SarahOfTheShot

Hi All,

It's been months since my last post as I've not been staying clean, at all. In fact, my alcohol/drug use has gotten significantly worse since before my initial attempts to get clean. I've simply had no desire and find my weekend binges to be a rather exciting escape from the pressures of my life. But not any more, it's just not fun any more.

My little devils refuse to stay put on the weekend...especially these past few months. I've been missing work (like today), spent so much money I feel disgusted with myself and a long laundry list of other embarassing, scary and uncomfortable situations have occurred since I initially sought out sobriety.

I have been lurking here though, I've read about the few we've lost in this past month and my heart just breaks at this idea. People really die from addiction, it's hard to bare the thought that I might put my family through that.

So, here I am again. Day 1. I am working from home (but mostly just staying home) and spring cleaning my house from top to bottom. I feel the need to be reborn, perhaps this excerise in cleansing will help cleanse my spirit as well and allow me the strength to head in a new direction.

It's a shame how quickly and easy it is to find yourself an addict, I never thought it would happen to me and now I'm seeing that I've been fooling myself. I am, in fact, a perfect candidate to become something even darker than I am right a this moment.

I cannot let that happen.

So hello Day 1! Let's get this thing under way then, yes?

Thanks all, I'll be on more later.

PS: Does any know how to change my screen name or will I have to create a new profile?

Luckyv2

Glad that you are here Sarah. Yes it is really a blow when we finally admit that addiction has wiped our butts. But it was a relief to me to finally admit that I had to do something different also.

Glad that you are alive to tell us it doesn't get any better out there! And yes it does stop working ehh!?!

Changing screen names either PM Doug or Morning Glory and they will help you with that.

With Love and Respect

Vic

parentrecovers

glad to see you back. congrats on day 1 - blessings, k

Tazman53

Congrats on day one, remember you are not alone and there is no reason to fight this alone, you have SR and rooms full of people that have been right where you are at now in AA & NA. There is a solution, you are not alone.

tink360

First and foremost congratulations on day one. Its a good thing that you are able to recognize what is going on. That way you are able to do something about it. Often people relapse and allow themselves to believe that they are just fine and that they are handling things. On the outside their world is crashing before them, but their desire to stay high blinds them to reality. So, be sure to count our blessing that you are not blinded. Be sure to hit up some meetings and build up the faith in yourself. DOnt be too hard on yourself. Just remember, growing up you fall and scrape your knee many times, but you can always clean up and bandage it. Time will heal it. Stay strong and learn as you go.

livefree

Hi, Sarah. Good for you for coming back and making the decision to take care of yourself. You're doing the right thing. Have a good day and take care of yourself.

ayla zaire

wow, sarah......i'm so glad you came back, and with such a positive attitude.....you are so right, addiction sneaks up on anyone.......no one is immune.....one day you are fine, and the next day you wake up and realise that you have somehow allowed a drug to take over your life, to become more important than all of the things that should be priorities for you, more important than your own life and health.......and it is terrifying......

you are so brave for admitting to yourself that you have a problem......and if you keep that amazing positive attitude you have today, keep your sense of humor through the hardest parts, you'll make it.....just keep trying......it's not easy, as you know, but if you surround yourself with people who care about you and will support you through this, and come here....go to meetings, or whatever it takes to help you make it through the day.....i think you up your odds of getting clean and staying that way, i know it has worked for me so far, and i still struggle every day.....and never allow myself let my guard down, and if i do, i rat myself out to anyone who will listen, i guess that's my way of keeping myself in check.....

you can do this....

Creekryder

welcome back. Day one isn't so bad... better than negative day one.

Strongman

Hi Sarah,

well done on coming back.

I think that you might have been just like me. Gettting a bit clean sounds all right. It all depends on how you're feeling. Today I feel good with many great things happening but another day I feel like crap. We all know where that ends up. I don't care or need to know what you've been on other than to say addiction is a powerful thing. So powerful that everything else gets so far left behind that you don't even think about it. I'm a lonely 38 year old man and I have one thing to blame. My addiction.
I went into long term re habilitation for about 7 months about 3 and a half years ago. I loved it. They know how to work very hard on hard core drug addicts, me, and so they emerge an honest and far better person. They teach you how to use your talents for good instead of evil. I was dishonest, lying and dodgy in the extreme.

Strongman

I felt that I was all alone, nobody else felt like me. I treated my loved ones with contempt.
But yes their are other people (a tiny percentage) who are out their who feel the same and together we can conquer this problem. The hardest thing for me to overcome was my ingrained way of thinking.
I'm so proud of myself that I did this.

Please Sarah keep on searching until you find the help that you must have and emerge a far greater person.

Love Strongman

Hollyanne

Strongman,
This is a very old thread. You obviously have been reading+++++++.
That is good.