dolly pop

Hi was'nt going to post a new thread until i was at least 1 week, sorry temp sponser....... Taz i'm sorry..
5 days and what happens....
i'm such a mess..40 next week....
on probation, been breached,,
i always said i would be an adult at 40..
so why the hell do i think i'm 20.
is it because most people of my age (in England) have got a house, a job a morgage ,an married with three children?

very very lost dolly pop

Tazman53

Dolly it happened, move on, learn from it.

What have you been doing to stay sober?

What have you not been doing?

What should you be doing?

The answer to the above 3 questions will lead you to the solution, keep in mind hon that the solution takes action.

topetah

so you had a slip. just move on and stay focused. 5 days is really great! now shoot for more. i wouldnt worry what other people have. house job kids. if i thought like that i would be depressed as hell.. im 34 and still act like 18 when i get drunk/use. i dont know why that is. just takes some of us more time to grow up i guess. your not alone thats for sure. chalk this one down as a learning experance and avoid what made you use this last time. good luck! jason

SaTiT

probably...

i don't know what gose on behind closed doors.
it looks good from the outside sometimes, dosn't it.

I'm 40 and still act like an 18 year old sometimes...so
I raised children, had jobs, house and responsiablities... experincene it.
Some good , some bad.
i got more mature..but it didn't have anything to do with rasing a family.

I became above the influence of alcohol, then
I became above the influence of people in general.

A prmised i made to myself..before I got sober.
Not to be bitter person..I was really, really, freanken bitter.
I lost Jordan (duaghter) in a bitter divorced battle.
Jordan was my only hope of ever living again.
Being clean and sober all these years has never brought her back to me.
I still love her as much as the day she was born.

A promise is a promise..I'm not going to be a bitter man at any age.
keeping a young mind and a young heart helps me.
Acting like an 18 year old helps too.
18 is a good age...old enough to be a man, young enough to be a kid.

parentrecovers

it's ok, it's a tough disease, dolly pop. don't lose hope. you can do this. blessings, k

TenPacks

Dolly, Don't be too hard on yourself - we almost would be singing the same tune right now. I'm on my 5th day, and damn near went starkers last night, between insomnia and a CRAZY itchiness all over me for a few hours... believe me, the urge was REALLY strong, about 8 hours ago!



And as far as material things, that's "window dressing" in this life - I can attest to that, even at this first tenetive step back from the edge. I went to an AA meeting yesterday for the first time in almost 6 years - I'd been going fairly regularly for a couple months back then, and what I had rationalized back then was that I didn't have any "war stories", like everyone else:

- I was recently retired, in my early 50's, from a long and satisfactory career - one that even had it's moments in the sun.
- I had NEVER been picked up by the police, for anything.
- I had raised two fine sons, who were doing well on their own.
- I had a good marriage, of nearly 30 years at that time.
- I had never gone violent or created chaos while drunk (well, not the kind you would SEE, anyway)
- I had never lost my house; Hell I didn't even have a Mortgage anymore!
- etc, etc, etc...

Well, a lot of that came within a hairs-breadth of falling apart a few weeks ago, when I had what I now see was a LONG-overdue anxiety-breakdown.... basically from trying to keep all the balls in the air for too long, while knocking back what had crept up to close to a bottle (26'er) of vodka a night!
Thank God for the willingness of some folks to forgive me.

Thank God for His willingness, too - when it comes right down to it....



So, hang in there, give your self another chance (or two or twenty, whatever it takes).

die tryin

The only way I stopped was to learn how to stay stopped.If I had a dollar for everytime I attempted to quit drinking,I would be a very rich person.
Like everyone says here Dolly,keep trying..That's the only way to look at it.Stay focused on the solution.
Good luck,,

stone

Hi Dolly, don't get disheartened and dont worry about all that stuff like jobs and whatever, Tenpacks is right that stuff is all window-dressing. People can have all that stuff and be miserable too, what matters is on the inside-your peace of mind and happiness-these things are more important and can be attained by not drinking and working on yourself. It will take time and wont be easy but is worth it and so are you!
Don't let this turn into a binge, I can tell you now (from recent experience) you will regret that, just quit again now.
Sobriety is a journey not a destination. You just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Tazman53

So very true Stone, a life long journey, one that we all will make mistakes on, we just need to learn to not repeat our mistakes, forgive our selfs for them, make amends if needed and move on.

livefree

It's my understanding that we stop developing emotionally when we begin engaging in our addictive behavior. So, you may actually be younger emotionally than you are physically.

Try not to be hard on yourself, Dolly. We all make mistakes.

laurie6781

Actually 'recovery is a journey not a destination.' There is so much more to sobriety than just not drinking.

With that being said...........................Dolly you are still young at 40. I was 3 weeks shy of my 36th birthday, and had been living the last year and a half on the streets of Hollywood, when I finally realized that if I kept drinking I was going to die and if I tried to stop I was going to die, but I wanted to die sober. So I put the plug in the jug, and 24 hours later they were writing the time of death on my medical chart, they (the Drs after trying all day to keep my heart going) had given up after 28 minutes the last time. My heart decided to start on its own.

I was given a 2nd chance. Now I say this, not to scare you (well maybe a little bit to scare you) but to tell you you don't have to take it that far. Put the plug in the jug. Get yourself to an AA meeting, and then to another meeting and then another. Don't worry about the 'AA program' right now, go to feel safe. Go to be among people that are staying sober. Go to be among people that have been where you are now. Go to meet new people that just may become your sober friends. Hit every dang AA meeting you can find. After all, if you're in a meeting, you won't be drinking while you are there.

Get a few phone numbers of some other gals. Then when that 'urge' or 'craving' hits and there is no immediate meeting to run to call one of those nice ladies. They will talk you through it.

Sweetie, sobriety is not easy, you have to WANT it more than you want to drink. Those meetings will help you with that.

I am happy that you have found the courage to post on Sober Recovery, that is great, but I have to tell you there is nothing better than face to face help from someone who has been exactly where you are now.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care very much, but please get to some of those meetings, they will help a lot!!!

Love and hugs,

stone

Thanks Laurie, I got the quote wrong.

Hope you are feeling better today dolly.

IO Storm

I lost all when I got clean and sober last year.

I only began to get better when I threw myself into

my Higher Power's care and did not drink one day at

a time.

And...the second I started pitying myself my spirit stopped

me..after all..had I not just turned my day and everything in it

to Another more capable than I ?

My best to you...

Self Pity is your worst enemy Dolly....

Try faith instead...if only in yourself.

Love,

:

Sherry

xXBacktoBlackXx

All you can do is learn from the mistake and keep trying to stay sober. I think in the end it's worth it.