bymyself

Please God forgive me. Please everybody on Soberrecovery forgive me, I drank tonight. Please tell me if I'm wrong. When I don;t drink for some reason my husband still loves to put me down. last night I was telling him that if he kept up with his Sh*t I would go my way.. He told me, " you can't go anywhere you have no insurance and no retirement". This really bothered me.. Am I wrong for letting this get to me. I don't know why but when I got work this morning I just started thinkin about the horrible ( I THINK THEY ARE) things he said to me and my anxiety went through the roof. So I drank tonight and I want to drink myself NUMB OR DEAD. Has anybody experienced this. Please, I don;t know what to do. I didn't think I was this bad of a person. I never told anyone this and I'm sure it's my fault. When we first got married I cursed at him because he got me so MAD and he came up to our bedroom where I was trying to hide out and calm down.. He came into the bathroom and put liquid soap in his hand and shoved it down my throat, telling me I deserved it because I cursed at him...
Thank you all for being there for me,
Theresa ( now you know why I am "bymyself")

Anna

Bymyself,

It won't help to be so hard on yourself. I know how awful it feels, but you can only move forward. You don't need to decide at this moment, whether to stay or to leave your husband. But, you can work on making yourself feel better about your life. Be good to yourself and treat yourself well. Show your husband that treating you like that is unacceptable.

BWMD

bymyself...........you do not deserve what he did to you. You are a good person.

IO Storm

By....

His insurance will cover you if you separate...if you are being

physically and emotionally abused now...you will not be

charged with abandonment of the home or the marraige.

It is better to leave for your own safety than to drink yourself

to death...

Call or go to your local Women's shelter, Center for Family

Solutions, or Victims of DV and get advice..these centers of

community service also have hotlines.

Be safe, and keep posting!

Love,

:

IO

bymyself

51Anna,

I have tried to be the best wife and mother I could be. I know I have a problem but he has no right to bring the bottle of wine on the dinner table in front of my teenage daughter and make it aware that I'm drunk. I f''''in hate life. And mine is OVER!!!e It's not his biological child and I think he wants her to hate me!!!

livefree

bymyself,
I am thinking of you and praying for you. I am so sorry that you are in such terrible circumstances. Your husband sounds truly awful. You are not "this bad of a person." You are dealing with a lot even without your alcohol problems. I think you need to consider whether or not you should remain in such an unhealthy and abusive relationship. Please take care of yourself.

bymyself

It's finally done. I AM SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OnRecoveryRoad

I must admit I am a extremely disgusted with your husband's behavior. He obviously feels very sh*tty about himself because he pokes fun of you. This is his method for making himself feel better. Does he think he's better than you? He's not. You're a person with a problem...a problem that can be addressed and you can recover. He sounds like a selfish jackass with a low opinion of himself. He's an ass for bringing wine to the table. How childish to make fun of others to feel better about himself. That's the maturity of a 2nd grader.

Don't let him threaten you. You can rebuild your life to have insurance and retirement. These are not reasons to stay. A full time job solves those problems.

What I am worried about is you and I am also worried about what his behavior is doing to your daughter's mental, emotional state. Also your daughter will think its normal for a man to treat a woman this way. Do you want your daughter to live this way someday?

Dont let him put you down. You are worth it babe. Get out of there. Do it for you and your child.

By the way, you are NOT by yourself. You have you, your daughter, and this forum is filled with people reaching out who care about you.

bymyself

OnRecoveryRoad,

Yes, I think he thinks he's better than I am. And what's bothering me the most is that I am drinking in front of him which makes him feel powerful. Am i wrong, but I thought if you love someone you would help them instead of making them feel worse and making them feel like they can't exist without you/

Theresa

OnRecoveryRoad

[QUOTE=bymyself;1324080]OnRecoveryRoad,

>> Am i wrong, but I thought if you love someone you would help them instead of making them feel worse and making them feel like they can't exist without you>>

I think you've answered your own question ... Actions speak louder than words...

CarolD

Read what Storm ssaid...

and then do it please.

BTW if you have been married 10 plus years to this goon
you might be able to get into his retirement.
It depends on what he is using.


You can use your county health center for medical care
for low income or no income.


Take care

parentrecovers

your recovery first, theresa. the relationship is toxic, and not helping your recovery - at this point - not worth it. i understand how difficult it is.

blessings, k

caileesnana

Sounds to me like he is an abusive, controlling "man". You or any woman doesnt' deserve to be treated like that. There are all kinds of resources to help you--when you make you mind up!

33years18drunk

Has anyone heard from her? Is she okay? I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers!

Missymae737

Hello Bymyself,

Please leave this toxic relationship...Don't set yourself up to be totally controlled by this sick man...The longer you stay the harder it gets to leave...To make matters worse, he loves it when you drink...You are his prey...

I will be thinking of you...You deserve so much more...

indigo

Hope that you are hanging on the others are right, he is toxic and you deserve better. Please don't be too harsh with yourself, you are trying to cope and there are ways, see the posts above.
keeping you in my thoughts.

indigo

stone

Hi By,

" you can't go anywhere you have no insurance and no retirement"

First off this is wrong, as IO has pointed out. Second, he sounds like a *******.

Alive

I would like to add that i can imagine what you're going through. There is a reason why independence is so important to the dignity of a human being. My mom stopped working when she married my dad. She doesn't have her money or a retirement for now.As he says he owns her. It is the worst feeling in the world, to depend on somebody that you don't know if will be there for you for anything.
I know what you feel, all you can do is stay strong, do not let him think you are done, that you can't do nothing without him. Get yourself together, read, learn, let culture make you whole, become strong. If your spirit is strong he won't mess with you. As a son i had to watch that all my life. It destroyed my vision of love, gave me a sense of lack of power and i always wanted to get my mom out of this situation....Please do not give up on yourself. That's what he wants, your insecurity. They want to put family down so they feel confident...It's all about character. Actually, lack of it! It's all about how you are going to fight and say i will be independent and you will not treat me like this, because i am as much as you to the Higher Power. Please say: TRY IT ON ME!

tad4871

NO ONE has the right to make fun of someone else for a problem they have - last I checked, NO ONE is perfect. Least of that jacka** you have to live with.

Don't let him make you feel like less of a person. At least you admit your problem and are trying to do something about it. What's his excuse???

Having an addiction does not mean you are any less of a person than anyone else. Believe in yourself - you ARE worth it.