AH jumps out 2nd story window, unfortunately survives!
Starry Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
AH jumps out 2nd story window, unfortunately survives!
I'm not kidding! It has been a night from hell and it would be funny, if it weren't horrible.
AH went on a bender tonight, after detoxing since last Thurs. night. Took his $400 guitar and his $200 guitar pedal to pawn. I can't even go into all the details tonight because I still feel so ill over it all, but suffice to say he used while he was on the phone with me...saying how he wanted to use but didn't want to lose his family and his life...and throwing it all down a sewer then saying he wanted to go crawl in the mud to get it out of the sewer! CRAZY.
After an hour on the phone (stupid me) he came home. My Mom had called my Dad to come over and "protect" me if he showed back up. My Dad was putting my son to sleep so AH didn't know he was there at first. AH went upstairs to our bedroom and I followed. He wouldn't hand over his keys saying he wanted the option open if he decided to leave even though he didn't want to leave. CRAZY. Anyway, I went downstairs to speak to my Dad and while I was there, AH broke open my strong box with his BARE HANDS and stole $400 out of it. And then....CRAZY....he opened the window and jumped out of it (it's at least 20 feet down) and took off in his car.
Oh. My. God.
I have never witnessed anything so crazy in my life. For the first time, I am actually scared of what he might do if he comes back here. Luckily, my Dad is spending the night and he even went home to get a baseball bat. I called the cops and you know the drill, there's not much they can do. However, I can and WILL press charges for the credit card he stole and used last week and for the money he stole tonight, which was solely mine.
I am calling my lawer first thing tomorrow to start divorce proceedings. After four plus years of marriage, and three years here at SR, I am finally ready. Anyone who chucks himself out of a window is a lost cause. He is batsh*t crazy, and I'm no longer interested in sticking around for this trainwreck. For the first time, in all the bullcrap, I am really committed to doing this. I deserve better, and I'm honestly happy that he isn't here right now.
I feel like vomiting, I am stressed to high heaven, I am scared and I am sick to death, but I am READY. Ann has said time and time again that when you are really ready you will know, and she is right. I am ready now. I'm no longer afraid of losing AH, or seeing him with another woman, or facing single parenting, or mowing the lawn (yes, I was afraid to mow the lawn, but this weekend I forced myself to learn how) or being divorced. I am ready to start typing the word "exAH".
Without you wonderful people, I would not be ready nor would I be as sure. I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for being patient with me as my journey took me to this point.
Meg
AH went on a bender tonight, after detoxing since last Thurs. night. Took his $400 guitar and his $200 guitar pedal to pawn. I can't even go into all the details tonight because I still feel so ill over it all, but suffice to say he used while he was on the phone with me...saying how he wanted to use but didn't want to lose his family and his life...and throwing it all down a sewer then saying he wanted to go crawl in the mud to get it out of the sewer! CRAZY.
After an hour on the phone (stupid me) he came home. My Mom had called my Dad to come over and "protect" me if he showed back up. My Dad was putting my son to sleep so AH didn't know he was there at first. AH went upstairs to our bedroom and I followed. He wouldn't hand over his keys saying he wanted the option open if he decided to leave even though he didn't want to leave. CRAZY. Anyway, I went downstairs to speak to my Dad and while I was there, AH broke open my strong box with his BARE HANDS and stole $400 out of it. And then....CRAZY....he opened the window and jumped out of it (it's at least 20 feet down) and took off in his car.
Oh. My. God.
I have never witnessed anything so crazy in my life. For the first time, I am actually scared of what he might do if he comes back here. Luckily, my Dad is spending the night and he even went home to get a baseball bat. I called the cops and you know the drill, there's not much they can do. However, I can and WILL press charges for the credit card he stole and used last week and for the money he stole tonight, which was solely mine.
I am calling my lawer first thing tomorrow to start divorce proceedings. After four plus years of marriage, and three years here at SR, I am finally ready. Anyone who chucks himself out of a window is a lost cause. He is batsh*t crazy, and I'm no longer interested in sticking around for this trainwreck. For the first time, in all the bullcrap, I am really committed to doing this. I deserve better, and I'm honestly happy that he isn't here right now.
I feel like vomiting, I am stressed to high heaven, I am scared and I am sick to death, but I am READY. Ann has said time and time again that when you are really ready you will know, and she is right. I am ready now. I'm no longer afraid of losing AH, or seeing him with another woman, or facing single parenting, or mowing the lawn (yes, I was afraid to mow the lawn, but this weekend I forced myself to learn how) or being divorced. I am ready to start typing the word "exAH".
Without you wonderful people, I would not be ready nor would I be as sure. I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for being patient with me as my journey took me to this point.
Meg
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
WOW--that title reads like a newspaper headline!! I am glad you and your son are ok--and that you have such a caring Father--men like this are cowards--he won't bother you if your dad is there most likely--so try and get some rest to face tomorrow!
Figures he wouldn't get hurt jumping out the window! You or I would end up paralysed from the neck down!
Good you have made a final choice to get off the roller coaster ride once and for all.
A few months from now you will wonder why you waited so long.
Sounds like he is out of his mind right now--gonna binge until he drops.
Stay strong--follow through with your plans--be safe for you and your son.....
Figures he wouldn't get hurt jumping out the window! You or I would end up paralysed from the neck down!
Good you have made a final choice to get off the roller coaster ride once and for all.
A few months from now you will wonder why you waited so long.
Sounds like he is out of his mind right now--gonna binge until he drops.
Stay strong--follow through with your plans--be safe for you and your son.....
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Meggie.... (((Star)))
I always say we do what we can live with... and when we can't live with something anymore, we do something different.
Thank you for the update... I was worried about you. You are in my prayers... ((hugs))
I always say we do what we can live with... and when we can't live with something anymore, we do something different.
Thank you for the update... I was worried about you. You are in my prayers... ((hugs))
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Hi Meg, My name is Diane & I just read your post. Your post does read like something out of a movie but I know unfortunately how real it is. I am glad u r ready to move on with your life. My 1st husband was a compulsive gambler. I married him at age 18. I spent 10 yrs of my life trying to help him until I couldn't take it anymore.
I was divorced 10 yrs on my own with 2 sons before I met & married my present husband. I loved my 1st with my heart & soul & that was my mistake, your soul belongs to noone but your HP. My 1st reduced me to a screaming shrew. He did not bring out the best in me that is what I finally realized that made me end it. I did not like the person I became when I was with him because i couldn't tolerate the things he did........(noone could) I acted crazy along with him. When u r living with someone everything they do affects you. There is NOTHING my present husband does that I can't live with so I can love him like a wife loves a husband. We have ben together 24 yrs & maried 22 yrs................I used to feel the same about my ex worried that he would find someone else but by the time I ended it I would pray he would find someone else & leave me alone!!!
You & your family r in my thoughts & prayers
Love,
Diane
I am here cuz my 40 yr old son is an addict
I was divorced 10 yrs on my own with 2 sons before I met & married my present husband. I loved my 1st with my heart & soul & that was my mistake, your soul belongs to noone but your HP. My 1st reduced me to a screaming shrew. He did not bring out the best in me that is what I finally realized that made me end it. I did not like the person I became when I was with him because i couldn't tolerate the things he did........(noone could) I acted crazy along with him. When u r living with someone everything they do affects you. There is NOTHING my present husband does that I can't live with so I can love him like a wife loves a husband. We have ben together 24 yrs & maried 22 yrs................I used to feel the same about my ex worried that he would find someone else but by the time I ended it I would pray he would find someone else & leave me alone!!!
You & your family r in my thoughts & prayers
Love,
Diane
I am here cuz my 40 yr old son is an addict
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((Meggie)))
You did everything you could possibly do to try to make this work for you and your family, and that is never a waste of time because it's what we have to do before we can accept that addiction is bigger than our love for our addicts and our family.
Your bad days brought you here, gave you insight that you never had before, taught you how to take care of yourself and find courage to do things you never thought you could do. Even our bad days are strangely wrapped gifts that help us become better people who find inner strength and serenity.
So don't spend your days reliving the pain, looking back to see what you missed and don't spend them worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow will unfold exactly the way it is supposed to. Find joy in your day, even days like this, and live them one day at a time, and I promise you that before you know it, you will be a happier, more peaceful person who once again will notice the beauty in each day as you arise and face each new one.
You will be fine, so will your son, the peace you find now will take you both to a better place and a lovely path of new beginnings.
My prayers go out for your husband, addiction has taken the man you married and made him very sick. I pray he will find a better path and recovery before it is too late for him.
I feel like you and your little fella are family to me, and I'm sending a truckload of hugs for both of you.
You did everything you could possibly do to try to make this work for you and your family, and that is never a waste of time because it's what we have to do before we can accept that addiction is bigger than our love for our addicts and our family.
Your bad days brought you here, gave you insight that you never had before, taught you how to take care of yourself and find courage to do things you never thought you could do. Even our bad days are strangely wrapped gifts that help us become better people who find inner strength and serenity.
So don't spend your days reliving the pain, looking back to see what you missed and don't spend them worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow will unfold exactly the way it is supposed to. Find joy in your day, even days like this, and live them one day at a time, and I promise you that before you know it, you will be a happier, more peaceful person who once again will notice the beauty in each day as you arise and face each new one.
You will be fine, so will your son, the peace you find now will take you both to a better place and a lovely path of new beginnings.
My prayers go out for your husband, addiction has taken the man you married and made him very sick. I pray he will find a better path and recovery before it is too late for him.
I feel like you and your little fella are family to me, and I'm sending a truckload of hugs for both of you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Meggie...
I've always felt such a kinship with you because our situations are just so dang similar. The addict in our life is (was) our spouse...we have young sons with them...we're both from Michigan...we both went to MSU... Yep, we have alot of things in common and in the past, when I read some of your posts, I felt the pain and fear first hand. I think thats why I may have pushed too hard sometimes when responding to your posts in the past because (like a true codie), I wanted to save you from some of the pain I went thru. If I've learned anything here at SR, however, its that we each have to walk thru the pain to get where we need to go and no one can provide us with any shortcuts to get there.
This post only proves how incredibly similar our journeys have been. My exah had a psychotic episode too that caused me to finally wake up and see how insane MY life had become because of his drug use. I came home one night to find my exah hallucinating (while he was watching our 4 year old son). I spent an entire night listening to him have conversations and screaming matches with someone who wasn't there with my cell phone clutched in my hand. I was scared to death. Looking back, I should have called the police but I didn't want to scare my son (who fortunately slept thru the entire episode) and in the morning, I insisted that exah go to the ER for evaluation and he was admitted for four days. This was the first time I was ever AFRAID of my exah. My survival instints kicked in and I literally fled our marital home with our son in tow because I KNEW that I couldn't take another minute of the insanity.
I'm sharing this story with you because I know what its like to live thru years of addiction with your husband because you have a child with them and you want so desperately for things to work. I did it too.
Don't beat yourself up for taking so long to come to a decision. Like me, you had to do everything you could think of to make things work out the way you wanted before you could leave. There's nothing 'wrong' with that. Everyone has to find their own path in their own time.
Your probably full of all kinds of mixed emotions right now. The only thing I can tell you...as someone who has been down the same road...is that things will get better and they'll get better so much faster than you can possibly imagine right now. I had a rough plan about what I thought I would do when I left and how long I thought it would take me to get where I wanted to be...and ya know what? I got there and it didn't take nearly as much time as I thought it would. Your HP has something wonderful in store for you and your son...I just know it.
Anyway...Meggie...I'm sending lots and lots of strength and prayers your way today. I am sorry that your ah has become so ill but I am so grateful and happy to know that you're not going to let him take you and your son down with him...that would be the biggest tragedy of all.
Hugs and prayers and more hugs...
I've always felt such a kinship with you because our situations are just so dang similar. The addict in our life is (was) our spouse...we have young sons with them...we're both from Michigan...we both went to MSU... Yep, we have alot of things in common and in the past, when I read some of your posts, I felt the pain and fear first hand. I think thats why I may have pushed too hard sometimes when responding to your posts in the past because (like a true codie), I wanted to save you from some of the pain I went thru. If I've learned anything here at SR, however, its that we each have to walk thru the pain to get where we need to go and no one can provide us with any shortcuts to get there.
This post only proves how incredibly similar our journeys have been. My exah had a psychotic episode too that caused me to finally wake up and see how insane MY life had become because of his drug use. I came home one night to find my exah hallucinating (while he was watching our 4 year old son). I spent an entire night listening to him have conversations and screaming matches with someone who wasn't there with my cell phone clutched in my hand. I was scared to death. Looking back, I should have called the police but I didn't want to scare my son (who fortunately slept thru the entire episode) and in the morning, I insisted that exah go to the ER for evaluation and he was admitted for four days. This was the first time I was ever AFRAID of my exah. My survival instints kicked in and I literally fled our marital home with our son in tow because I KNEW that I couldn't take another minute of the insanity.
I'm sharing this story with you because I know what its like to live thru years of addiction with your husband because you have a child with them and you want so desperately for things to work. I did it too.
Don't beat yourself up for taking so long to come to a decision. Like me, you had to do everything you could think of to make things work out the way you wanted before you could leave. There's nothing 'wrong' with that. Everyone has to find their own path in their own time.
Your probably full of all kinds of mixed emotions right now. The only thing I can tell you...as someone who has been down the same road...is that things will get better and they'll get better so much faster than you can possibly imagine right now. I had a rough plan about what I thought I would do when I left and how long I thought it would take me to get where I wanted to be...and ya know what? I got there and it didn't take nearly as much time as I thought it would. Your HP has something wonderful in store for you and your son...I just know it.
Anyway...Meggie...I'm sending lots and lots of strength and prayers your way today. I am sorry that your ah has become so ill but I am so grateful and happy to know that you're not going to let him take you and your son down with him...that would be the biggest tragedy of all.
Hugs and prayers and more hugs...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
(((Meggie))) Sending you lots of hugs and prayers for some peace in your life. Sorry it had to come to this, but if it is what it takes for you to have a better life, then so be it. Hugs, Marle
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm sorry too meggie, i pray that your husband find his way soon, and i'm glad that you have found the strength and courage to do what you need to do to make your life better. i'm keeping you and your son in my prayers too
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
Meggie Star (((HUGS))) gosh gal, sounds like you've been through the wringer! I must say though, I laughed out loud when I read that post heading!!! You know you are doing the right thing. Maybe one day he will come to his senses. Time for you to get on with your life and take care of yourself and your son.
Peace,
Sandy
Peace,
Sandy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I'm sorry to hear that things have gone from bad to worse Meggie...you are an incredible woman, don't ever forget that.
And, you deserve all life has to offer.
Prayers and good thoughts Meggie,
((((hugs))))
Cece
And, you deserve all life has to offer.
Prayers and good thoughts Meggie,
((((hugs))))
Cece
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: punta gorda florida
Posts: 381
Thank god you,your son, and your dad are alright. I am glad you are at peace with your decision. I cut the grass this week too. It wasn't bad, and yesterday morning when I went to my car to go to work, I had a flat. I got the compressor out, put air in the tire and drove to the repair shop. Wasn't even late for work. Of course you will be fine, better than fine...Marian
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Bucks County PA
Posts: 1,343
Meggie, I am sooo sorry for all the pain and hell that you are going through right now. I too know what its like to try to make a marriage work with an addict. I'm glad that you are ready to get out and are so confident with your decision. Your are doing the best thing for yourself and your son. You both deserve better, you deserve to be happy, remember that. Sending you hugs and prayers.
Jenna
Jenna
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
(((((((Meggie))))))))
I'm so sorry to hear all of this - I know how hard you worked to make your marriage work. Unfortunately, it takes two, and AH wasn't ready to work on the marriage, or his addiction issues either. Regardless, pain is pain, and I'm sorry for yours.
Through all of this (we showed up here around the same time) you've been an amazing source of inspiration and comfort to me - you have a recovery that completely, blindingly, shines for me. No matter what you've been dealt, you've always managed to handle it with grace and compassion - things I've tried very hard to gain through your ESH.
Prayers and hugs to you, your son, and the rest of your family.
I'm so sorry to hear all of this - I know how hard you worked to make your marriage work. Unfortunately, it takes two, and AH wasn't ready to work on the marriage, or his addiction issues either. Regardless, pain is pain, and I'm sorry for yours.
Through all of this (we showed up here around the same time) you've been an amazing source of inspiration and comfort to me - you have a recovery that completely, blindingly, shines for me. No matter what you've been dealt, you've always managed to handle it with grace and compassion - things I've tried very hard to gain through your ESH.
Prayers and hugs to you, your son, and the rest of your family.
Starry Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
Thank you for the strength and good wishes friends!
The locksmith is here right now changing my locks. He also told me how to change the frequency on my garage door opener so AH can't get in to steal the lawnmower, snowblower etc.
I have an appt. with the divorce attorney at 2 pm and it can't come fast enough. AH thankfully didn't come back in the night and hasn't attempted to contact me. I'm trying to get as much done as possible while my son is at preschool, like going to the police station to file the charges against him.
I guess when you've had enough, you've had enough, and I am in full fight mode right now to try to save what I have left. I am scared AH will come back here as soon as he runs out of money, which will be anytime. I will be in and out today, updating if needed.
Thanks again for being here!
The locksmith is here right now changing my locks. He also told me how to change the frequency on my garage door opener so AH can't get in to steal the lawnmower, snowblower etc.
I have an appt. with the divorce attorney at 2 pm and it can't come fast enough. AH thankfully didn't come back in the night and hasn't attempted to contact me. I'm trying to get as much done as possible while my son is at preschool, like going to the police station to file the charges against him.
I guess when you've had enough, you've had enough, and I am in full fight mode right now to try to save what I have left. I am scared AH will come back here as soon as he runs out of money, which will be anytime. I will be in and out today, updating if needed.
Thanks again for being here!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 963
(((meggie)))
What a wild ride this can be ... I know how hard you've tried to save your marriage, but there comes a time when we're done and we know we're done. My first husband, father of my boys, was an active alcoholic and I stayed in the marriage longer than I should have for many reasons. I took my vows seriously; I loved him; I thought if he loved us enough, he would stop; I thought I could MAKE him stop. There came a time when I had enough and I was comfortable with my decision, because I knew in my heart I had done all that I could to make this work. I was scared too, but the main feeling I remember is RELIEF ... relief that I had one less child to look after, because that's what our relationship had become.
You and your son will be okay Meggie ... I believe you have an inner strength that will bring you through this and light will fill your world again.
with love & prayers ~
deedee
What a wild ride this can be ... I know how hard you've tried to save your marriage, but there comes a time when we're done and we know we're done. My first husband, father of my boys, was an active alcoholic and I stayed in the marriage longer than I should have for many reasons. I took my vows seriously; I loved him; I thought if he loved us enough, he would stop; I thought I could MAKE him stop. There came a time when I had enough and I was comfortable with my decision, because I knew in my heart I had done all that I could to make this work. I was scared too, but the main feeling I remember is RELIEF ... relief that I had one less child to look after, because that's what our relationship had become.
You and your son will be okay Meggie ... I believe you have an inner strength that will bring you through this and light will fill your world again.
with love & prayers ~
deedee
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
(((Meggie)))
ABSOLUTE INSANITY!!! I'm glad you said "crazy" over and over cause I was thinking the same thing! I am so sorry about what you are going through. My heart is pounding thinking about your situation, and your kids. What ever you do I will support. Knowing what you need to do is overwhelmings feelings, but you will get through it. One day at a time.
You and your family will be in my thought's and prayers.
ABSOLUTE INSANITY!!! I'm glad you said "crazy" over and over cause I was thinking the same thing! I am so sorry about what you are going through. My heart is pounding thinking about your situation, and your kids. What ever you do I will support. Knowing what you need to do is overwhelmings feelings, but you will get through it. One day at a time.
You and your family will be in my thought's and prayers.
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