You guys are always right!
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
You guys are always right!
You guys are always right!!!
AH is becoming a nightmare because I'm trying to take care of myself.
Even when you guys said he would I still thought, "Nah, he won't even notice!"
Boy was I wrong! All he has ever said was get your own life and stop worrying about me so much...blah, blah, blah...So now that I have(or am trying) he is driving me crazy.
He yells, he threatens, he pity parties!
You guys were so right! AGAIN!
So tell me why. I mean, he hardly cared before so why does he care now?
AH is becoming a nightmare because I'm trying to take care of myself.
Even when you guys said he would I still thought, "Nah, he won't even notice!"
Boy was I wrong! All he has ever said was get your own life and stop worrying about me so much...blah, blah, blah...So now that I have(or am trying) he is driving me crazy.
He yells, he threatens, he pity parties!
You guys were so right! AGAIN!
So tell me why. I mean, he hardly cared before so why does he care now?
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
Then you're doing it right. Has he started following you from room to room yet?
I don't have answers as to why....and I don't waste time trying to figure it out. My AH has started having dreams.....strange dreams....about what I am doing! lol So it's there in his unconcious mind too, because he can't figure out what is so different about me .....
His last dream he said that I was returning SAUSAGE (lmao) to Indiana! (from Ohio) as an excuse to see my BOYFRIEND.....He said that his mom, dad, aunt, brothers all knew what I was doing, but he didn't think it was strange, so they all pointed it out to him........
So of course, this week, every time he asks me where I am going, I tell him I am returning sausage!
I don't have answers as to why....and I don't waste time trying to figure it out. My AH has started having dreams.....strange dreams....about what I am doing! lol So it's there in his unconcious mind too, because he can't figure out what is so different about me .....
His last dream he said that I was returning SAUSAGE (lmao) to Indiana! (from Ohio) as an excuse to see my BOYFRIEND.....He said that his mom, dad, aunt, brothers all knew what I was doing, but he didn't think it was strange, so they all pointed it out to him........
So of course, this week, every time he asks me where I am going, I tell him I am returning sausage!
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Truth is you are taking care of you instead of him.
So he is not number one, the center of it all and he hates it.
But you are doing what you should and deep down you know it.
You will soon see that the less you feed into him the less powerful he will be.
There was once a small boy who asked his Grandfather about the two bears that lived in the woods.
His Grandfather told him there was one that was nice and one that would tear you up.
So he said “Grandfather, how do we stop the bear that will tear us up?”
So his Grandfather said “ Do not feed the mean one”
If you do not feed him, he will not grow and he will loose power.
You are doing the right thing.
So he is not number one, the center of it all and he hates it.
But you are doing what you should and deep down you know it.
You will soon see that the less you feed into him the less powerful he will be.
There was once a small boy who asked his Grandfather about the two bears that lived in the woods.
His Grandfather told him there was one that was nice and one that would tear you up.
So he said “Grandfather, how do we stop the bear that will tear us up?”
So his Grandfather said “ Do not feed the mean one”
If you do not feed him, he will not grow and he will loose power.
You are doing the right thing.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
He doesn't care anymore now than he did before you decided to get healthy. It's just that he doesn't have the control over you that he once had and he is playing his game to regain that control, and wants you to believe he now cares, and he doesn't, it's all a con game.
Chero, start making a plan for you...this will not get better until you stop focusing on him, what he does and all his nonsense.
Chero, start making a plan for you...this will not get better until you stop focusing on him, what he does and all his nonsense.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
They follow you from room to room because they're starting to notice that the winds of change are beginning to blow and that means that you'll likely be making your exit soon--which, of course, is exactly what you're planning to do.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Aaaah "the winds of change"! Yes, I agree. They have a sixth sense about that. And it really does make sense why when you think about the way (we think) their minds work.
Chero...you are moving towards a healthier, saner life...but be cautious and plan well (be safe). Take good care of you. I know it's cliche, but it's the most important thing. Do the things you need to do to get the life you deserve.
When the "winds of change" started to blow 'round my house, my AH started having suspicious dreams about me too! He'd wake up and tell me (in a serious tone of voice that communicated that he actually thought they were true) that he had a dream that I was cheating on him. If he only knew how completely faithful and loyal to him I really was he'd probably doubly kick himself for messing 'us' up. In my AH's case, he became delusional about many things in the last months of our relationship. He'd hallucinate, hear voices, thought he was psychic, etc. I have to be honest, that it crossed my mind that he was mentally ill in other ways besides alcoholism...but I've researched it, and I don't believe he is. I've read that prolonged, heavy drinking sometimes causes delusion.
Anyways, sweet Chero, yes, he senses your growth, and it makes him uncomfortable. He will most likely start to pull out the "big guns" now to try to put you back in your "place".
Chero...you are moving towards a healthier, saner life...but be cautious and plan well (be safe). Take good care of you. I know it's cliche, but it's the most important thing. Do the things you need to do to get the life you deserve.
When the "winds of change" started to blow 'round my house, my AH started having suspicious dreams about me too! He'd wake up and tell me (in a serious tone of voice that communicated that he actually thought they were true) that he had a dream that I was cheating on him. If he only knew how completely faithful and loyal to him I really was he'd probably doubly kick himself for messing 'us' up. In my AH's case, he became delusional about many things in the last months of our relationship. He'd hallucinate, hear voices, thought he was psychic, etc. I have to be honest, that it crossed my mind that he was mentally ill in other ways besides alcoholism...but I've researched it, and I don't believe he is. I've read that prolonged, heavy drinking sometimes causes delusion.
Anyways, sweet Chero, yes, he senses your growth, and it makes him uncomfortable. He will most likely start to pull out the "big guns" now to try to put you back in your "place".
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Oh, Mr. C, you made me cry. Deep down I know I'm doing the right thing, but it's so hard not to 'feed' him.
If I don't feed him he will lose power.
Thinking about it, that sounds right. The bad thing is hunger pains make people do crazy things.
If I don't feed him he will lose power.
Thinking about it, that sounds right. The bad thing is hunger pains make people do crazy things.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Chero, if he starts following you from room to room, grab your purse and car keys and leave the house for a few hours. Chances are, by the time you get home, he'll be passed out drunk. Chances are also good, he'll act as if nothing happened the next day.
I would highly suggest you have an escape plan in place. Make sure you have some money stashed where he can't find it, have a bag packed with necessary items, and have your cell phone nearby. I'm telling you from experience, if they don't get the attention they demand, there is the possibility that his hand will make contact with your body. I know we all say, "Naaahhh ... not a chance. He threatens, but he never does anything. It's just him blowing smoke." I assure you, it is NOT.
You can't wish yourself out of this circumstance. You have to do it on your own strength and the strength that God will give you. Please be careful. A drunk who realizes he is losing control over his victim will up the ante if he's in the mood.
I would highly suggest you have an escape plan in place. Make sure you have some money stashed where he can't find it, have a bag packed with necessary items, and have your cell phone nearby. I'm telling you from experience, if they don't get the attention they demand, there is the possibility that his hand will make contact with your body. I know we all say, "Naaahhh ... not a chance. He threatens, but he never does anything. It's just him blowing smoke." I assure you, it is NOT.
You can't wish yourself out of this circumstance. You have to do it on your own strength and the strength that God will give you. Please be careful. A drunk who realizes he is losing control over his victim will up the ante if he's in the mood.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
This isn't the worst he has been....by far not the worst.
But something just happen that made me sit up and take notice.
Out of the blue he said I was never going to leave him. He said he used to try to get me to leave but now he just wanted me to know I'm never going to leave. He's said he is locking the door and not letting me go. He was very calm and I stayed calm.
and
Okay, I know what ya'll are going to say. And I will admit, it scared me.
It was so strange and I AM scared or shocked...I don't even know how to feel.
But something just happen that made me sit up and take notice.
Out of the blue he said I was never going to leave him. He said he used to try to get me to leave but now he just wanted me to know I'm never going to leave. He's said he is locking the door and not letting me go. He was very calm and I stayed calm.
and
Okay, I know what ya'll are going to say. And I will admit, it scared me.
It was so strange and I AM scared or shocked...I don't even know how to feel.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Chero - do you have any friends or family that live near you? If so, do they know what you are dealing with? It's so important that you have people nearby who can support you. Also - where can you stay if you need to leave quickly?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
L-E-A-V-E !!!!!! N-O-W !!!
please chero--this is not a game he is playing--I have been there-many of us have--LISTEN to what we are telling you!!!!!!! I didn't have SR when I was married-you have people telling you what you need to do--DO IT--dial 911 if you can't leave--what are you waiting for??????
Mallow---you are one smart cookie(candy bar?) 3-11 would be a perfect shirt to work in living with an A..
please chero--this is not a game he is playing--I have been there-many of us have--LISTEN to what we are telling you!!!!!!! I didn't have SR when I was married-you have people telling you what you need to do--DO IT--dial 911 if you can't leave--what are you waiting for??????
Mallow---you are one smart cookie(candy bar?) 3-11 would be a perfect shirt to work in living with an A..
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
I wonder why I'm staying?
If I needed to leave I have a place to go. I think I'll go throw some things in a bag just in case.
If I needed to leave...if I needed to...if I needed to....
it doesn't sound right, does it? because things are moving past the need to phase and into the necessary.
If I needed to leave I have a place to go. I think I'll go throw some things in a bag just in case.
If I needed to leave...if I needed to...if I needed to....
it doesn't sound right, does it? because things are moving past the need to phase and into the necessary.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
it comes down to--you have to make a choice--a long overdue one by the sounds of it.....its simple--pack your bag and walk out the door---or dial 911 and have the police help you--there is really nothing else to tell you.....
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