bforce067

Not folks who are on the fence or just got here. I'm contemplating telling my supervisor at work about my problem. I feel I need a 28 day program and some counseling to beat this. I recently went 9 days without a drink but I fell down hard. I feel without a pro to evaluate why I drink I will continue to fail. My question is: Should I fear telling my workplace (my supervisor that I have a drinking problem and that I may need to be absent from work for a cool month)? I can't afford to lose my job. I pay child support to my ex and can't fathom getting behind in that. I know my insurance will cover addiction therapy but I'm very concerned about losing my position which is one that I spent a good time acheiving. I know my sup would say yes and understand but the President is a different story. He's an ex Brigadier General in the Air Force and doesn't except failure or weakness. At least that is the feeling I get. What should I do. I can't afford personal out patient treatment as most if not all is not covered by my health plan. Thanks.

Surlyredhead

You don't have to tell exactly why you need to be gone, you only have to say that it is for medical reasons. The Doctor at the treatment facility should be able to give you a note saying you were in from this date-to that date for medical treatment...nothing more. Some states have a law that prohibits getting fired for getting medical help. I would check there first, then it is up to you, the amount of information you share.

Good luck...Cathy

Rowan

Hi Bforce, I'm glad you found us and are seeking help.

I don't have a lot of experience with regards to what your rights are as an employee, but one would THINK that you couldn't/shouldn't/wouldn't get fired for taking a month away to seek treatment for alcoholism. It's a disease, cancer is a disease - and I would be surprised if someone with cancer was let go if they needed to take a month off for chemo/radiation. I understand that you can't afford to lose your job and are paying child support, and I applaud you for trying to do the right thing in both of these areas.

I went to treatment 3 years ago - 28 days - and didn't lose my job. The whole thing was humiliating at the time, because I didn't tell my boss', they found out on their own. This is pretty funny actually. I was working as a 911 police dispatcher at the time and had called in sick. I was sober from alcohol but had been taking benzos for anxiety - and it got out of hand. I called my girlfriend at work (also a 911 person) - she had to put someone on hold to talk to me (someone who had called 911 for God's sake!) - and APPARENTLY I told her that I wanted to die blah blah.

So - the person with the REAL emergency complained about being put on hold, my friend got in trouble, and her phone logs were reviewed. Behold! A very familiar voice (mine!) was on the line, crying for help. In retrospect, it's the best thing that could have happened - my boss called me the following morning and asked me to come in - three of us had a heartfelt talk and they agreed with me that I needed treatment. They were absolutely fantastic.

I don't know if this helped or not - and I wish you the best in your own endeavours. Please keep us posted - I'm sure everything will work out as it's meant to.

Rowan

bforce067

but i would have to share this information where i work. i know it would be confidential but i would have to get approval to be out that long and i don't want to lie about it.

Grizzled

The Family Medical Leave Act is your friend. Your employer can not dismiss you if you go to HR and request medical leave. I found this out after I was in recovery for a while, of course.

The only problem is, you can not collect a wage while on medical leave, but that is small potatoes compared to getting sober.

You can always make a buck if you are sober. The other option is a little bleaker.

Use the resources at your disposal.

And good luck.

Grizzled

You don't have to tell them anything other than you need medical leave. The reason for it is not their business.

bforce067

should i go over my sup's head and talk to the president about this. he is an ex-general but he does have a good heart. or should i speak to my sup first who is also a real good guy (a little younger than me) IT knows i drink alot but i show up for work everyday and they (my dept. of 3 IT guys) just kinda make fun. I trust my VP not to spread it and I definately trust the Pres not to spread it. It's just shameful I guess.

bforce067

Thanks for that. I just hope my superiors feel the same way.

bforce067

that's my problem. i live pay check to paycheck as it is. missing child support payments is not an option for me and i don't have the savings to cover it. plus i would never let my ex know i was in treatment for alcoholism. she would use it against me in a heart beat. yeah! it's one of those situations.

Grizzled

F'ck shame. If you are really ready to get sober - just do it. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and told him I was a drunk. I figured I couln't get sober unless institutionalized.

I said the same things about you just have about financial and social worries related to my condition. He looked at me like I was an idiot.

Be careful about which course you choose, but I would consult a doctor before making ANY decisions on this.

bforce067

Tell me more about this Medical Leave Act please.

bforce067

just a note. all medical or insurance information gets sent to my employer first. it get's opened and then passed on. i've long felt that this is an invasion of privacy but they state since they pay for the coverage that they have every right to review the information contained within

Grizzled

http://www.dol.gov/esa/whd/fmla/

Your doctor will convey that alcoholism is a serious medical condition without mentioning your alcoholism.

bforce067

i'm just confused now. how should i approach this with my employer? i get the feeling that i should walk in and demand 28 day's. I need advice on how to handle this. i don't want my employer to give me the 28, let me work for a week, and then fire me for some arbitray reason.

Grizzled

Look, I'm an alcoholic. I went through the same thing you are going through only 7 short months ago. If I had to do it all over again I would do the same as before.

Talk to my doctor than follow his instructions.
My best thinking did nothing but get me in trouble and I still don't trust it.

Seriously, talk to your doctor. He can give much better advice than myself, and you will be amazed how forgiving your workplace can be and how much better your life will be.

bforce067

Message received. I'll make an appointment tommorrow wit my primary P. Thanks everybody for your input.

Grizzled

God bless fella.

bforce067

Well, I flaked. My sober mind got the best of me. I started to wonder what my ex-wife would think if I told her I couldn't take the boy's during my visitation weekends cause I was in rehab. It's ironic that the greatest time of wanting to get better is when I'm on a drunk or drinking. Of course that's not to say that I do not feel I have a problem when I am sober. I just weigh all the variables a little more to the detriment of healing myself. Thanks everyone for all the input! It has pushed me a bit closer to making a final decision on the rehab thing. I know it will be a positive in the end. I just have to hype myself up enough to take the step.

nogard

don't be so hard on yourself. This is not a race, its about getting sober and staying that way. How about telling your ex what is going on. For me I am honest to the point that it does not hurt anyone which includes me.

I wish you well and am praying for you.

Kevin

bforce067

My ex would use this against me for sure. It's just the way it is. I don't know why her image of me effects me so. Maybe it's because of what she may say to my 6 and 8 year old. Of course they see me drinking all the time which really is shameful to me. I do tell them that is is not good and that I'm being stupid but you know how it goes when you tell a kid something like that. I't my biggest fear for my children to follow in my footsteps. But damn, I just can't not do it even when I have them. I've done coke, x, weed, special k, ice. I've done it all and walked away from each one of those with no problem as a rec user. But the "legal" drug got me. I wish it was an illegal drug so I didn't have to see it in the coolers at the grocery store or the gas station. If I knew my random would include alcohol I'd be less apt to drink every night. I wish I could smoke a joint every now and then but I don't for fear of the random and losing my job.