Hurting,and angry......
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 140
Hurting,and angry......
Hello there friends......once again I find my stomach in knots....another drunken episode....
we were making such progress.....in all areas....I felt mentaly I was feeling better....
I was working on...detaching.......my reactions...ext.....it does generaly work......but Iam finding my self stuck again.....in the chaous.....
when he's been drinking he becomes very sneaky....and love to make phone calls....usually to women....he's had an on going , growing group of women that he calls when he's drunk.....I've dealt with this for many years.....
I thought it was all cleaned up.....and we were making progress in our communication....he was being straigt with me.....I stopped checking his phones and thought Iam not going to let that affect me....Iam going to concentrate on my children, my family and home...my metal wel-ness.......
well......
He had given me the code for his cell phone.....having nothing to hide......so anyway.....I checked the messages last nite ......my instincts were telling me....something was off...he was drinking...and wamo.......2 messages......from a woman....which has been.....a.....past.....women...i have dealt with....had left 2 messages...
telling him that she was at her aunts house.....the nxt one said...she was sorry she didn't have a chance......to see him....while she was here and she was heading home..now...
I hit the roof, immediatly ......confronted him about this......He....denies anything.....who she is.....He gives me an ongoing speal.......he has no idea.....how she got his cell phone no or why she would be calling after all......he doesn't know anything......about her....
of course this drives me mental......mental.....I am so angry...
he changed the code on the cell phone....and is acting like a child....won't talk to me about it to resolve it.....I just want.....the truth......Iam so angry.......
he is avasive....avoids any meaning full conversation....I get no closure....valadation.....just a lump in my throat.....
I try not to let it affect me.....but ofcourse it does......Iam sick..and worried.....and....so frustrated....How do I handle this, get closure..... for myself....
we were making such progress.....in all areas....I felt mentaly I was feeling better....
I was working on...detaching.......my reactions...ext.....it does generaly work......but Iam finding my self stuck again.....in the chaous.....
when he's been drinking he becomes very sneaky....and love to make phone calls....usually to women....he's had an on going , growing group of women that he calls when he's drunk.....I've dealt with this for many years.....
I thought it was all cleaned up.....and we were making progress in our communication....he was being straigt with me.....I stopped checking his phones and thought Iam not going to let that affect me....Iam going to concentrate on my children, my family and home...my metal wel-ness.......
well......
He had given me the code for his cell phone.....having nothing to hide......so anyway.....I checked the messages last nite ......my instincts were telling me....something was off...he was drinking...and wamo.......2 messages......from a woman....which has been.....a.....past.....women...i have dealt with....had left 2 messages...
telling him that she was at her aunts house.....the nxt one said...she was sorry she didn't have a chance......to see him....while she was here and she was heading home..now...
I hit the roof, immediatly ......confronted him about this......He....denies anything.....who she is.....He gives me an ongoing speal.......he has no idea.....how she got his cell phone no or why she would be calling after all......he doesn't know anything......about her....
of course this drives me mental......mental.....I am so angry...
he changed the code on the cell phone....and is acting like a child....won't talk to me about it to resolve it.....I just want.....the truth......Iam so angry.......
he is avasive....avoids any meaning full conversation....I get no closure....valadation.....just a lump in my throat.....
I try not to let it affect me.....but ofcourse it does......Iam sick..and worried.....and....so frustrated....How do I handle this, get closure..... for myself....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hi Sally,
I'm sorry that you are so hurt and angry now. It's hard to love someone who lies to you. It sounds like you are getting some signals that it's time to re-evaluate this relationship. I'm sure the infidelity is as bad or worse than the alcoholism. Do some thinking and make sure that you make your decisions based on what is best for YOU. You deserve to have a loving, faithful and trustworthy partner. Be particular and never, ever settle for second best.
Hugs to you.
Peace,
Gabe
Hugs to you.
Peace,
Gabe
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Sally! Big hugs! Whether he denies it or not, this is really cruel and hurtful. I attibuted way too much of my A's meanness to the alcohol. Alcohol causes alot of problems but not all of these are because of this. Some of it is just plain abuse. I hope you get help. You are a good caring person who deserves it and you deserve to have others' as dedicated to you as you are to them.
More hugs,
live
More hugs,
live
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sally
He is an alcoholic who cheats....do you really want to spend your life letting him upset you and emotionally abuse you?
Look after yourself and your children, and stop letting him play with your mind. Go to a meeting, if you can, and start working on regaining your balance.
You can get through this, it will take some real effort on your part, but you're worth it Sally, and you deserve better.
He is an alcoholic who cheats....do you really want to spend your life letting him upset you and emotionally abuse you?
Look after yourself and your children, and stop letting him play with your mind. Go to a meeting, if you can, and start working on regaining your balance.
You can get through this, it will take some real effort on your part, but you're worth it Sally, and you deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Cincinnati OH
Posts: 28
Sally,
I am sorry for all your pain. I too have been in the same type of situation. Unfortunately this is part of the disease of alcoholism. The alcoholic whether currently using or not drinking but not in recovery, is trying to fill a void. The effect that alcohol once gave them, will not work after a time, so they turn to anything and everything to achieve that feeling again and to fill the void in thier heart. The only thing that can fill it is a higher power. Alcohol is as they say 'not the problem' alcohol is thier solution. The problem is lack of power. Once they are in recovery and awaken to the understanding of a higher power, only then will they know that working the 12 steps is thier solution. I can only share my expierence, strength and hope with you. I cannot offer advise. My husband was very unfaithful - thanks to AA and his higher power he is no longer the man he use to be. "Although I must also keep in mind that this is a 'one day at a time' program and can only live it that way.
I am sorry for all your pain. I too have been in the same type of situation. Unfortunately this is part of the disease of alcoholism. The alcoholic whether currently using or not drinking but not in recovery, is trying to fill a void. The effect that alcohol once gave them, will not work after a time, so they turn to anything and everything to achieve that feeling again and to fill the void in thier heart. The only thing that can fill it is a higher power. Alcohol is as they say 'not the problem' alcohol is thier solution. The problem is lack of power. Once they are in recovery and awaken to the understanding of a higher power, only then will they know that working the 12 steps is thier solution. I can only share my expierence, strength and hope with you. I cannot offer advise. My husband was very unfaithful - thanks to AA and his higher power he is no longer the man he use to be. "Although I must also keep in mind that this is a 'one day at a time' program and can only live it that way.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 140
thanks to all
Thanks for your reply's, I am working on taking care of myself.....I will work and progress....wether I stay with him.....I don't know...I have left 2 times already.....He has made his choices....and continues to do so.....I can't control....what he does....I can only control me....and take care of my children....
That is my main objective.....is to regain my strength....mentaly..get back on my feet......so I can be in a position to make a healty decision...
Of course I would never choose to have a cheating spouse....that is the hardest thing to deal with.....
but....as we know.....nothing will work for him....if he continues to make the choices he makes he will pay the price.....I am not the one to punish him....he will take care of that all alone....
emotionaly.....He does not have from me what he could have....that is the sad part.....and I don't recieve the companionship....I desire......Life dishes out.....some hard knocks....Nobody's life is perfect....and unfortunatly this is what I have to deal with......
I have been so fortunate to meet such incredible women.......through my recovery process.....it amazes me...I may have a terrible.....thing to deal with...but some people have it much more.....difficult.....and I find nothing but admiration....I know that FAITH can take us along way.....one day at a time....taking care of me......doing what I need to do.....serender...to a higher power.....because he is much more capable to handle the problem than I am.....
sometimes....we get lost in the chaous....and that's when we need....the help...., strength.....support.....
Thats when I need you all
and I've yet to be dissapointed......thank you agian....
That is my main objective.....is to regain my strength....mentaly..get back on my feet......so I can be in a position to make a healty decision...
Of course I would never choose to have a cheating spouse....that is the hardest thing to deal with.....
but....as we know.....nothing will work for him....if he continues to make the choices he makes he will pay the price.....I am not the one to punish him....he will take care of that all alone....
emotionaly.....He does not have from me what he could have....that is the sad part.....and I don't recieve the companionship....I desire......Life dishes out.....some hard knocks....Nobody's life is perfect....and unfortunatly this is what I have to deal with......
I have been so fortunate to meet such incredible women.......through my recovery process.....it amazes me...I may have a terrible.....thing to deal with...but some people have it much more.....difficult.....and I find nothing but admiration....I know that FAITH can take us along way.....one day at a time....taking care of me......doing what I need to do.....serender...to a higher power.....because he is much more capable to handle the problem than I am.....
sometimes....we get lost in the chaous....and that's when we need....the help...., strength.....support.....
Thats when I need you all
and I've yet to be dissapointed......thank you agian....
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