would like some information
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 66
would like some information
My Grandson has been abusing alcohol for years now. He is in his early 20s.
He does visit AA meetings on occasion. He has been in an Inpatient Detox Unit.
One time was for 3 weeks. The next for 3 months. He also took a 12 week Inpatient Detox program. He does well when he is in the programs but just can't seem to stick to it once he is out. He has never been in trouble with the Law. He attends college and gets good grades..I also go to Al anon meetings. I have a friend and her Husband is an Alcoholic.She goes so I go with her.
I am wondering what the next step should be for him and I fear for his future.
Are they any new treatments out there or any new information you can share with me?
He does visit AA meetings on occasion. He has been in an Inpatient Detox Unit.
One time was for 3 weeks. The next for 3 months. He also took a 12 week Inpatient Detox program. He does well when he is in the programs but just can't seem to stick to it once he is out. He has never been in trouble with the Law. He attends college and gets good grades..I also go to Al anon meetings. I have a friend and her Husband is an Alcoholic.She goes so I go with her.
I am wondering what the next step should be for him and I fear for his future.
Are they any new treatments out there or any new information you can share with me?
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Hi Rosalie, I don't have any advice to offer you but I just wanted to say WELCOME!
I know someone will be along with great advice!!
Keep talking and asking questions! This is a great place to be!!
I know someone will be along with great advice!!
Keep talking and asking questions! This is a great place to be!!
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Hello Rosalie
Welcome to SR
Our sons know what is what and will stay in denial till they reach a point that they find the drinking hurts more then the effort to stop.
All we can do is pray for them and leave them in God's hands.
Their own choices will be the only thing that helps them. We can't force a choice on them.
Welcome to SR
Our sons know what is what and will stay in denial till they reach a point that they find the drinking hurts more then the effort to stop.
All we can do is pray for them and leave them in God's hands.
Their own choices will be the only thing that helps them. We can't force a choice on them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 66
I would never pressure him into recovery. It has to be his choice. I have learned that in Al anon. Everytime he went into a program it was at his request.
It seems odd to me. On one hand he seems to want recovery.On the other he still ends up drinking. He might be a high functioning Alcoholic. I am worried about his future. Wondering what all of you are doing and how it is working.I might be able to put the information in his path and make him reconsider his habit.
It seems odd to me. On one hand he seems to want recovery.On the other he still ends up drinking. He might be a high functioning Alcoholic. I am worried about his future. Wondering what all of you are doing and how it is working.I might be able to put the information in his path and make him reconsider his habit.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Share once, share a second time... after that it can be seen as pushing.
My son has told me I am a great example... dad you did it, so can I.
I am still waiting for him to give it another try. When he is ready, he knows where he can gather support and info from. When he is ready is the key.
My son has told me I am a great example... dad you did it, so can I.
I am still waiting for him to give it another try. When he is ready, he knows where he can gather support and info from. When he is ready is the key.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 66
My question initially was what do the Alcoholics you know do to stay or become sober? Also the percentage rate of recovery. Because he does not like the experience of AA meetings are there other options? It is apparent he is open to treatment secondary to his past choices. I have been on the web and seen their are a few options.Why I came here was I assume this forum has much experience and knowledge,Please share it with me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
He's in his early 20's and doesn't do well outside a structured facility. Have you considered encouraging him to find a job in a treatment facility or maybe taking some classes toward being a councelor?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 66
Interesting. He is on his way to obtaining a degree in Social Sciences/Psychology with History as a Minor. One more year to complete.
He has not shared yet what his future work environment will be. There will be many for him to choose from. Thank you very much for your insight.
There are no serious difficulties with him living here. He is pleasant and we get along well. How he is making it in college I have no idea ,He has a high grade average. Seeing that he is young it has not affected his health yet.I know that it will do so in time.
I am really asking you all here if you know of any new types of treatment that are effective. I trust your judgement because you have the experience.
I go to the Al anon as I previously said and it does help me.
I don't want to ask them this question at my meetings as I know they whole heartedly feel AA is the only answer and I do not want to have a rift with my friends there. It is where I go.It is for me.I could not risk it.
He has not shared yet what his future work environment will be. There will be many for him to choose from. Thank you very much for your insight.
There are no serious difficulties with him living here. He is pleasant and we get along well. How he is making it in college I have no idea ,He has a high grade average. Seeing that he is young it has not affected his health yet.I know that it will do so in time.
I am really asking you all here if you know of any new types of treatment that are effective. I trust your judgement because you have the experience.
I go to the Al anon as I previously said and it does help me.
I don't want to ask them this question at my meetings as I know they whole heartedly feel AA is the only answer and I do not want to have a rift with my friends there. It is where I go.It is for me.I could not risk it.
Last edited by rosalie; 05-14-2007 at 07:32 PM. Reason: left out info
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 66
I was wondering,do you think I am in the wrong forum? Please inform me if I am. Forgive me for taking up your time if I am. I am ignorant about this type of computer sharing in a group.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I think grandsons and grandmas have a very special relationship. Grandsons receive what grandmas say to them because they know that no one loves them more unconditionally than a grandma.
That being said, you can have a conversation with him that no one else can get away with.
It doesn't have come in the form of a lecture or even a plan for his future, as his grandmother, you can tell him the qualities you see in him and how you see what a difference he could make in this world.
You could speak about his personal struggles and how maybe those stuggles along with his formal education are paving a career course for him.
As far as what works, I think he's found something that works when he is in it. The trick is to find a way to stay in it or near it.
That being said, you can have a conversation with him that no one else can get away with.
It doesn't have come in the form of a lecture or even a plan for his future, as his grandmother, you can tell him the qualities you see in him and how you see what a difference he could make in this world.
You could speak about his personal struggles and how maybe those stuggles along with his formal education are paving a career course for him.
As far as what works, I think he's found something that works when he is in it. The trick is to find a way to stay in it or near it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 66
Yes we do have a very special relationship. Being a Grandmother and a Retired Social Worker makes it easy for him and I to share.
When
my Daughter and him try to share about his drinking it ends in a heated argument. It is so difficult for her as a Mother to see anything objectively beyond her Heart. She is a wonderful Mother.Still having lived longer and seen more of life and relationships I have a more soothing approach to my Grandson. I think this is typical of most Grandparents. I am working slowly to slip whatever information I can to him.
You must think as a Retired Social Worker I would have all this information under my belt. Having had no Alcoholics previously in my life or family I do not. My line of work was with the elderly community for most of my career.
When
my Daughter and him try to share about his drinking it ends in a heated argument. It is so difficult for her as a Mother to see anything objectively beyond her Heart. She is a wonderful Mother.Still having lived longer and seen more of life and relationships I have a more soothing approach to my Grandson. I think this is typical of most Grandparents. I am working slowly to slip whatever information I can to him.
You must think as a Retired Social Worker I would have all this information under my belt. Having had no Alcoholics previously in my life or family I do not. My line of work was with the elderly community for most of my career.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello Rosalie,
You are in the right forum and you are sharing just fine. You are most welcome here 
There are many different kinds of treatment, of which AA is only one. The effectiveness of all these different types depends on just _one_ thing; the willingness of the individual. Without the desire to stop drinking and improve our lives _nothing_ will be effective.
I was once a high-functioning alcoholic. I too studied Psychology, but with a minor in Business. I also attended AA sporadically when in college. At the time I had not yet experienced the incomprehensible demoralization that results from being out of control. I had no evidence to indicate that I could not control my drinking when I chose to do so. I just hadn't chosen to do so.
Later on I discovered that evidence, and chose AA as my form of recovery. One of the reasons I was able to recover was the memory of many adults in my past who had shown me, thru their actions, what it was like to live an honest, righteous life. Some were truly mentors, others just caring professionals. Without the memory of their example I would not have been able to recover.
From what you describe of your relationship with your Grandson it is clear to me that _you_ are the most powerful example of honest, righteous living in his life. When he does choose to stop drinking a large part of that decision will be the direct result of the example you have set for him. As you live _your_ life and follow the principles of al-anon you are creating a deep and lasting impression in his mind.
That impression that you are creating _today_ is what will fuel the desire to improve his life and stop drinking at some point in the future. Whichever form of recovery he chooses is really not important. What _is_ important is that he _knows_ that it is possible to live a good life free of alcohol because he _sees_ it every single day in _you_.
Rosalie, you have already saved your Grandson. He just doesn't know it yet
That's quite alright. It is just fine that AA is the only answer for _them_. Here on SR we know that there are many, many more answers. You just go ahead and ask all the questions you want and we will all share of our own experience.
By the way, I did not welcome you when you first arrived. Pardon my neglect and welcome to Sober Recovery, we are glad you decided to join us.
Mike
Originally Posted by rosalie 
I was wondering,do you think I am in the wrong forum? ...
Originally Posted by rosalie
... I am really asking you all here if you know of any new types of treatment that are effective. ...
Originally Posted by rosalie
... He is on his way to obtaining a degree in Social Sciences/Psychology with History as a Minor. ...
Later on I discovered that evidence, and chose AA as my form of recovery. One of the reasons I was able to recover was the memory of many adults in my past who had shown me, thru their actions, what it was like to live an honest, righteous life. Some were truly mentors, others just caring professionals. Without the memory of their example I would not have been able to recover.
From what you describe of your relationship with your Grandson it is clear to me that _you_ are the most powerful example of honest, righteous living in his life. When he does choose to stop drinking a large part of that decision will be the direct result of the example you have set for him. As you live _your_ life and follow the principles of al-anon you are creating a deep and lasting impression in his mind.
That impression that you are creating _today_ is what will fuel the desire to improve his life and stop drinking at some point in the future. Whichever form of recovery he chooses is really not important. What _is_ important is that he _knows_ that it is possible to live a good life free of alcohol because he _sees_ it every single day in _you_.
Rosalie, you have already saved your Grandson. He just doesn't know it yet
Originally Posted by rosalie
... I don't want to ask them this question at my meetings as I know they whole heartedly feel AA is the only answer...
By the way, I did not welcome you when you first arrived. Pardon my neglect and welcome to Sober Recovery, we are glad you decided to join us.
Mike
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Centreville, VA
Posts: 24
Rosalie,
One of the most helpful things I've learned in my year in Al-Anon is (and I have to use it quite often) is "if you pray, why worry -- and if you worry, why pray?". We can put all the info, pamphlets, leaflets, phone numbers, and "stuff" in front of our alcoholics, but unless and until they want sobriety bad enough (sick and tired of being sick and tired) it's all futile. That doesn't mean that whey they are ready they won't look at the stuff we've given them, but it's all needless wasted energy. We can drive ourselves crazy. I know I need to keep the focus on ME and MY OWN daily living/recovery in order to really "help" other people. And I can "help" others by simply practicing the pricnciples. My actions go along way -- my hubby is currently "sober" for 3.5 months (after his 3rd detox/rehab and 2 medical detoxes and MANY detoxes on his own). He WANTS to be sober -- he doesn't WANT to drink -- and maybe this time it will work -- maybe it won't but what I do know is that what I do or don't do has not bearing on if he drinks or not. He's got a disease that only he can tend to, so I'll just keep on praying.
Thanks for letting me share.
Hugs,
Eileen
One of the most helpful things I've learned in my year in Al-Anon is (and I have to use it quite often) is "if you pray, why worry -- and if you worry, why pray?". We can put all the info, pamphlets, leaflets, phone numbers, and "stuff" in front of our alcoholics, but unless and until they want sobriety bad enough (sick and tired of being sick and tired) it's all futile. That doesn't mean that whey they are ready they won't look at the stuff we've given them, but it's all needless wasted energy. We can drive ourselves crazy. I know I need to keep the focus on ME and MY OWN daily living/recovery in order to really "help" other people. And I can "help" others by simply practicing the pricnciples. My actions go along way -- my hubby is currently "sober" for 3.5 months (after his 3rd detox/rehab and 2 medical detoxes and MANY detoxes on his own). He WANTS to be sober -- he doesn't WANT to drink -- and maybe this time it will work -- maybe it won't but what I do know is that what I do or don't do has not bearing on if he drinks or not. He's got a disease that only he can tend to, so I'll just keep on praying.
Thanks for letting me share.
Hugs,
Eileen
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 66
So sorry I am just reading this post now.Somehow I overlooked it. I am no saint.I give my Grandson Love and Support and Respect.He in return gives me the same.
I just finished posting that Monday he is seeing a Doctor and plans on entering a detox for a few days.This comes at College break so it should work out well for him. The next plan is for A Psychiatric evaluation then counseling.They do have group meeting at the counseling center.They are not AA but they all share and try to help each other.
He shares much with me,Still how much can you tell your old Grandmother?
I just finished posting that Monday he is seeing a Doctor and plans on entering a detox for a few days.This comes at College break so it should work out well for him. The next plan is for A Psychiatric evaluation then counseling.They do have group meeting at the counseling center.They are not AA but they all share and try to help each other.
He shares much with me,Still how much can you tell your old Grandmother?
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