oneeyeopen

ugh, same old, same old...

just feeling frustrated and weepy today, a bit of PMS combined with a massive amount of anger at the abf over money.

I have stuck notes on my wall saying "LET GO" and "There is nothing you can do about it"

I mean, why turn myself into a basket case over HIS debt to me, which happens to be on MY credit cards, which he will never pay back and for which I will be paying a couple hundred bucks a month on for the next couple of years. Fact is -- I will not get any money out of him, so I just have to deal with it myself. Reality is, it was my STUPID self that loaned him the money (MAN I can not believe i was so stupid.) and therefore i just have to take responsibility for getting myself into the situation I am in. Afterall, he only ever actually STOLE about 500 or so bucks from me, the rest was actually a loan which I willingly forked over.

BUT, can't beat myself up about that. I should set up a chart on the wall with the amount of debt and the amount I am paying off every month as a way of reminding myself that this guy is NOT WORTH IT.

I just can't believe I let my priorities get so screwed up over some guy. I have neglected my own kids over it, and that is something I promised I would never do. I always looked down on those women who would put their boyfriend or second husband ahead of their kids. And here I ended up doing the same thing.

There should be some charity we can apply to for help repaying debt amassed by people involved with addicts.

finallyout

i totally hear you! my AH left more debt collectors for me than i ever thought possible. i'll be paying off the IRS for him (my names on the returns too) for about the next hundred years!! How I wish there was charity like that too, maybe we should start one. Oh wait, we're all broke from the addicts in our lives!! Wish I had words of wisdom but i'm just as overwhelmed and frustated. At least we know we're not the only ones.

teke

sorry you had to go through all of this, a lesson learned huh, no need to beat yourself up about, maybe you can call the creditors and negociate the balance or some kind of affordable payment plan. maybe a credit counselot can help. i know how you feel, i had to file bankruptcy yrs ago, for the same reason. at least you are able to do something, one step at a time you find a way. keeping you and your is my prayers

hope213

we live & learn. i always know that when it came to a.s.(clean or not) & his wife if i leant them anything i never got it back.some people just think the world owes it to them.hugs,

newblue82

I managed to get swindled out of $60 when I went home. I gave $20 to my exAGF for cigarettes and beer (true or not, I doubt it), $20 to her cousin to go to the skating rink and $20 to her other cousin for washing my car. Although, I imagine it all went into the same hat. I wasn't too proud of myself after that but I once read that if you loan someone $20 and never see that person again then it was probably worth it. I'm sorry to hear that you had to experience this lesson but I agree that you shouldn't beat yourself up although I think I read that it was a considerable amount. Just try not to let it happen again or let it bring you down. After all, you are ONLY human!

dollydo

You made the decision to "give" him the money, now, it's gone. That was your choice, not his.

All you can do is dig yourself out, and never do it again.

Don't beat yourself over the head, just learn from this bad decision. Make the past a guidepost, not a hitching post. That's all we can do.

My Best,

patchoulli

I am almost out of the debt that Keith made[the parts I am responsible for]. About $3500 total. I was angry at first but I'm not anymore. I'm still here, I'm getting better every day..He's not. I loved him but I am noticing that there is more money to live MY LIFE, now that he is not here. I am living the way I used to live[almost], and I didn't realize how low I had sunk until I looked at my new bedroom and put my best sheets on the bed and they were holey and the elastic was all stretched. That wasn't his fault...I allowed it. I will never allow it again....Marian

Wascally Wabbit

Hon, I did this too. I loved this guy. We had been together for 6 years.
I loaned him all this money so he could buy a car.
He married another woman 2 months later!
Never saw a penny. Paid for a loooooong time both emotionally and financialy too. That single act was the hardest lesson I ever learned.
My best friend asked me why I would loan money to a man who had a job and could get his own loan. My answer was that I wanted him to love me.
He married another woman 2 months later!
My lessons learned? 1. Never loan money unless you expect to never see a penny paid back. 2. If a man can't get a loan of his own, he can't have mine!

Truffles

My RAH must have gone thru about $80,000 if not more of our money - it makes me sick of how stupid I was at the time. Wasted on drugs and nothing to show for it. We had money in a CD which I left thinking he wouldn't touch it, it took a loan out against the CD to pay credit cards. He tells me he is going to get a new loan to pay that off - I know that won't happen.

There are days I get so mad - I know there is nothing I can do about it now. I just wonder don't they even feel bad about it!

an'ka

Yep, been there, done that. Paid husband's credit cards and student loan while he got drunk at home for two years. I didn't even accrue that debt, never used ANY of his credit cards, and yet as a good wife, I felt obligated to take care of his credit history!!! There is no excuse for me--haha! He used MY debit card countless times, ran up a bunch of insufficient charges that I had to take care of, and I allowed that to happen over and over and over again. The lesson has been learned.