an'ka

Well, I found AH on the couch sleeping at noon. There was a bottle of vodka underneath the couch and he missed all three flights to his work location. He is now checked into a motel, and the way he is going, he will not get out to work tomorrow either. He will lose his excellent job and the new one that he is supposed to start next week. In a matter of days, he will undo all that has been accomplished during the last six months of sobriety. How did I end up with this yo-yo of a marriage?

prodigal

You ended up in it by saying "I do."

newenglandgirl

Hey An'ka...

So frustrating and disappointing seeing them mess everything up with their drinking. I am sorry. Of course, even though we can't cure or control their addiction, it still affects our lives too...detached or not.

What are you doing to take care of you? I hope you are doing well, despite AH.

hugs,
neg

Sunflower

What a mess! So sorry for your troubles! It is so hard to watch them self distruct--makes us feel so helpless...and we are.
Tell me is he interested in recovery?

an'ka

For the last six months, I think he took pride in saying that he does not drink anymore. He said it was like eating rat poison--he just can't do it, period. In his job interview last week, he said that his family and work are priorities in his life, not drinking. This is why the fact that he relapsed the following day is so much more perplexing.

CE Girl

an'ka

I've asked myself the same question? How did I end up in this relationship?

The cold hard answer. I allowed it.

What's he aying about where he's at right now? Does he "admit" it and realize what he's losing. Or is he in the "blame" stage, where its everyone else fault, the "reason" he drinks? I know with my A, it takes movong a mountain to get him to even admit he's drinking, never mind that he might be screwing up!!!With my A, it takes some "sobriety" before he begins to realize the damage. And like his disease, thats "progressive". The longer he stays sober, the more he realizes, till it becomes a "reason" to go back to the bottle. Viscious circle. I beleive the pressure to be what they can only be SOBER becomes too much. My A is afraid of the unknown. And no matter how bad the known is, its "safe" to him. Could explain why your AH is doing what he's doing. .

We who love them are left to take care of ourselves.

((((HUGS))))

an'ka

CE Girl, he shook his head and smiled at me when I confronted him until I said that I saw his receipt from the liquor store and found that bottle yesterday. Now he doesn't deny it, but says that the only reason he is at the motel now is because I wouldn't let him stay at home! I guess it's my falut that I no longer tolerate drinking in my house. He says the only thing he is sorry about is that I found that bottle yesterday. When asked if he was sorry for lying to me and making me feel stupid for suspecting relapse, he said no. Go figure.

earthstar

Hi--I'm earthstar, and my Alcoholic is my son and he's in rehab right now, so I am having a little break. It sounds like you are doing what you need to do by not letting him stay with you when he's not sober, but it is so difficult, disruptive or YOUR life, and so painful. If there is a hell, it's what we go through. Hope he jumps back on the wagon in time to get the new job and not lose his marriage. Take care.

Janitw

Hey Prodigal - I bet when she said "I do" she didnt mean she would do it allllllll....

an'ka

Yep, I think if I'd seen the "blossoming" of my marriage before I said my vows, I'd have most likely said "I love you, but there is no f___ way!" Isn't that true for most of us?

CE Girl

This sounds so familiar to me. My A would be falling down, stumbling all over the place, unable ot form a thought and when I asked if he was drinking he would say no!!! Oh, and he drank vodka cause he MISTAKENLY thought it didn't "smell". WRONG!! I could smell it the minute I walked in the door. Even the next morning, when he was "sober" and at work, he would not admit it until HOURS of argument. I don't know? Guess its the "denial"?

Once, back inthe day, I asked him why he thought he could lie about it. He happened to be in a "sober" period and talked openly about his guilt, remorse and fear when he drank. I beleive while active that turns to arrogance. After all, isn't part of the road to recovery, in fact, the very first step, is HUMBLY admitting you are POWERLESS?!?!?!

One thing I know, my A is having a REALLY hard time with HUMBLE

It is not YOUR fault you have formed boundries. I for one, ADMIRE your strength to do it!

Don't cave,,,
Peace

an'ka

It certainly took a couple of years to finally put my foot down. I have a two year old to take care of and don't need disruptions caused by alcoholism. Oh, and the vodka comment--my AH's DOC used to be red wine, but as he got worse, he switched to hard liquor, mostly vodka. I cannot smell it on him at all, I just know that he is intoxicated. Don't know if that was the reason for the switch or if you can get "more bang for your buck" with liquor... Either way, haven't heard anything from him since early yesterday morning when I stopped by the motel. Who knows where he is and how this one is going to end...