Courage - i will keep coming back
Peace Hope Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 72
Courage - i will keep coming back
I can't thank everyone enough. It seems like I am the odd mad out in this house. I often think my 'recovering' husband is spineless and does nothing to help the boys recovery. i understand we can only work one program, and they appear closer to him - which sometime I think is becuase he doesn't challenge anyone to grow.
you are right - they need to move out of the house - 23 and 27; so time to move on - maybe if you have to pay bills somewhere there is less$ for other items. Often I feel like I should just go buy my own place, or move out for a while. I could use a break. And yet I feel guilty even thinking that. Have been attending meetings for 4 years and am just now starting to take a serious look at my own 4th step. Finding I thiught I had all my own answers - but it seems now the questions were old. I am growing and I am changing. In truth that scares me. I will have to face some of my own 'charachter defects' and hope that as I do a positive trait will bubble up from somewhere.
I know the 3 -C's, but the hardest thing for me to do - as a mom; is to see athletic academic all american's with degree's make these choices - deep down I don't think I get it. maybe I do and don't want to admit it. I wonder 'who took my perfect life? who took my white picket fence?'....and I wonder if when I answer I will have to say 'you took it from yourself - you let it go'.
My sponser told me I was an enabler - so I am readingup on that. She also tell's me to get down off my cross and do something constructive with my nails. I love that gal - she is loving and kind and gets in my face when I need it.
I look forward to my continued growth - and I thank you all for your courage - sharing you stories and sharing your pain and sharing HOPE and love. I am grateful.
The line below made me laugh...I needed that. Not only was it funny, it was true. My 'dragons' (the addicts / recovering addicts) do think i am crunchy...and they don't mind taking a bite out of me. So I will make it a point to engage them only at a safe distance. God Bless! You too remain in my prayers, along with those you love. I am finding there are some very healthy things one can do here on the internet - this is like 'online meetings' -
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
you are right - they need to move out of the house - 23 and 27; so time to move on - maybe if you have to pay bills somewhere there is less$ for other items. Often I feel like I should just go buy my own place, or move out for a while. I could use a break. And yet I feel guilty even thinking that. Have been attending meetings for 4 years and am just now starting to take a serious look at my own 4th step. Finding I thiught I had all my own answers - but it seems now the questions were old. I am growing and I am changing. In truth that scares me. I will have to face some of my own 'charachter defects' and hope that as I do a positive trait will bubble up from somewhere.
I know the 3 -C's, but the hardest thing for me to do - as a mom; is to see athletic academic all american's with degree's make these choices - deep down I don't think I get it. maybe I do and don't want to admit it. I wonder 'who took my perfect life? who took my white picket fence?'....and I wonder if when I answer I will have to say 'you took it from yourself - you let it go'.
My sponser told me I was an enabler - so I am readingup on that. She also tell's me to get down off my cross and do something constructive with my nails. I love that gal - she is loving and kind and gets in my face when I need it.
I look forward to my continued growth - and I thank you all for your courage - sharing you stories and sharing your pain and sharing HOPE and love. I am grateful.
The line below made me laugh...I needed that. Not only was it funny, it was true. My 'dragons' (the addicts / recovering addicts) do think i am crunchy...and they don't mind taking a bite out of me. So I will make it a point to engage them only at a safe distance. God Bless! You too remain in my prayers, along with those you love. I am finding there are some very healthy things one can do here on the internet - this is like 'online meetings' -
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Peace Hope Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 72
thank you so very very much!
((( hugs)))) and prayers
to you and your precious family too!
I am trying to get the hang of this..any advise on the 4th step..mine, not anyone elses..I can only work my program and find that is tough enough!
((( hugs)))) and prayers
to you and your precious family too!
I am trying to get the hang of this..any advise on the 4th step..mine, not anyone elses..I can only work my program and find that is tough enough!
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Hi, It is nice to met you. My name is Diane & the addict in my life is my 40 yr old son. I too wil keep you & yours in my prayers.
I have been dealing with the disease of addiction since my 1st mariage when I was 18 yrs old. He was a compulsve gambler. Now I am bk to this site cuz of my son.
I still have a hard time " getting it " so don't feel bad.
In fact my ex called the day before yesterday after 27 yrs & told me he had went from gambling to drugs & only now has been clean the last 41/2 yrs. When I told him about our son he said he would talk to him if I wanted BUT he knew from his own experience that until a person has had enough nothing you can do or say makes a difference.
Wishing you the best,
Diane
I have been dealing with the disease of addiction since my 1st mariage when I was 18 yrs old. He was a compulsve gambler. Now I am bk to this site cuz of my son.
I still have a hard time " getting it " so don't feel bad.
In fact my ex called the day before yesterday after 27 yrs & told me he had went from gambling to drugs & only now has been clean the last 41/2 yrs. When I told him about our son he said he would talk to him if I wanted BUT he knew from his own experience that until a person has had enough nothing you can do or say makes a difference.
Wishing you the best,
Diane
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Your sponsor sounds like a very wise woman. Take care of you. The addicts can and do take care of their needs. I know it is hard after spending years taking care of everyone else. You do tend to forget yourself in the process, so even if it is just something small, do it for yourself. Soon it will feel like second nature. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by BlvninGod 
She also tell's me to get down off my cross and do something constructive with my nails.
I just love what your sponsor said. She sounds like a very wise woman.
I'm so glad you have joined us here at SR.
Hugs...and prayers for you and your family.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
She also tell's me to get down off my cross and do something constructive with my nails. I love that gal - she is loving and kind and gets in my face when I need it.
Wow...can she sponsor me too? She sounds awesome...what a wonderful person to have to help you on your recovery journey.
If I had to name the two biggest things that have helped me in my recovery, it is fighting hard every time I want to control something uncontrolable and battling every time any thought vaguely resembling "why me" comes into my mind. Both thoughts do nothing but bring me down...they don't help or fix anything and are only negative.
I think I have mentioned here before that when thoughts get particularly obsessive, I start talking out loud (when I can without someone trying to lock me away that is
) Talking alound can't be accomplished why other thoughts are in my head, so it helps me to focus on using my tools. I say things like Greet, who are you to feel sorry for yourself...time to make a gratitiude list...I am grateful for...and then I list all the things I am grateful for. That list gets longer and longer and I find I can not have gratitude and despair at the same time. Gratitude always wins out when I take the time to remember all I have. I used to have the "perfect world," the straight A students, the athletes, the lovely home and good job and perfect kids. But in many ways my life was empty too. Addiction took things from me and took my daughter too, but it also brought me to a level of spirituality that I know I would never have sought in that "perfect" world; so much self knowledge and awareness and self confidence, an appreciation of life's small joys and the beauty of the world and a feeling of serenity I never experienced before in my life. I love my program...I love that my oldest daughter found recovery and has ESH and wisdom well beyond her years, and I am glad that my youngest no longer suffers and is at peace. Do I want her back and miss her every day? Absolutely, but focusing on her peace rather than my sadness helps me to move forward.
So...no victim role for me...I am not just a survivor, I am living and experiencing life's joys and trying hard to give back in ways that are more satisfying than when I had my "perfect" world. I have my moments of course and I will always need a program to keep me moving forward, but I am in such a better place than I was just one year ago. Hugs and continued prayers for your whole family.
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