Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Giving Ourselves What We Deserve

I worked at a good job, making a decent salary. I had been recovering for years. Each morning, I got into my car and I thanked God for the car. The heater didn't work. And the chance of the car not starting was almost as great as the chance that it would. I just kept suffering through and thanking God. One day, it occurred to me that there was absolutely no good reason I couldn't buy myself a new car - that moment - if I wanted one. I had been gratitudeing myself into unnecessary deprivation and martyrdom. I bought the new car - that day.
--Anonymous

Often, our instinctive reaction to something we want or need is, No! I can't afford it!

The question we can learn to ask ourselves is, But can I?

Many of us have learned to habitually deprive ourselves of anything we might want, and often things we need.

Sometimes, we can misuse the concept of gratitude to keep ourselves unnecessarily deprived.

Gratitude for what we have is an important recovery concept. So is believing we deserve the best and making an effort to stop depriving ourselves and start treating ourselves well.

There is nothing wrong with buying ourselves what we want when we can afford to do that. Learn to trust and listen to yourself about what you want. There's nothing wrong with buying yourself a treat, buying yourself something new.

There are times when it is good to wait. There are times when we legitimately cannot afford a luxury. But there are many times when we can.

Today, I will combine the principles of gratitude for what I have with the belief that I deserve the best. If there is no good reason to deprive myself, I won't.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

This reading today reminds me that I deserve to have many things that I deprived myself of before recovery, and it doesn't have to be anything as expensive as a new car.

I deserve peace, happiness, balance, and serenity in my life and all I have to do is make a decision to find all of those things in my life. Regardless of what is happening around me, what is happening inside me is my choice today. I can "react" to my surroundings OR I can "act" in faith in my recovery and choose what to own and what to let go of.

Just for today, I will remind myself often that life is meant to be enjoyed, life is meant to be lived to its fullest and that life itself is a gift that I can accept in gratitude and earn in my actions.

Hugs

patchoulli

Ann, the serenity, peace, and balance are coming. In the meantime...after sleeping on pillows and sheets that I would be ashamed to throw away, I BOUGHT NEW BEAUTIFUL SHEETS AND PILLOWS.... this post is so absolutely true...We forget to treat ourselves and something small[doesn't need to be a car], makes a big difference and makes me feel special. Again, thank you for your daily posts..Marian

Ann

I agree, Patch, and I had a rude awakening back in the days when I was still enabling my son. He was setting up yet another apartment during one of his "recovery" spells and I went to "help him" and bought him new dishes, pots and pans, flatwear and bedding...then realized that HIS stuff was much nicer than my own!! And by his repeated history of just losing all his "stuff" every time her relapsed, I might have been wiser to give him my used stuff and bought the new things for myself

I have been toying with the idea of redoing my bedroom. The paint and carpet are like new and just fine, but I'd just like new bedding and accessories to brighten it up. I am working lots of hours now and making good money, so I am making a commitment to myself today to go out this weekend and buy myself whatever I want.

Gee, that felt good just making a decision that I am worthy of new bedroom goodies.

Hugs

HKAngel24

Ann~
Thanks for posting this.
I really need it today.
Once I get over one hump(minor acceptance)- another roadblock seems to pop up in my way (my low self-worth.)
Just a little self-worth can prevent someone from believing they deserve anything remotely close to the best. For so long I've bumped along the road believing I was a less than deserving character- a defective human being.
My mind has even convinced me of odd superstitions that if I BELIEVE i deserve the best, the universe will send me a sign that I better get back in my place and knock off the positivity.
Growing up in a Catholic school for 14 years of one's life can definitely implant the seed that we need to deprive ourselves to be "good" or "worthy."

Writing sounds just ridiculous but it's amazing how deeply ingrained some of these religious beliefs can be. Probably why it's hard for me to alter alot of my personal identification with God.
But enough of the ramble -- I am grateful for this post today. It reminds me that I can shed my fear of not being good enough and think big things for myself.

I always grew up believing that I was not ____ enough -- ending up believing I wasn't enough period- for anything! So, this reading today really makes me uncomfortable to believe- to swallow even, but I have to remember that remaining in my negative ways only serves to keep me stuck in old patterns and prohibits any change from occuring.

Ann

Read your signature, HKangel, and know you ARE worthy and loved.

Maybe today, go out and buy yourself something special, even a candle or some flowers and call them your "I AM worthy gifts".

Hmmmm, gives me an idea for another thread.

hope213

i had to call mr.h. in to read this one. he is a recovered herion addict of many, many ,many yrs. today he still thinks he is not worthy or does not deserve anything thing.he even has a problem buying himself new socks. me? he will buy,(get) anything for me. he does deserve so much & so do i. thanks for posting this. hugs,hope