To my forum family closest to me. . .
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
To my forum family closest to me. . .
Am I a "functioning" alcoholic? I need advice.
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I also posted this in the forum for Friends and Family of Alcoholics but I feel like this particular part of my forum family has been with me through so much that I wanted your advice as well.
My poison of choice is drinking. Anywhere between 3-4 drinks a day perhaps 3-4 times a week and if I notice I'm running low; I go to buy more alcohol. However, I don't think I have a problem because when I get tired of drinking I'm capable of not drinking for months. I've never driven after drinking and I've never been sick from drinking. To other people though it seems that I have a problem and this is what causes me to worry or feel guilty when I drink.
Drinking for some reason makes me happier, calmer and although I'm not a raving lunatic without it, I do notice myself feeling less upbeat and energetic. I suppose it becomes something akin to an induced type of depression. For the first couple of days of not drinking, I don't even think about alcohol but once day 4 or 5 hits, I'm thinking about it and making a conscience effort not to go buy it.The problem is my entire family drinks and drinking has become a very necessary part of any social gathering we have. For us, alcohol just makes it all the more fun.
My father wakes up to drinking (5AM) and has a drink for lunch and one for dinner. I tell him he drinks too much and he tells me I drink too much especially for my age
(24). I live with my father and we both work for the same company. So we spend a lot of time together and when I make up my mind not to drink, he'll want to drink and bring alcohol back into the house. It's hard for me to resist and we're social drinkers so we enjoy drinking together. And OMG, the more I'm writing the more concerned I'm becoming.
Okay, my drinking has never interfered with school, work or any relationship of mine (for what that's worth considering I use to date a coke user). I found this encouraging and the fact I can and have stayed clean for months before but I just took this test that screens for possible alcoholism and the results were not good even when I included these things that had me convinced that I DON'T have a problem.
Health wise, I feel fine. I do suffer with occasional sleep problems (but who doesn't) and I get reoccurring headaches. I was a good student (graduated college with a 3.8GPA), I'm a good worker (come to work on time and get the job done never been absent) and I'm a good companion (I went out of my way for my addict GF because I loved her that much). But now I'm so confused and more than a little scared. What's going on? What should I do?
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I also posted this in the forum for Friends and Family of Alcoholics but I feel like this particular part of my forum family has been with me through so much that I wanted your advice as well.
My poison of choice is drinking. Anywhere between 3-4 drinks a day perhaps 3-4 times a week and if I notice I'm running low; I go to buy more alcohol. However, I don't think I have a problem because when I get tired of drinking I'm capable of not drinking for months. I've never driven after drinking and I've never been sick from drinking. To other people though it seems that I have a problem and this is what causes me to worry or feel guilty when I drink.
Drinking for some reason makes me happier, calmer and although I'm not a raving lunatic without it, I do notice myself feeling less upbeat and energetic. I suppose it becomes something akin to an induced type of depression. For the first couple of days of not drinking, I don't even think about alcohol but once day 4 or 5 hits, I'm thinking about it and making a conscience effort not to go buy it.The problem is my entire family drinks and drinking has become a very necessary part of any social gathering we have. For us, alcohol just makes it all the more fun.
My father wakes up to drinking (5AM) and has a drink for lunch and one for dinner. I tell him he drinks too much and he tells me I drink too much especially for my age
(24). I live with my father and we both work for the same company. So we spend a lot of time together and when I make up my mind not to drink, he'll want to drink and bring alcohol back into the house. It's hard for me to resist and we're social drinkers so we enjoy drinking together. And OMG, the more I'm writing the more concerned I'm becoming.
Okay, my drinking has never interfered with school, work or any relationship of mine (for what that's worth considering I use to date a coke user). I found this encouraging and the fact I can and have stayed clean for months before but I just took this test that screens for possible alcoholism and the results were not good even when I included these things that had me convinced that I DON'T have a problem.
Health wise, I feel fine. I do suffer with occasional sleep problems (but who doesn't) and I get reoccurring headaches. I was a good student (graduated college with a 3.8GPA), I'm a good worker (come to work on time and get the job done never been absent) and I'm a good companion (I went out of my way for my addict GF because I loved her that much). But now I'm so confused and more than a little scared. What's going on? What should I do?
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: reality
Posts: 156
Well, I guess there are those obvious cases, and then there are those borderline cases, and then there are those that partake of alcohol and have no problem at all. I mean, despite the fact that AA usually says it is the individual who decides if they are or are not an alcoholic, we all know people that we say "He/She is one." But where is the line???
I have a girlfriend who, much like you, drinks a little bit all the time, on most nights. she is responsible, goes to work, takes care of her bills and her kid. She only goes overboard on a weekend or vacation. Yet, I said to her once that she should think about whether she is an alcoholic. I said that because I just felt like her need to sit down and have a couple drinks every night could lead to serious abuse. It is after all a progressive disease. Well, as it stands at this point, ten years since I said that, her drinking has not gotten worse. But I do think that her general good cheer and the fact that her life has not been ruined masks the fact that she is addicted to alcohol. I can not imagine that she could go very long without a drink.
But the question is -- if someone is addicted to something and it doesn't ruin their life then is it such a bad thing??? I mean, i would argue that I am absolutely addicted to chocolate, does it ruin my life? no. But, if we were going to try to stop addiction all together then that would have to go.
Your question is a quandary. I guess what you can do is respect the fact that someone made that observation, think long and hard about it, perhaps go to AA meetings to hear other people's stories. There might be something that resonates with you or sounds familiar that will help you make up your mind.
You are still young, when you still in your early 20s people feel it is acceptable to be drinking a lot. It is once you get older, perhaps have responsibilities that drinking interferes with that it becomes a more obvious problem.
I have a girlfriend who, much like you, drinks a little bit all the time, on most nights. she is responsible, goes to work, takes care of her bills and her kid. She only goes overboard on a weekend or vacation. Yet, I said to her once that she should think about whether she is an alcoholic. I said that because I just felt like her need to sit down and have a couple drinks every night could lead to serious abuse. It is after all a progressive disease. Well, as it stands at this point, ten years since I said that, her drinking has not gotten worse. But I do think that her general good cheer and the fact that her life has not been ruined masks the fact that she is addicted to alcohol. I can not imagine that she could go very long without a drink.
But the question is -- if someone is addicted to something and it doesn't ruin their life then is it such a bad thing??? I mean, i would argue that I am absolutely addicted to chocolate, does it ruin my life? no. But, if we were going to try to stop addiction all together then that would have to go.
Your question is a quandary. I guess what you can do is respect the fact that someone made that observation, think long and hard about it, perhaps go to AA meetings to hear other people's stories. There might be something that resonates with you or sounds familiar that will help you make up your mind.
You are still young, when you still in your early 20s people feel it is acceptable to be drinking a lot. It is once you get older, perhaps have responsibilities that drinking interferes with that it becomes a more obvious problem.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i think that if you are concerned and seems like you are, maybe you could check out a few aa meetings for yourself and just listen to others and decided whether or not you fit in. just a thought, still praying for ya
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 158
Hi NewBlue
I'm certainly not an authority in this area, so take this with a grain of salt. I don't mean to sound glib... but if feel that you are capable of stopping, then why don't you? You have survived a major trauma with your AXGF, and you've come so far, but you do get pulled back into it all on occasion. IMO, it's best to stay away from potential dangers when you're under emotional stress like that. I drank like a fish when I was in my twenties, but I only drank socially and only on weekends, so it never became a problem for me. I've had periods of no drinking to moderate drinking in the years since then... BUT.. and as you can see it's a big but... during any major emotional event (loss of job, death of mother, drug addiction of my best friend).. I made sure I did not drink at all. If you are worried, I would say call a hotline or go to an AA meeting. But if you CAN stop, I would say that the fact that you are concerned is enough reason that you SHOULD stop.
With love and hugs,
Mertzie
I'm certainly not an authority in this area, so take this with a grain of salt. I don't mean to sound glib... but if feel that you are capable of stopping, then why don't you? You have survived a major trauma with your AXGF, and you've come so far, but you do get pulled back into it all on occasion. IMO, it's best to stay away from potential dangers when you're under emotional stress like that. I drank like a fish when I was in my twenties, but I only drank socially and only on weekends, so it never became a problem for me. I've had periods of no drinking to moderate drinking in the years since then... BUT.. and as you can see it's a big but... during any major emotional event (loss of job, death of mother, drug addiction of my best friend).. I made sure I did not drink at all. If you are worried, I would say call a hotline or go to an AA meeting. But if you CAN stop, I would say that the fact that you are concerned is enough reason that you SHOULD stop.
With love and hugs,
Mertzie
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
again, my bro started drinking at a young age, and didn't think he had a problem, he always kept a job and tryied to do the right thing, by the time that he was 30+ he realized that he had a hard time quitting and by the time he was 45 he passed away, scerosis of the liver. i think it may benefit you to think deep about your concerns, addiction is progressive. maybe you could kind of quit while you are ahead. most addicts don't know they are addicts until they really try to quit. jmho
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
You know, Mertzie, I use to ask that of my exAGF all the time that if she knew she was capable of staying clean (having done it for 9yrs) then why couldn't she stop. Now you've posed this question to me and no, I don't take offense.
I guess I won't know if I can truly stop drinking for an extended amount of time until I try but it's discouraging to read that even alcoholics can stop drinking for months but they're still alcoholics. What does that mean? Does that mean that I immediately classify as an alcoholic because I have a glass of wine at a wedding reception although I've been "clean" for months or years? There seems to be a fine line between someone who drinks a lot and someone who drinks too much. I guess only time will tell.
Consequently, someone shared with me in another forum a link to AA's screening test for alcoholics. It's 12 questions and if you answer four or more with a "yes" then they suggest you consider getting some help. I only answered two with a "yes". I know I'm not out of the woods though because it is a progressive disease and I DO need to slow down on my drinking before it does get out of hand. My concern for drinking too much is definitely reason enough to decrease rate of consumption.
Thank you all for responding so quickly and for your honesty. I was in a real panic but you guys got me back on track
I guess I won't know if I can truly stop drinking for an extended amount of time until I try but it's discouraging to read that even alcoholics can stop drinking for months but they're still alcoholics. What does that mean? Does that mean that I immediately classify as an alcoholic because I have a glass of wine at a wedding reception although I've been "clean" for months or years? There seems to be a fine line between someone who drinks a lot and someone who drinks too much. I guess only time will tell.
Consequently, someone shared with me in another forum a link to AA's screening test for alcoholics. It's 12 questions and if you answer four or more with a "yes" then they suggest you consider getting some help. I only answered two with a "yes". I know I'm not out of the woods though because it is a progressive disease and I DO need to slow down on my drinking before it does get out of hand. My concern for drinking too much is definitely reason enough to decrease rate of consumption.
Thank you all for responding so quickly and for your honesty. I was in a real panic but you guys got me back on track
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Blue, there is a book that BigSis recommended for me to read to help me understand my daughter's addiction. It is about alcoholism and it also talks about the different stages, etc. It is a really good book called "Under the Influence" Might be worth checking it out. My husband has always enjoyed a couple of drinks nightly. He grew up with parents who did the same. His drinking has never caused any problems in our lives, but lately he has felt like it is no longer under his control. In other words, he needs to have those drinks. He went to his family doctor and is going to try the medication, Campral (?). I applaud him for wanting to not let things get out of control. I say the same to you. Hugs, Marle
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Thanks. I'll pick it up.
I guess I just find it a little frustrating that there are so many definitions of alcoholism. To say to someone who may be an alcoholic "only you know if you drink too much" is disconcerting considering most alcoholics live in denial. What does it take to get that slam in the gut you need to recognize when you have a problem? I mean I have yet to experience any real painful consequences because of my drinking aside from some minor physical ailments that may or may not be due to alcohol. Someone once asked me "Are you really drinking too much if it hasn't had any real negative impact on your life?" No problems with the law, with work, with my friends or family. I haven't lost anything as a result of my drinking except some small peace of mind. So now what?
I guess I just find it a little frustrating that there are so many definitions of alcoholism. To say to someone who may be an alcoholic "only you know if you drink too much" is disconcerting considering most alcoholics live in denial. What does it take to get that slam in the gut you need to recognize when you have a problem? I mean I have yet to experience any real painful consequences because of my drinking aside from some minor physical ailments that may or may not be due to alcohol. Someone once asked me "Are you really drinking too much if it hasn't had any real negative impact on your life?" No problems with the law, with work, with my friends or family. I haven't lost anything as a result of my drinking except some small peace of mind. So now what?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 285
My husband is kind of in the same post. He often wonders if he has a problem and so do I. He can go a week without drinking, and when we go out he'll have a couple and then we go home and go to bed. But when he's out by himself, is when the problems arise. He, for some reason, doesn't know when to stop, and will come home really late, which results in a fight between the two of us. I believe it's called binge drinking. He has gone to meetings, and is trying not to go out by himself anymore.
He wants to still drink socially, but we've come to the conclusion that he can't go out by himself. Hopefully, he'll stick to it.
He wants to still drink socially, but we've come to the conclusion that he can't go out by himself. Hopefully, he'll stick to it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hey newblue,
So forget about the "alcoholic" tag for a while. Before that word was common, it was said that someone had a "drinking problem."
If it has control over you -- meaning, if ingesting alcohol has the power to make you feel great and the lack of it has the power to make you feel "less" -- then you may want to step back and take a look at it. How much power does it have? Do you want it to have that much power over you?
Forget the label and think about the substance, about the feeling that you really feel better about yourself and your life when you're drinking. That's a big clue. Do you want to be dependent on something that comes out of a bottle?
Don't get me wrong, I drink too. But I used to be more like you, 3-4 hard drinks a night several nights a week. Life just felt better with it. I now have a leash on it, and I control it, not the other way around, by proving to myself night after night that I can get by without it, or with just a little of it, and I still feel great about myself no matter whether I've had any or not. It's down to a "nice to have," like a back rub or a great pizza. It doesn't drive me.
When you can reach that point, you'll have nothing to worry about.
It's all up to you, and how you want to live. Glad you're thinking about it, though -- alcohol abuse can really creep up on you.
Hugs and love,
GiveLove
So forget about the "alcoholic" tag for a while. Before that word was common, it was said that someone had a "drinking problem."
If it has control over you -- meaning, if ingesting alcohol has the power to make you feel great and the lack of it has the power to make you feel "less" -- then you may want to step back and take a look at it. How much power does it have? Do you want it to have that much power over you?
Forget the label and think about the substance, about the feeling that you really feel better about yourself and your life when you're drinking. That's a big clue. Do you want to be dependent on something that comes out of a bottle?
Don't get me wrong, I drink too. But I used to be more like you, 3-4 hard drinks a night several nights a week. Life just felt better with it. I now have a leash on it, and I control it, not the other way around, by proving to myself night after night that I can get by without it, or with just a little of it, and I still feel great about myself no matter whether I've had any or not. It's down to a "nice to have," like a back rub or a great pizza. It doesn't drive me.
When you can reach that point, you'll have nothing to worry about.
It's all up to you, and how you want to live. Glad you're thinking about it, though -- alcohol abuse can really creep up on you.
Hugs and love,
GiveLove
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Oddly enough, Susie. . .your food for thought was quite filling. . .LOL. I had a calm realization that "Alcohol does NOT control me." It doesn't control me because as you all said half the battle is recognizing the problem. Now that I've recognized the problem I can TAKE control of the situation, conscious effort or effortless, I CAN stop drinking or at least keep it limited to social events. You all have provided me so much insight and enlightenment. I really appreciate it. God bless
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Dear Blue, My husband used to drink once in awhile. When he only drank beer things were fine but once or twice a yr after wk he would go out with the guys & after drinking beer & shots he would come home drunk & we used to have horrible fights. Because of this he stopped drinking alcohol totally. I didn't think he had to do that but he did. Now 10 or 15 yrs later he expresses the desire to have a cold beer once in awhile and I have no problem with that. My dad will be 88 in Dec & has drank beer everyday since I can remember & there has never been a problem from that either.
I guess I am sharing this as only you can tell if you have a problem with alcohol.
Love,
Diane
I guess I am sharing this as only you can tell if you have a problem with alcohol.
Love,
Diane
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Thank you, Rozied, for sharing. It's comforting to hear and as for my father, I say he drinks too much because I do know that memory loss is an effect of long-term drinking and he's displaying that though he claims he didn't start having memory problems until after her came out of the war (Saudi). Otherwise, he too lives quite well and has not lost anything (external) as a result of his drinking.
I'm really not trying to let myself off the hook here but as I said before I never thought I had a problem with drinking. Other people would say that they thought I did and I can recognize the pattern of behaviors that may have given them that perception of me but I'd always been comfortable with my drinking and as I said because I had never experienced any negative consequences due to my drinking, I certainly never considered myself an alcoholic.
I think I'm starting to see though a major consequence of even questioning whether you may be an alcoholic because it then seems like your suddenly stuck with that title no matter what you say or do thereafter. I notice that now that I've questioned whether I am, that now that I say I'm not it appears to be a state of "denial". But I'm being honest with myself and I know that I'm okay.
I shouldn't stop drinking because I may be an alcoholic because I'm not. I should stop drinking because it's unhealthy to drink just as I have stopped indulging in too much junk food. It's just something I need to do for the sake of my health.
I'm really not trying to let myself off the hook here but as I said before I never thought I had a problem with drinking. Other people would say that they thought I did and I can recognize the pattern of behaviors that may have given them that perception of me but I'd always been comfortable with my drinking and as I said because I had never experienced any negative consequences due to my drinking, I certainly never considered myself an alcoholic.
I think I'm starting to see though a major consequence of even questioning whether you may be an alcoholic because it then seems like your suddenly stuck with that title no matter what you say or do thereafter. I notice that now that I've questioned whether I am, that now that I say I'm not it appears to be a state of "denial". But I'm being honest with myself and I know that I'm okay.
I shouldn't stop drinking because I may be an alcoholic because I'm not. I should stop drinking because it's unhealthy to drink just as I have stopped indulging in too much junk food. It's just something I need to do for the sake of my health.
Last edited by newblue82; 05-10-2007 at 09:18 AM. Reason: grammar
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
If you have alcohol in the house, can you let it sit there or are you drawn to it and do you need to use it?
If you are at a party do you feel left out if you have diet soft drinks w/o alcohol?
If you start drinking (home or out) can you stop and put it away after a single drink or do you need to go until you feel it?
These are questions only you can answer. The question really is what is addiction and what is not and where is the line for you.
If you are at a party do you feel left out if you have diet soft drinks w/o alcohol?
If you start drinking (home or out) can you stop and put it away after a single drink or do you need to go until you feel it?
These are questions only you can answer. The question really is what is addiction and what is not and where is the line for you.
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
I remember one time a good friend told me he thought I had a drinking problem, so to prove him wrong, when I went out to bars or socially, I would drink pop. And I discovered, that as long as you had a glass in your hand people really didn't care and wouldn't harass you about why you weren't drinking.
After that scary realization, (that someone thought I had a problem), have never had a problem with alcohol since that time, as I can go months without having even a social drink, and have bottles of alcohol in my house that I never touch for months.
I just find people always say....well, I don't have a problem because.....(fill in the blanks).....
at least I don't have blackouts
It doesn't affect my job
I've never had a DUI
At least I never drink before noon
on and on and on
but I think, if you are thinking you have a problem.....You have a problem
Take what you want and leave the rest
Hope I didn't offend!!
After that scary realization, (that someone thought I had a problem), have never had a problem with alcohol since that time, as I can go months without having even a social drink, and have bottles of alcohol in my house that I never touch for months.
I just find people always say....well, I don't have a problem because.....(fill in the blanks).....
at least I don't have blackouts
It doesn't affect my job
I've never had a DUI
At least I never drink before noon
on and on and on
but I think, if you are thinking you have a problem.....You have a problem
Take what you want and leave the rest
Hope I didn't offend!!
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
So let me see. . .LOL. . .the consensus here is I should completely stop drinking, which I've agreed to though not on the grounds that it seems many of you want me to that is to say I'm an alcoholic. But I'm not an alcoholic. I will stop though because as previously mentioned above; it's bad for my health. This is one persistent group and I love that about you guys Thanks again.
Thanks again.
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I drink a drink once in awhile.
In the winter a nice single malt scotch in the evening with candle light and some Mozart and the snow rattling against the window can be a fine occupation. Sipping it slow and savoring it like a good conversation works for me with my cat on my lap and a good book imakes a fine evening.
I good wine at dinner can be pleasant if the dinner is "up to" having wine with it.
In summer, a glass of beer.. ice cold.. after walking around after the lawn mower can be very nice too. Just one (the second one is never as good). Lemonade can be just as good!
Not often. Not all the time. Once in awhile as a treat when the mood is right and can be enhanced.. that is when I will have a rare drink..
I would make a bad alcohlic. I drink too much and I get very very sick immediately.. I tried a couple of times.. NOT good. LOL
In the winter a nice single malt scotch in the evening with candle light and some Mozart and the snow rattling against the window can be a fine occupation. Sipping it slow and savoring it like a good conversation works for me with my cat on my lap and a good book imakes a fine evening.
I good wine at dinner can be pleasant if the dinner is "up to" having wine with it.
In summer, a glass of beer.. ice cold.. after walking around after the lawn mower can be very nice too. Just one (the second one is never as good). Lemonade can be just as good!
Not often. Not all the time. Once in awhile as a treat when the mood is right and can be enhanced.. that is when I will have a rare drink..
I would make a bad alcohlic. I drink too much and I get very very sick immediately.. I tried a couple of times.. NOT good. LOL
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