liesagain

well my husband is in the hospital ......baker acted (against his will)
after the relapse he went to hospital thinking he was going to detox yet he told him hes tired of fighting "it" he has lost everything and has nothing to live for

so there he is, I have his child with me and this time had to tell the child the truth..........and on top of all that am not sure if the child will be allowed to remain with me or if mom ( addict too) is gonna try to step in and take him............after a very long custody battle all of this garbarage
how do they do this to people they are suppose to love I just will never get that.
Thing is today he has called me several times and each time HES angry get that angry tone in his voice .................oh it makes me so upset.
Thing is that no matter how upset and hurt I am I dont want to be his reason for giving up but I also decided that I wont let him believe that all is ok do a few days inpatient and come home..............
over the last year of this................relapses and all the junk inbwetween I believe we would get thur it if he worked hard enough.................and hes kept working at it but every 30, 60 or 120 days hes out.......for a night lying spending $$ he barrows from people smoking crack
Each time it hurts less and less but each time more of me goes numb and I love him with all my heart but its past time for me to undersand that he may never be ok again so its time for me to quit.
The lies have become so intertwined in every area of our live together that theres nothing left thats good
Then this time he has a woman with him using drugs and god knows what else even had her call me pretending to be a customer for our business to buy him more time out using.........and he has the nerve to act angry with me.

anyhow my final talk with him today was him asking me How long his child "could stay with me, and if I would come to the hospital for a meeting with the doctors..........
I told him child can stay till child is 18 and leaves for college if its up to me, but its not so I dont have an answer for him on how long before others discover hes returned to active addiction and try to take child from me...............so thats something we will have to wait and see
And as for the meeting......why>? why do they need me? I didnt get a say in the decisions that put him there why would I get a say now? He basically said they need to decide what to do............

I just told him, I love you and I always will, I will support you in any way I can if its for your recovery but I am done, you have broken me, and you have broken every vow you made to me, I dont even know you and we have no marriage so as far as we are concerned theres nothing I can add to help the doctors help you........except that I will help in hopes that you can get it together so you can build a life for you and your child. And said but really the point is what you want and you need to think about that and work with the doctors..........and what did he say?

I JUST WANT THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!

So there you go, he doesnt care about me, or child he just wants out...........SICK SICK SICK
Thanks for listening...................

HKAngel24

I am so so sorry what you are going through and how you are faced with the horror of it all- all the deception- faced with the inevitable truth that he will do what he will do and he will be an addict.
I think we go on feeling so victimized and paralyzed by the addiction for so long that when we awake to the fact that we only have control over ourselves there is a period of MORE helplessness- at least I feel this is what I am going through now. I am seeing all of the broken dreams and the ending of so much that it is bringing up so much pain in me. Pain that feels like it will never end.

My addict bf- or whatever he is now- who knows at this point... was really emotionally abusing me, telling me I was the crazy one and I was ruining our relationship.
All I could do is cry and wail into the phone- "How can you not care about me? I have been the most important person in your life for the past year and a half?"

I STILL can't understand how drugs can completely make a person indifferent to the things that outsiders would believe "Really" matter.

I can say to you what I wish I could feel for myself- you deserve better. You deserve happiness.
But I am in the middle of trying to like myself again- of feeling like it's such an overwhelming task in front of me. So I am not experienced yet.

But I can tell you that I feel your pain and that I am here for you- as is the whole SR board.

Elana

Sorry you are going thru this. It is tough. The end of the rope is the hardest part of the rope to let go of.

I offer my prayers and my support.

Blackrose2756

He summed it all up with his last sentence. He just wants out of there. Doesn't sound like he wants recovery at all. If he were ready, he'd be willing to do "anything it took to stay clean". My ex attempted suicide several times or would call me & threaten it while he was in jail. I finally had his doctor tell me that these were nothing more than attempts at getting attention. He would always do things when someone was there or threaten until I gave in. If it is too hard to talk to him, I would NOT answer the phone. so, easy, yet so hard.

Lynne

dixied

I don't often post but your situation touched my heart. Yes, as one poster said you deserve so much more. Think of it this way.....you are dealing with a significant other (husband) who is sick mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. His mind is not right. I know this from dealing with my RAS. When my son went on a crack/cocaine binge that almost cost him his life he was placed in a psychiatric ward and was there for over a week. You could tell in his eyes that he was defeated but he couldn't really comprehend things.

I had to attend a meeting with the doctors and psychiatrists with my son and his wife present. The substance abuse counselor was also there. In that meeting the SA counselor said my son was a severe addict. It was stated by a professional and I heard it and my daughter-in-law. THere could be no misunderstandings. My son was presented with options. We heard them. At one point I told my son to select a place for treatment, call them, get a bed or I would sign papers for him to go to jail because he certainly would not go back to the streets. Now that was a hard thing for me to do.

Long story short....when you have a meeting like the one proposed to you it is in a safe environment, no punches being pulled..the truth is out there. So maybe you need to be there, listen to the options, and have your say. Maybe he'll see you are serious and his options will be limited.

Crack is an evil nasty drug! My son is six months two weeks clean but I know that can be changed at the drop of a hat. So factor in what you need and what AH's child needs......I hate that children are involved in situations like this. But like my son said in a lucid moment......if all it took was to be a parent to "cure" addiciton then everyone would just have A BABY and there would be no addicts.......in other words the pull of the drug is stronger than your own flesh and blood......what a battle and it is lifelong.........so sad......my prayers are with you.......dixie

marteen

It's the addiction talking! Don't take it personal. They always have to blame others and they can only focus on "ME"! It gets tiring and when you come to where "enough is enough" it will be just that!

He is just "quacking" and thinking only of himself, which is about all he can do.

You take care of YOU!