moodswings =/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 17
moodswings =/
Hey Everyone,
First of all I want to thank everyone who has already helped me with my first post. It is so wonderful to have people to talk to that understand how all of this feels.
I never realized how horrible the mood swings are because of cocaine use until tonight. I love my boyfriend, there is no questioning that but I feel like hes gone, and there is just this person here replacing him . He was so horrible to me tonight, we dont live together so I called him so see if he wanted me to come over - so he told me that he would call me back this was at 9:30 pm.. so at 2:00am im going to be KINDA WORRIED if you havent called. So I called him to see what was up and all I hear from him is fussing, I couldnt even get in a word.. he told me that my number would be blocked tomorrow and hung up. I just dont understand how in the world his mind is working with all of this cocaine. How can you be so mean, just because some calls you? I am so hurt, so I wrote him an e-mail telling him that I wouldnt be around anymore and that I would be here when he decided that he needed help. Am I doing the right thing? Right now Im in Greenville because of college but after july Im moving home for a semester so that I can get away from this whole situation.. because it is literally killing me..is that wrong? or is it the best thing for me and him.. I'm just so confused.. I HATE this feeling.
First of all I want to thank everyone who has already helped me with my first post. It is so wonderful to have people to talk to that understand how all of this feels.
I never realized how horrible the mood swings are because of cocaine use until tonight. I love my boyfriend, there is no questioning that but I feel like hes gone, and there is just this person here replacing him . He was so horrible to me tonight, we dont live together so I called him so see if he wanted me to come over - so he told me that he would call me back this was at 9:30 pm.. so at 2:00am im going to be KINDA WORRIED if you havent called. So I called him to see what was up and all I hear from him is fussing, I couldnt even get in a word.. he told me that my number would be blocked tomorrow and hung up. I just dont understand how in the world his mind is working with all of this cocaine. How can you be so mean, just because some calls you? I am so hurt, so I wrote him an e-mail telling him that I wouldnt be around anymore and that I would be here when he decided that he needed help. Am I doing the right thing? Right now Im in Greenville because of college but after july Im moving home for a semester so that I can get away from this whole situation.. because it is literally killing me..is that wrong? or is it the best thing for me and him.. I'm just so confused.. I HATE this feeling.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: South Africa
Posts: 138
Its is most definately not wronmg. It is most important that you do what you need to in order to survive his addiction. Once/if he acknowledges he is an addict, he may change if he goes into recovery. For now, you have indeed losat him yto drugs.
Do what is best for you. You deserve much better.
Do what is best for you. You deserve much better.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Go home, move forward with your life, he is not the man for you, as an addict, he is not the man for anyone.
You are young, don't waste your time with him, he has no future, until he gets himself into recovery and stays clean and sober for life.
He will always be an addict, it is just a matter of whether he is using or not using.
This disease has no cure.
Do what's best for you.
You are young, don't waste your time with him, he has no future, until he gets himself into recovery and stays clean and sober for life.
He will always be an addict, it is just a matter of whether he is using or not using.
This disease has no cure.
Do what's best for you.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i agree with dolly, unless he wants to change then he won't change, there is nothing you can do to make him want it. addiction is for life and so is recovery. unless he commits to a life time of recovery, the life you have now will be the life you'll have on and off until he does. even rehab is not a guarentee, its up to the addict, and know that relapses are so common.
i've been waiting for my husband to get better for 21 yrs, and today we are still not together. is this the kind of life you want for yourself? time to think about you, go home and start a new life is what i would suggest to you. i'm a recovering addict and i know how hard it is to stay clean and i married an addict and i also know how painful that can be. take care of yourself, have you gone to any meetings yet?
i've been waiting for my husband to get better for 21 yrs, and today we are still not together. is this the kind of life you want for yourself? time to think about you, go home and start a new life is what i would suggest to you. i'm a recovering addict and i know how hard it is to stay clean and i married an addict and i also know how painful that can be. take care of yourself, have you gone to any meetings yet?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Ashley-
This is the thing. His mind ISN'T working. He is very sick.
First and foremost (this is incredibly difficult) you must begin to view him as an addict. Read the sticky at the top about WHAT ADDICTS DO.
He is an ill individual- expecting him to give you what you need or to treat you with any amount of respect, love or kindness is probably not possible at this point - especially in active addiction. You will continue to play the codependent role and he will continue to wallow in his addiction, which is a very demanding and self-centered disease. There is no room for the addict to behave like a normal person- so you should stop expecting to talk to HIM as the person you remember when you have encounters with him.
It took me awhile to be able to do this- I still have trouble. I forget that my abf is an addict and that I should not be surprised by the things that can come out of his mouth or by his actions. (I'm not even there yet, I still develop expectations.)
No it's not wrong and I firmly believe that physically removing yourself from a deeply damaging situation is what you need to do to take care of yourself.
The problem is that the longer we stay in the codependent role - in which WE ourselves are in denial, the more we begin to believe that either a. we deserve it or b. that it is normal! The side effects of this are a whittling away at your self-esteem and self-worth.
As was mentioned above- it is very important that you do what you need to do for you in order to survive his addiction.
Removing yourself from the situation- even ceasing contact for a few days to just be with yourself will bring more clarity.
Be patient with yourself- all of the answers and direction will not come at once.
Until I came here I didn't believe there was an alternative to being tossed about the waves of addiction- I hadn't a clue that I actually had a choice in the matter.
You have a choice my dear.
We're all here for you.
This is the thing. His mind ISN'T working. He is very sick.
First and foremost (this is incredibly difficult) you must begin to view him as an addict. Read the sticky at the top about WHAT ADDICTS DO.
He is an ill individual- expecting him to give you what you need or to treat you with any amount of respect, love or kindness is probably not possible at this point - especially in active addiction. You will continue to play the codependent role and he will continue to wallow in his addiction, which is a very demanding and self-centered disease. There is no room for the addict to behave like a normal person- so you should stop expecting to talk to HIM as the person you remember when you have encounters with him.
It took me awhile to be able to do this- I still have trouble. I forget that my abf is an addict and that I should not be surprised by the things that can come out of his mouth or by his actions. (I'm not even there yet, I still develop expectations.)
No it's not wrong and I firmly believe that physically removing yourself from a deeply damaging situation is what you need to do to take care of yourself.
The problem is that the longer we stay in the codependent role - in which WE ourselves are in denial, the more we begin to believe that either a. we deserve it or b. that it is normal! The side effects of this are a whittling away at your self-esteem and self-worth.
As was mentioned above- it is very important that you do what you need to do for you in order to survive his addiction.
Removing yourself from the situation- even ceasing contact for a few days to just be with yourself will bring more clarity.
Be patient with yourself- all of the answers and direction will not come at once.
Until I came here I didn't believe there was an alternative to being tossed about the waves of addiction- I hadn't a clue that I actually had a choice in the matter.
You have a choice my dear.
We're all here for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
((Ashley))
I'm so sorry that your heart is so broken right now. It really sounds like you are doing all of the right things to take care of yourself. I wish I would have learned as early on as you have. Just remember he is not the same person anymore. The person he was before probably wouldn't be hurting you. It is so sad what drugs do to good people. Keep in mind that you are not giving up on him, you are just giving him the space he needs to get control of his life. You sound like a really smart girl.
You deserve to have good things in your life.
Hugs and prayers.............Lo
I'm so sorry that your heart is so broken right now. It really sounds like you are doing all of the right things to take care of yourself. I wish I would have learned as early on as you have. Just remember he is not the same person anymore. The person he was before probably wouldn't be hurting you. It is so sad what drugs do to good people. Keep in mind that you are not giving up on him, you are just giving him the space he needs to get control of his life. You sound like a really smart girl.
You deserve to have good things in your life.
Hugs and prayers.............Lo
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
honey,do not call him. you deserve so much better. as i told you, you have a bright future ahead of you.you can not change your b.f. it is only going to get worse until he decides he has had enough.put the focus on you & hands off the addict.read all the stickys & all the post these other g.f. & wifes have posted.me? my son is the addict in my life.he served his 1st sentence at age 23 & has been in & out (mostly in)of prison since then.he is now 35.do you really want that? saying a pray for the both of you,.hugs, hope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 17
thanks everyone 
yeah at about four in the morning he called me begging to go to his house because he was sorry. I'm glad to say -- I didn't go. As hard as it is, to say no..I know thats what I have to do to get anywhere in this situation. Thanks for all the prayers!
yeah at about four in the morning he called me begging to go to his house because he was sorry. I'm glad to say -- I didn't go. As hard as it is, to say no..I know thats what I have to do to get anywhere in this situation. Thanks for all the prayers!
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