Who do you want to be?
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Who do you want to be?
I think as we get older we consider more, who am I ? What impression do I leave? In my own recovery I have stopped thinking of who I want him to be and focused on who I want me to be. One day that is all that will be left to prove I was ever here.
I think it is good to take our own inventory periodically to see how we're coming along.
Once we decide who we strive to be, I think it's easier to get there.
I want to be a kind but convicted person. I don't want who I am to waver and wobble depending on who I am with and what they believe. I want to be the kind of person who leaves every single contact feeling better than I found them, even if that simply includes a smile or kind word.
I see people who think they are foing just fine but are in fact caustic and so unhappy. They become cynical and critical. I don't want to be someoe so efected that I never notice the sunrises or sunsets, the cup is always half empty, I don't want to be someone who drags other peoples spirits down with my negativity.
If I decide to stay with my alcoholic husband, I shouldn't make everyone else pay for it. My ultimate goal is to see a smile on the face of the person I'm walking toward.
With this as a goal, it helps me to determine my path.
What kind of person do you want to be? I try to imagine what someone would say to describe me to someone who doesn't know me. Do you find that a helpful tool?
I think it is good to take our own inventory periodically to see how we're coming along.
Once we decide who we strive to be, I think it's easier to get there.
I want to be a kind but convicted person. I don't want who I am to waver and wobble depending on who I am with and what they believe. I want to be the kind of person who leaves every single contact feeling better than I found them, even if that simply includes a smile or kind word.
I see people who think they are foing just fine but are in fact caustic and so unhappy. They become cynical and critical. I don't want to be someoe so efected that I never notice the sunrises or sunsets, the cup is always half empty, I don't want to be someone who drags other peoples spirits down with my negativity.
If I decide to stay with my alcoholic husband, I shouldn't make everyone else pay for it. My ultimate goal is to see a smile on the face of the person I'm walking toward.
With this as a goal, it helps me to determine my path.
What kind of person do you want to be? I try to imagine what someone would say to describe me to someone who doesn't know me. Do you find that a helpful tool?
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
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mallow, from where I am coming today your post is very fitting. As I know I'm not exactly doing fine though I have extracted myself from xabf's life I still remain. My self confidence is pretty shot. I continue to hold on to negativity. Your post is inspirational. It's where I want to move with my life but it's become apparent that I am dragging around loads of my own self destructive habits. Negative behaviour. I know I don't inspire many smiles among people I work with.
This is why I'm here on this board today. Looking for some inspiration. Looking to be who I want to be. Happy with ME.
This is why I'm here on this board today. Looking for some inspiration. Looking to be who I want to be. Happy with ME.
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Lord knows there's a world of people out there who could use a hand. I often consider that at the end of my life, I will see all the people I could have helped and didn't. I guess I've come to believe that I'm sort of obligated to help others if I expect to have my prayers heard and answered. At the end of my life I have a feeling I'll see all the things I was blessed with and took for granted. Our alcoholics have one plan in mind but I know that God has another sometimes. We are an opportunity for some, including our alcoholics. They pray and we showed up, what did they do with that? If an alcoholic won't recieve us as a blessing in their life, I think it's OK to move on to those who will.
I have functioning arms and legs, a brain, a have a little money, not much, but if you're hungry it doesn't take much to buy a meal for someone. I have a closet full of clothes. Someone would love to have them. It would brighten their day. I can tell a little girl she is beautiful, I can tell a single mom what a great job shes' doing. People want to feel significant somehow. We can notice and say so. These things are free to give. We can inspire people.....or not. I recently attended a wedding and one guest went on and on about her own failed marriages. She talked about how SHE"D never marry again. I thought to myself, would it kill you not to kill the spirit of the day? This is a pristine young bride and groom with total joy on their faces. It was a pleasure to see and feel. I said to myself, Boy! God please never let me leave that kind of impression and have that kind of attitude. I've gotten more direct in the kind of energy I keep around me.
I once worked at a residence for the physically and mentaly challenged. They put in a flower bed at wheelchair height so wheelschair bound people could garden. I was out there with once resident who was paralized from the neck down. As we talked he asked me if grass tickled bare feet. He had never felt grass under his bare feet, he had never lifted a spoon to his own mouth. Just food for thought.
I have functioning arms and legs, a brain, a have a little money, not much, but if you're hungry it doesn't take much to buy a meal for someone. I have a closet full of clothes. Someone would love to have them. It would brighten their day. I can tell a little girl she is beautiful, I can tell a single mom what a great job shes' doing. People want to feel significant somehow. We can notice and say so. These things are free to give. We can inspire people.....or not. I recently attended a wedding and one guest went on and on about her own failed marriages. She talked about how SHE"D never marry again. I thought to myself, would it kill you not to kill the spirit of the day? This is a pristine young bride and groom with total joy on their faces. It was a pleasure to see and feel. I said to myself, Boy! God please never let me leave that kind of impression and have that kind of attitude. I've gotten more direct in the kind of energy I keep around me.
I once worked at a residence for the physically and mentaly challenged. They put in a flower bed at wheelchair height so wheelschair bound people could garden. I was out there with once resident who was paralized from the neck down. As we talked he asked me if grass tickled bare feet. He had never felt grass under his bare feet, he had never lifted a spoon to his own mouth. Just food for thought.
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Join Date: May 2005
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wow, I got chills from your reply.
One thing I do practice always is to compliment people. I'm shy by nature but in recent years I've been able to push myself to talk with strangers and compliment them or smile because that's certain'y something that makes my day. Like you said it's free.
One thing I do practice always is to compliment people. I'm shy by nature but in recent years I've been able to push myself to talk with strangers and compliment them or smile because that's certain'y something that makes my day. Like you said it's free.
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ps Mallowcup, I would describe you as a very insightful person. Your posts are always thought provoking and full of wisdom. I think you have lots to offer.
Seems as though people on this forum, people who have suffered from the effects of a loved one's addiction, are some of the most soulful and intelligent people on the net!
I think we all make each others lives better offering support here. It helps in our own recovery and it helps loads of other people.
Seems as though people on this forum, people who have suffered from the effects of a loved one's addiction, are some of the most soulful and intelligent people on the net!
I think we all make each others lives better offering support here. It helps in our own recovery and it helps loads of other people.
Last edited by sketscher; 05-06-2007 at 06:41 AM. Reason: typo
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I think this site helps us to rediscover our voice. Alcoholics sometimes don't understand that just because we don't talk doesn't mean we don't have something to say.
Maybe alcoholics are coated with teflon. Nothing sticks to them, you speak to them and the words just slide right off.
Maybe alcoholics are coated with teflon. Nothing sticks to them, you speak to them and the words just slide right off.
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Mallow, I'd also like to thank you very much for this insightful post. So many of us come here to vent, which is great because this is a safe place. But we need to remind ourselves from time to time that we, too, have become ill from our involvement with an A. We need to talk about OUR lives and what we're doing to progress in our recovery.
I lean on God for my strength. I ask him to show me how to have a merciful attitude towards AH. I had tons of anger stuffed down and loads of unforgiveness towards some pretty nasty things AH did to me. But, thankfully, those feelings are fading every day. My anger was only harming me and chewing me up. AH was off in laa-laa land and didn't give a fig what I thought anyway.
It sounds as if you have discovered what is really meaningful in life: significance is more important than success. We don't need a big, flashy car, tons of money, a zillion dollar house; we need to make a difference in other people's lives by helping them when they are in need. We need to look at our circumstances and see how much more fortunate we are than others who are suffering far more. We need to develop a good attitude.
I think our circumstances CAN stink, but I believe our attitude makes the difference as to how much we allow our circumstances to dictate our lives. I'm not in the most desirable of circumstances right now, but my attitude makes a world of difference. I can sit around and complain or I can thank God for the good things I have.
One day at a time.
I lean on God for my strength. I ask him to show me how to have a merciful attitude towards AH. I had tons of anger stuffed down and loads of unforgiveness towards some pretty nasty things AH did to me. But, thankfully, those feelings are fading every day. My anger was only harming me and chewing me up. AH was off in laa-laa land and didn't give a fig what I thought anyway.
It sounds as if you have discovered what is really meaningful in life: significance is more important than success. We don't need a big, flashy car, tons of money, a zillion dollar house; we need to make a difference in other people's lives by helping them when they are in need. We need to look at our circumstances and see how much more fortunate we are than others who are suffering far more. We need to develop a good attitude.
I think our circumstances CAN stink, but I believe our attitude makes the difference as to how much we allow our circumstances to dictate our lives. I'm not in the most desirable of circumstances right now, but my attitude makes a world of difference. I can sit around and complain or I can thank God for the good things I have.
One day at a time.
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That's an excellent question, Mallow. One that I'll have to give some serious thought to. I know who I am: a daughter, a sister, a mother, an artist, an animal lover, a volunteer, but I've hardly given any thought on who I'd like to be or how I'd like folks to remember me when I'm gone.
I'm going to have to do some heavy thinking on this topic.
I'm going to have to do some heavy thinking on this topic.
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Mallow as usual a wonderful posts....being nurses we see things other people don't--it changes us forever--everything is not so 'big' for us.We cry everyones tears plus our own.
For me--when I became disabled once I got over the fear and the anger--I statred noticing things at an even lower level than before--like the grass under my feet etc.....So acceptance is a big part of me. To understand you are where you are for a reason--stop always looking for more--be happy where you are. Life is so tough why be mean or spiteful to make it worse?Mallow I have never met you but I can tell you have a profound spirit inside you-and you touch many lives around you....
For me--when I became disabled once I got over the fear and the anger--I statred noticing things at an even lower level than before--like the grass under my feet etc.....So acceptance is a big part of me. To understand you are where you are for a reason--stop always looking for more--be happy where you are. Life is so tough why be mean or spiteful to make it worse?Mallow I have never met you but I can tell you have a profound spirit inside you-and you touch many lives around you....
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