Mister7

Hello everyone, I say that becasue I relapsed. I was going strong for a long time as a happy sober person. Then I felt it was cool to have a beer. That debacle became a 7 day binge and now here on day 7 of the binge and I feel like crap. My wife is pissed at me, my work is pissed at me. Its a real mess. The sad thing is I go to meetings, everyone I know is supportive of me. But I still drank. So what in the hell am I to do? It worries me a lot. I had this 2 second flash of weakness as I was buying some cigarettes and grabbed some beer. Looking back at last Friday, I cannot even fathom what I was thinking. I have done my Step one stuff for AA, I know I have a problem and am an alcoholic. I have not gone to any meetings this week. I am fearful of them knowing I drank. I actually don't leave the house when I drink anyway (except to get beer). So I have ended this binge and feel hopeful but very crappy due to the withdrawals (which I am quite familliar with). The trigger here was a sight of the beer. It sounds ridiculous but as I was buying the smokes I saw the beer cooler to my right. Split second decision and boom, I bought some. Anyone else had this happen? This was not a premeditated thing, I had no interest or desire to drink when I walked into the store. So here I am 7 days later, really wishing I had bought the smokes at a store that didn't also sell beer. Very stange stuff, scares me becasue I was doing so well. So here is my question. How do you all prevent these irrational relapses after you have been doing everything right for some time? I mean I know that everyday you are sober your addiction is still there but damn I have gone through enough crap already. Damn the easy availability of alcohol, crap I pass 5 liquor stores every day coming home from work. This is getting insane. Who else feels mad at the liquor industry? It's everywhere!

Rowan

Hi Mister7,

Thanks for your honesty. I'm glad you made it back. I would go back to AA and pick up a desire chip - I've had to do it more than once myself - secrets can keep us out there.
Welcome to Day 1 - don't beat yourself up over this - try to learn from it, and to move on.

Rowan

angie9

Hi Mister Ive being there too heck I was going to counceling (CADS community alcohol and drug support) have a session with a councilor then bugger off to the supermarket and bought wine straight after it why I had no idea! I would wake up and say today no wine then a hour later bought some which confused and frightnened me as I could not control myself. I agree with you re the liquor and new Zealanders are big drinkers proudly displaying wine at the entrance of a supermarket!! talk about tempation as you zoom in with three squabbling kids and you see your addiction proudly standing for sale in front of you so easy to get!! Im coming up day 20 ( does a little victory dance lol) is it getting easier? a little bit Ive had challanges thrown at me which normally would of made me march down and get some grog in fact yesterday ( Friday) I sadly watched other ( non alkies I spose) buying their wine and I felt hacked off. All I can say is leave what happened behind you go back to AA start fresh dont dwell on it as if your like me you will say "stuff it" why fight it!! but you can keep coming here and posting and lurking best of luck.
Ang

cyberwolf

Glad you could share with SR if we leave the past in the past and look to the future we can only become stronger. You succeeded before and you will again.

Stay Strong and good luck

Anna

Hi Mister7

I'm glad you came and posted and hopefully you will move forward. Things like that would happen to me too and I felt like I had no idea why they happened. But, I realized that changing routines and planning would help and it did. I would look the other way as I passed the wine and beer aisle in the supermarket. I would walk on the other side of the street to go past the liquor store. Little things can help because sometimes it's just a question of getting through a minute.

Mister7

I know what you all mean. All I can say is what one of the guys in my group once said. "You can be in this meeting feeling great, but alcoholism is out in the parking lot doing push-ups." I thought that was pretty funny but it is so true. It is so damn true, perhaps alcoholism loses some strength over a period of years but the first year at least I am testament to the fact it can get you real quick. I am also realizing that I will not be going into any convience stores that sell beer anymore. I am still in awe of this disease, the power it can have over a person is quite disturbing. I have been thinking about the strarting point of that binge and I may as well have been hypnotized by some evil wizard who wanted me to drink. Thats sounds weird but somehow all the crap drinking has put me through at the time had left my mind. All my mind thought about was how fun a beer or two would be, and how relaxing. Well I am not so relaxed now. You all give me strength, thanks so much. I also think there is probably some person reading this post, and going through a similar situation, I say to him/her. Stop now, read these forums and get into a meeting or at least call the AA hotline most likely available in your area.

parentrecovers

so you going back to your meetings, mister7? i hope so...

blessings, and don't be too hard on yourself - this is a tough disease.

k

Mister7

Yes I am going to return to my group this evening. I will have a tough time telling some of the attendees because I really seemed to be doing well in the recovery. It should be cool though, I really missed them this week. I really feel like I let them down. Of course some of the old timers have stories of relapse that are counted in years, not days like me. I can only say that this relapse I had was so short because of the meetings I have been to and the people I talked to here and on an AA hotline. Thank you. I feel pretty good about all this. I think this may be the time I am going to do it. I just need to keep vigilant.

Dee74

don't be too hard on yourself M7...we've all relapsed, and I at least have had the 'where the ~!@# did this beer come from' impulse buy MANY MANY times...try and learn from it, and get right back into the programme !!
D

Rowan

Let us know how the meeting goes - will be there with you, in spirit.