jennchip

Help! My alcoholic/drug addicted husband and I are in the midst of a divorce. He is in severe denial and claims that he does not have a problem. He was involuntarily admitted into detox (by me through a Marchman act) due to the abuse. There, he was diagnosed with cocaine and alcohol abuse (oral diagnosis given to me over the phone by drug/alcohol specialist). I never saw the results. He went to court to have them covered up.

The problem is that we are in the middle of fighting for custody. I will not let him take our 3 and 5 year old anywhere due to previous experiences and irresponsibility’s by him while he was in active addiction. He has put the kids in danger before. I have made it clear to him that he is allowed to see them with supervision for as long as he wants. Yet, he does not see the kids very often because he says that it is my way of manipulating his relationship with the kids.

I have no idea if he is getting help or not. I have no idea if he is using or not.

When he does come around, he is very verbally abusive and manipulating. His entire family thinks that I have "set him up". We live in a small town and he has told a lot of people that I am "framing" him.

I am afraid that he is going to get custody of our children. I am scared for their lives. I keep telling him that if he gets help and proves his sobriety then we can share custody of the kids. This just seems to make him meaner.


Is there anybody that has gone through this experience and can share? I am in a lot of pain because for one, my kids miss thier daddy so much and for two, I am scared.

teke

well i was in a custody battle for my kids and because i had a proven documented history, i had a hard time trying to prove that i was sober enough to be responsible for them. there were follow up visits from dfac and other children advocate groups. i had to show proof of me going to meetings, a job, adequate housing and had to have like personal recommendations. i don't think that since he does have a known history of addiction and abuse, that it will be that easy for him to just take the children or that a judge will just award him the kids. maybe you could talk to your lawyer about your concerns and allow him to tell you what your options are.

if you are afraid of him being abusive, maybe you should talk to a women's shelter, get restraining orders and whatever else you have to do to keep yourself safe. if you haven't already, change the locks on the door and keep a phone handy. take care of yourself and the kid and maybe began to document all conversations that you have with him until you are able to talk to a lawyer.

pjbs55

Please listen to Teke, she has good advise. Please do whatever you have to to protect yourself and your children. He sounds like he is still active the way he is acting and talking. Talk to your lawyer soon, the sooner the better, you don't have to put up with his abuse. Call the police if you have to next time he starts yelling etc at you, that is spousal abuse and the police don't like that.
I will keep you in my prayers.

jennchip

Sorry, let me be a little more clear...I am not scared of him physically abusing me because he is not abusive in this way. However, I am scared that he is going to get custody of our kids because of his alcohol and substance abuse.

laurie6781

First talk to your attorney. Insist on supervised visitation. If your attorney is not any help, you call Florida DCFS. Get them involved. They will become the advocate for your children.

Tell them all, tell them he cannot be trusted not to use when he has the children. Tell them of his lock up in the mental ward. They will get the info, and it will be presented in court.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Jwife22

I agree with Laurie---talk to your attorney. I know here, where I live, medical records can be subpoenaed if they have to be and if it were me, I might request the attorney get a Guardian ad Litem to represent the kids. The guardian represents what is in the children's best interest only, not yours or your husbands.

((((((jenn)))))) All of this is just my opinion

parentrecovers

i believe laurie is right - supervised visitation. it's difficult, i understand. blessings, k

rozied

Jen I belive everyone esp Teke & Laura have gven u good advice. Even though the records of his detox r sealed I believe a judge can get them if it has to do with what is in your childrens best interests,
Love,
Diane

jennchip

That's the problem! He has friends in high places. We live in a small town and everybody knows everyone. He has gotten away with murder (not literally) up until now, and I believe he can do it with his kids.

The judge has the alcohol and substance abuse assessments already. This is because the judge who immediatley had him admitted into detox is the same judge who will be overhearing our custody.

It is their in black and white: Alcohol and Cocaine Abuse
But still...my husband denies it and says that it was a set up. He is using the idea that "his rights were violated" as a way to keep the assessment results out of court.

My attorney seems to be underestimating him, but I know him. He is a serious manipulator and will do anything to get what he wants.

He has told me that when he went to the judge about his detox admittance that the judge told him, "if I would have talked with you that day I would not have admitted you into detox".

hope213

the judge knows about his abuse. get you a lawyer. hugs & prayers,

newblue82

No proof of his addiction. . .hmmm. . .I wonder if when you go to court and you mention to the judge of his drug use if you can't request a drug screen as proof of his addiction? Besides, it most custody battles the mother is the preferred guardian of children. I may be naive to say this but I really don't think you have much to worry about. Are you trying to make this transition as easy as possible for your children? How are they taking it? Try focusing more on their emotional needs and less on what may come to be out of your hands. Try focusing more on you and trust that things will work out. You're in my prayers.