Language of Letting Go - May 11
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - May 11
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Perfection
Many of us picked on ourselves unmercifully before recovery. We may also have a tendency too pick on ourselves after we begin recovery.
If I was really recovering, I wouldn't be doing that again . . . I should be further along than I am. These are statements that we indulge in when we're feeling shame. We don't need to treat ourselves that way. There is no benefit.
Remember, shame blocks us. But self-love and acceptance enable us to grow and change. If we truly have done something we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an amend and an attitude of self-acceptance and love.
Even if we slip back to our old, codependent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, we do not need to be ashamed. We all regress from time to time. That's how we learn and grow. Relapse, or recycling, is an important and necessary part of recovery. And the way out of recycling is not by shaming ourselves. That leads us deeper into codependency.
Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way: Perfection is being who and where we are today; it's accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery.
Today, I will love and accept myself for who I am and where I am in my recovery process. I am right where I need to be to get to where I'm going tomorrow.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Perfection
Many of us picked on ourselves unmercifully before recovery. We may also have a tendency too pick on ourselves after we begin recovery.
If I was really recovering, I wouldn't be doing that again . . . I should be further along than I am. These are statements that we indulge in when we're feeling shame. We don't need to treat ourselves that way. There is no benefit.
Remember, shame blocks us. But self-love and acceptance enable us to grow and change. If we truly have done something we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an amend and an attitude of self-acceptance and love.
Even if we slip back to our old, codependent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, we do not need to be ashamed. We all regress from time to time. That's how we learn and grow. Relapse, or recycling, is an important and necessary part of recovery. And the way out of recycling is not by shaming ourselves. That leads us deeper into codependency.
Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way: Perfection is being who and where we are today; it's accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery.
Today, I will love and accept myself for who I am and where I am in my recovery process. I am right where I need to be to get to where I'm going tomorrow.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: punta gorda florida
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Ann. I did something I regret years ago. No one was hurt, but it was morally wrong and it still bothers me to this day. I take that back, I was hurt because it still niggles occasionally. How do you deal with these issues. I was going to do the stinking step and tell someone I trust that did a similar thing and told me about it. I feel god is OK with it, but I'm not...thanx..Marian
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
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Posts: 60,328
Patch, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, many that I am ashamed of. And, like you, I kept the shame smushed way down inside but you know what? It showed. It showed in my eyes and my heart that I felt I was not worthy of God's love or anyone's love because I wasn't perfect.
Recovery has taught me to forgive myself and make amends in my own way, not always divulging my misdeed, but making it up in some way to the world. God made me and loves me and God doesn't make mistakes. The God of my understanding is loving and forgiving and if I am to do His will, then I must forgive myself after asking His forgiveness, and then live life as He intended, being the best person today that I know how to be. We can do no more than that and what greater tribute to God's love than to live well and share our light.
Whatever you have done is forgiveable. Perhaps make amends to yourself for the damage this has caused you by living well and giving something good of yourself to the universe. You ARE good, and there is enough goodness to share.
Just my thoughts, as imperfect as they may be.
Hugs
Recovery has taught me to forgive myself and make amends in my own way, not always divulging my misdeed, but making it up in some way to the world. God made me and loves me and God doesn't make mistakes. The God of my understanding is loving and forgiving and if I am to do His will, then I must forgive myself after asking His forgiveness, and then live life as He intended, being the best person today that I know how to be. We can do no more than that and what greater tribute to God's love than to live well and share our light.
Whatever you have done is forgiveable. Perhaps make amends to yourself for the damage this has caused you by living well and giving something good of yourself to the universe. You ARE good, and there is enough goodness to share.
Just my thoughts, as imperfect as they may be.
Hugs
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by patchoulli 
I take that back, I was hurt because it still niggles occasionally. How do you deal with these issues.
Every time I would feel those feelings, I would, as Ann said, smush them back down. That's akin to stitching up a deep wound that is already infected. It festers and the infection spreads.
Even though it hurts, I learned to go ahead and let those feeling rise up to the surface and just feel them again. One way I do that is to write in my prayer journal about them; the way I felt then and the way I still feel. Then I make an effort to hand them over to God. When the same feelings come again, I do it again. In this way, their power over me weakens.
There are some books that have helped me learn to do this, 'Breaking Free' and 'Believing God' by Beth Moore. (Actually I did the Bible Studies first and then got the books so I could go back and read when I needed to.)
Hope this helps you in some way. God desires for you to be free from whatever is weighing you down.
((HUGS))
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: punta gorda florida
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thank you Ann and Jen...I prefer to do my amends that way. I am a good person and I have been doing just that, feeling the pain[more stupidity], and letting it go. I didn't want to tell any one. Only god and I know and I'm comfortable with that. I'll keep working on me. Thank you...Marian
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