome. That's why I'm asking for advice....to help the outcome, if possible. Guess I'm doing the controlling thing again...a true codie?
I'm trying to do the "secret" thing and just "know" that it will all work out fine, but since we got back from FL, we lost our biggest business account and our 40 yr. old shade maple tree died within 2 wks. Not sure our biz can survive w/o that account. Our grad party will be crappy with no shade. So I'm going to watch the Secret DVD again and try to get "positive". Oh and the grad's new job with Sony Imageworks (the Spiderman 3 people) is postponed until the fall....no new productions to bill his job to. REALLY need to watch the secret again...Janet, where are you? :-)
Thx, Barb
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
mom, i AM a recovering addict and IMHO the world don't owe me nothing for wising up and finally getting my sh*t together. recovery IS the reward. why should we get kudos for getting it right and not accept our due for getting it wrong?
you CAN support him, but that is your choice. how's he gonna learn if someone is always batting cleanup? let the outcome simply BE the outcome........HIS outcome. how old is he again?
you CAN support him, but that is your choice. how's he gonna learn if someone is always batting cleanup? let the outcome simply BE the outcome........HIS outcome. how old is he again?
He's now 30 yrs. old. He cleaned up himself all on his own, after almost dying from pneumonia. You have to realize I will take any out possible to NOT have to go to court. But I am the one that stopped paying the surcharges and need to take responsibility for that.
And he has been cleaning up his own messes since January. This is just a leftover mess that could potentially ruin him and his new life.
He has become way more wiser than us in the last few months. He's ready to accept anything the judge says....I'm the one who can't do that. I am hoping for a fair verdict.
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
by the way, has he ASKED you to go with him??????
But then I would like to hide from reality as much as possible, too. I am sooooo sick of dealing with all this crap you cannot imagine.
It's just one problem after another and I'm supposed to be done parental responsibilities now that youngest has graduated from college. HAHA!
"I got a nail in my tire on my new car how do I fix it?" "How do I file a tax return?" "Can you lend me some money?" "Why is my bank account messed up?" "Can you help me figure out my new work computer?" Just a sampling.
Sorry, venting again....
Barb
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Hi,
Man oh man do I know this scene all too well. But the difference between me and your son is that I am a repeat offender of driving while revoked. In my expierience, the judge will see that the fines were paid for the original suspension. He will probably give him time to catch up the fees from where you left off paying. He will see that your son has a job and is doing well. He may also advise that your son get an attorney or public defender to reduce the charge of driving while suspended. If he pleads guilty it may be too many points on his license. But most likely he will just have fines and court cost to pay, maybe a bench probation of two years where he cant get into trouble with traffic tickets, and it will be over. Just make sure he knows he has to keep his driving extremely clean for awhile. I have been going thru similar issues but facing felony charges as I have repeated my mistake of driving. So I will say a prayer for your son and hope for a good outcome. Try not to worry about it until it gets here. When is his court date? Let us know how it turns out.
Man oh man do I know this scene all too well. But the difference between me and your son is that I am a repeat offender of driving while revoked. In my expierience, the judge will see that the fines were paid for the original suspension. He will probably give him time to catch up the fees from where you left off paying. He will see that your son has a job and is doing well. He may also advise that your son get an attorney or public defender to reduce the charge of driving while suspended. If he pleads guilty it may be too many points on his license. But most likely he will just have fines and court cost to pay, maybe a bench probation of two years where he cant get into trouble with traffic tickets, and it will be over. Just make sure he knows he has to keep his driving extremely clean for awhile. I have been going thru similar issues but facing felony charges as I have repeated my mistake of driving. So I will say a prayer for your son and hope for a good outcome. Try not to worry about it until it gets here. When is his court date? Let us know how it turns out.
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Barb,
Hopefully the judge will let him set up a payment plan. In NJ you can get a working license. It is to be used only to drive to and from work and for work. Hopefully if they take his they will let him have this type.
Good luck,
Prayers coming to you and your son
Hopefully the judge will let him set up a payment plan. In NJ you can get a working license. It is to be used only to drive to and from work and for work. Hopefully if they take his they will let him have this type.
Good luck,
Prayers coming to you and your son
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Join Date: May 2007
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you are going to have to cut this 30 year old boy off sooner or later.no mater what happens with this job or licence . he need to figure out if he is going to be one of them kind of dudes or one of them other kind of dudes.
he is a big boy and it is a mans world out there.
he is a big boy and it is a mans world out there.
Last edited by BigSis; 05-16-2007 at 11:36 AM.
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perhaps have a talk with your son and ask him what he hopes will transpire. Then ask him how he thinks that might be accomplished. IF he does come up with a reasonable scenario I imagine he'd be pretty proud of himself figuring things out. Perhaps he could practice beforehand the points of reference he'd like to say to the judge such as..........
1. I now have a good job and am doing well there.
2. Iam in Oxford House and abiding by the rules.
3. I have not had any speeding tickets nor have I broken any other laws.
4. I have a paycheck and can make "x" number of dollars payment
per month to straighten up any outstanding bills.
These are just thoughts but this way he would have a feeling of controlling
his own destiny and having a vested interest in figuring out how to make things right.
I doubt a judge hears that much nowadays..........I'll be thinking of you..........dixie
1. I now have a good job and am doing well there.
2. Iam in Oxford House and abiding by the rules.
3. I have not had any speeding tickets nor have I broken any other laws.
4. I have a paycheck and can make "x" number of dollars payment
per month to straighten up any outstanding bills.
These are just thoughts but this way he would have a feeling of controlling
his own destiny and having a vested interest in figuring out how to make things right.
I doubt a judge hears that much nowadays..........I'll be thinking of you..........dixie
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The bread and butter license is one that allows the person limited driving priviledges such as, no driving after dark etc. so they can work.
Best we can do is pray for a judge with a heart.
Best we can do is pray for a judge with a heart.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Barb, with love in my heart I have to tell you that your son would be smart to take a lawyer with him.
You can guess what might happen and project what you think the judge may or may not do, but a lawyer will know your son's rights and protect them and he'll also know the best way to present your son's continued efforts at rebuilding his life.
Don't try to do this yourself, I'm afraid it will backfire.
Hugs
You can guess what might happen and project what you think the judge may or may not do, but a lawyer will know your son's rights and protect them and he'll also know the best way to present your son's continued efforts at rebuilding his life.
Don't try to do this yourself, I'm afraid it will backfire.
Hugs
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Hi Barb, I totally agree with Ann. If you are that worried about it & losing his license will so mess up his new life & recovery then tell him to get a lawyer. It would be worth the money to make sure his rights are protected. Losing his license means losing his income............right..........so it would be worth the money to get a lawyer, he can always make payments to a lawyer.
Wishing the very best outcome for your RAS,
Love & Prayers,
Diane
Wishing the very best outcome for your RAS,
Love & Prayers,
Diane
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It was his decision NOT to bring a lawyer. He says if there is a problem, he can ask for a postponement in order to hire a lawyer. He's used to using whatever public defender happens to be there, but since he has a job now, don't know if he can do that this time.
I agree with everyone wholeheartedly that he is old enough to take care of himself and he has been doing so quite well. But I also agree with Sunflower that the judge may like a parent being there, showing an interest.
I know nothing about criminal law whatsoever, so have to assume the Oxford House guys know much more than I do.
RAS is completely unconcerned about the whole thing. He takes EVERYTHING in stride now. I don't know if it was almost dying or if he finally just learned how to turn everything over to his HP...seems I have alot to learn from him.
Appreciate all your prayers very much!
Thx, Barb
I agree with everyone wholeheartedly that he is old enough to take care of himself and he has been doing so quite well. But I also agree with Sunflower that the judge may like a parent being there, showing an interest.
I know nothing about criminal law whatsoever, so have to assume the Oxford House guys know much more than I do.
RAS is completely unconcerned about the whole thing. He takes EVERYTHING in stride now. I don't know if it was almost dying or if he finally just learned how to turn everything over to his HP...seems I have alot to learn from him.
Appreciate all your prayers very much!
Thx, Barb
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