Help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: mays landing nj
Posts: 168
Help
I just received the below e-mail from my son. He is just a disaster. I can't reach him, he must have not paid his cell phone bill again and the phone is off... Any help would be appreciated...
wrote: I am movining to your house because i cant do any thing right. Sorry 4
askining u 4 money, but i will pay u back every last dime. I feel that i am
moving backwords in life. U need to teache me how to fix my life and my
brain. 4 some reason I cant talk to u,nothing againest u I LOVE U! I suck
at talking and just about any other communications. I will go to the crazy
person doctor because I dont know whats wrong with me, but I want U to go
with me to some of the sessions.
wrote: I am movining to your house because i cant do any thing right. Sorry 4
askining u 4 money, but i will pay u back every last dime. I feel that i am
moving backwords in life. U need to teache me how to fix my life and my
brain. 4 some reason I cant talk to u,nothing againest u I LOVE U! I suck
at talking and just about any other communications. I will go to the crazy
person doctor because I dont know whats wrong with me, but I want U to go
with me to some of the sessions.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i don't have any words of wisdom either, i'm sorry. sounds like he's kind of tired but he also sounds like he wants you to teach him how to fix his life, just like he said. he has a plan though, hope he does go to the crazy person's doctor, maybe he'll find some direction there. as far as you trying to contact him, i'm sure that he'll be calling you or texting you again soon and at that time maybe you will find out whats really going on with him. in the meantime, keep the focus on you.
good hearing from you again, i thought about you. still praying for ya
good hearing from you again, i thought about you. still praying for ya
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Hugs))) Do what you can live with.
You might consider asking him if he is ready for inpatient treatment, and I don't think it would be wrong to have phone numbers of folks he could contact in that regard. There are rehabs that accept state medical coupons, and also free rehabs (like Salvation Army). But he really has to be at his bottom, and not just seeking a soft landing so that he can regroup and go back out again....
This is tough stuff. I found I could not have my addicted children in my home - too much chaos. It actually seemed to set them up for relapse - every time.
If you are going to Alanon or Naranon, you might consider doubling up on your meetings. If you are not attending, this might be a good time to start.
((hugs))
You might consider asking him if he is ready for inpatient treatment, and I don't think it would be wrong to have phone numbers of folks he could contact in that regard. There are rehabs that accept state medical coupons, and also free rehabs (like Salvation Army). But he really has to be at his bottom, and not just seeking a soft landing so that he can regroup and go back out again....
This is tough stuff. I found I could not have my addicted children in my home - too much chaos. It actually seemed to set them up for relapse - every time.
If you are going to Alanon or Naranon, you might consider doubling up on your meetings. If you are not attending, this might be a good time to start.
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
What I learned by going to the crazy person doctor with my addict daughter is that she wanted to dump all her crazy stuff on me. She would not share honestly when I was there. If you son is an adult it might be better if he goes alone. That way he does not have to worry about what he says and you will not feel the need to say things for him. As far as fixing him, it is not possible. He has to do the hard work for himself. I will keep you both in my prayers. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: totally lost
Posts: 250
Did you give him permission to move to your house? Or is he just assuming? His email looks sooooo much like my txt msgs. from my son when he was using. Things like "you can help me fix my life" and "I can't talk to you". Big time quacking, IMHO.
Until the addict knows they are responsible for every choice they make and no one can change anything, except them, they are quacking (they want money or a place to live or a good codie to make everything better without them having to do anything).
I'm not sure how old he is, but it doesn't really matter that much.
As for paying you back every last dime....well, my son is working now and clean and I still have not seen dime one of the 10k he owes me....so please forgive me in advance for laughing at that sentence. :-)
However, I know exactly how you feel, way too well. So sending out some prayers and hugs to you for some extra strength.
Good luck, Barb
Until the addict knows they are responsible for every choice they make and no one can change anything, except them, they are quacking (they want money or a place to live or a good codie to make everything better without them having to do anything).
I'm not sure how old he is, but it doesn't really matter that much.
As for paying you back every last dime....well, my son is working now and clean and I still have not seen dime one of the 10k he owes me....so please forgive me in advance for laughing at that sentence. :-)
However, I know exactly how you feel, way too well. So sending out some prayers and hugs to you for some extra strength.
Good luck, Barb
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
jacksdaughter,
I have received MANY of these same sort of communications from my oldest son when he was using. "I think I'm crazy" "I don't know what to do" "I have no where to live" Although in no way am I saying that your son is not ready for recovery.
The bottom line is...do you want him to come back home? You already know what ails him is something you can't fix.
I would have resources available, and explain to him that he will have to be ready for rehab if he comes to your home. In fact, I'd drive him there.
It's your decision Jacks, take your time and give it some thought on which way you want to go with this.
Hugs from one mom to another....
and prayers for your son...
I have received MANY of these same sort of communications from my oldest son when he was using. "I think I'm crazy" "I don't know what to do" "I have no where to live" Although in no way am I saying that your son is not ready for recovery.
The bottom line is...do you want him to come back home? You already know what ails him is something you can't fix.
I would have resources available, and explain to him that he will have to be ready for rehab if he comes to your home. In fact, I'd drive him there.
It's your decision Jacks, take your time and give it some thought on which way you want to go with this.
Hugs from one mom to another....
and prayers for your son...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
your son sounds as if he is ready for some help.you can suggest inpatient rehab.there are lots of free help out there if you do not have ins. he has got to want it & i hope he does.good luck & prayers for you both. i am glad you found us.keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In a State of Grace
Posts: 100
Dear Jacksdaughter,
He is not asking YOU if he can come home. He is telling YOU he is coming home. On top of that he ends the sentence in such a way to pull at YOUR heart strings to get his needs fulfilled. Then he goes on to tell YOU again what YOU need to do to help him. I don't mean to come off so harsh Jacksdaughter but the manipulation here is so blatant and just like another letter I read on here recently, it is cloaked in "LOVE".
Please re-read SecretMom's post. What she said has been my experience also.
Lithloren
Originally Posted by jacksdaughter 
wrote: I am movining to your house because i cant do any thing right. Sorry 4 askining u 4 money, but i will pay u back every last dime. I feel that i am moving backwords in life. U need to teache me how to fix my life and my brain. 4 some reason I cant talk to u,nothing againest u I LOVE U! I suck
at talking and just about any other communications. I will go to the crazy
person doctor because I dont know whats wrong with me, but I want U to go
with me to some of the sessions.
at talking and just about any other communications. I will go to the crazy
person doctor because I dont know whats wrong with me, but I want U to go
with me to some of the sessions.
Please re-read SecretMom's post. What she said has been my experience also.
Lithloren
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Jacksdaughter,
If he wants you to go with him to the crazy persons doctor, take him but make him go in alone for most of the meeting. This way he can be honest with the doctor and he will not have to worry about hurting you more. In NJ there are a lot of places he can go for help that the state pays for.
But most of all remember to take care of yourself. Being a mom of an addict I know the pain you are feeling. If you don't want him to move back with you tell him no he has to go someplace else. Please try to get to a face to face meeting. I think there are a few in your area. If you want to know where please feel free to send me a message and I will get you the places and times. I am going to one tonight in Pitman, and will get the list just in case you want to go to one.
Good luck, Hugs
If he wants you to go with him to the crazy persons doctor, take him but make him go in alone for most of the meeting. This way he can be honest with the doctor and he will not have to worry about hurting you more. In NJ there are a lot of places he can go for help that the state pays for.
But most of all remember to take care of yourself. Being a mom of an addict I know the pain you are feeling. If you don't want him to move back with you tell him no he has to go someplace else. Please try to get to a face to face meeting. I think there are a few in your area. If you want to know where please feel free to send me a message and I will get you the places and times. I am going to one tonight in Pitman, and will get the list just in case you want to go to one.
Good luck, Hugs
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