newblue82

I went into town this past weekend. I had told my exAGF's mom that I was going to be in town and was wondering if she could baptise me because she's an ordained minister. She said she would ask if the church would allow her to keep the church open a little later then usual so she could do it in privacy. Anyway, she asked me if I had told my exAGF I was going to be in town and I told her no. I told her she could tell her though. So the night I got in, my ex called me and asked if I would hook up with her because she had missed me and she knew it'd be a while before she could see me again and she assured me that she would be on her "best" behavior. I agreed to see her and well. . .I had a "relapse". . .a big one!

So the next day she called me to join her at her cousin's house because they were having a bar-b-que so I said ok but before I could get out the door her daughter calls me and basically tells me that I have to be the stupidest b!@#$ on earth to be getting involved with her mother again. She told me that her mother was two-faced and was saying one thing to me (all the right things) while telling everyone else including her exgirlfriend?/roommate that she was just using me and that she WAS back with her ex but was lying to me that she wasn't because that way she could get what she wanted.

Frankly, I thought that it was inappropriate for her daughter who's 18 years old to call me using profanity and insulting me in the first place because it's none of her business what her mother and I do. Secondly, I was torn because I also know that my ex's daughter is in love with her mom's exgirlfriend/roommate and that she would say anything to me to help her mom and her mom's ex get back together. I was also torn because well hell my ex isn't exactly a trustworthy person either and if I confront her with what her daughter told me then it'd be damn likely my ex would lie about it anyway.

Instead, I went to the bar-b-que, I did confront my exAGF and as suspected, she lied to my face with a straight face looked me dead in the eyes and told me that her daughter was just trying to sabotage our relationship and that she loved me and no one had ever made her feel the way I do. I didn't believe any of it although I also don't believe that her daugther was telling the full truth either but based on my ex's actions I know that she's manipulative and cold hearted and selfish and WOULD say anything to keep me in her life because I'm valuable to her.

I let that go though because I didn't have the strength nor the patience to get into an argument with her and force feed her the truth about herself. I stayed at the bar-b-que and had a good time (good company). She hugged up on me the whole time, telling everyone that I was her wife-to-be and I just couldn't believe it. So before I left she asked if she could see me again and I said sure. Stupid, I know, I know. I had to be at work the next morning for 6AM and it was almost a 2HR drive back home but I agreed to stay in town a little longer because she said she wanted to "talk". Hook-Line-Sinker

She never showed. She never called. And you know what? I can't be mad at her because I was the idiot. I knew better. I know it was drugs that kept her away. She's been blowing up my cell ever since and I haven't been answering but right now I could kick my own a$$ for getting mixed up with her to the extent that I did. No, we're no back together and I didn't have any illusions to get back with her but still the minute I stepped back into her realm all the bull~!#$ came rushing back into my life and it was a much needed wake up call, a much needed REMINDER of why I stayed away in the first place!

Thank you all for listening to my ranting. I appreciate it

teke

sorry you had to go there and be hurt all over again, no need to beat yourself up though, i'm sure a lot of us have done the same thing, i know that i've done it so many times i can't even count. count it a lesson learned and move on from here. there is nothing wrong with having hope, so many times, i wanted to believe that the last time was the last time, but he is an addict and thats what addicts do. they'll lift you up to tear you down, it up to us to allow it to keep happening.

i still think you are doing good though, at least it didn't take you long to remember why you were staying away in the first place. i'll keep all of you in my prayers, i pray that she finds here way soon.

dollydo

Hey, we all do dumb things, we are after all...humanoids...goes with the territory.

Don't beat yourself up, just learn from this episode...don't make it peat and repeat.

You'll be fine, the foundation is there for sucess.

BigSis

Damn, girl... you learn lessons the same way I do! The HARD way....grin.

I really am sorry you had such a tough weekend... but it does look like you are taking away some strong lessons. Sometimes the price is worth the pain... after we get a distance down the road.

((hugs))

patchoulli

weak moments...we have all had them. At least you arent sick with worry over her and her behavior and you sound like you had a good time at the party. Marian

hope213

chalk it up as a lesson in life & go on. i know u really don't want that anymore. you enjoyed the company & the good food so it was not a loss.

greeteachday

I think we learn what we need to learn when we relapse, just like our addicts do. I'm glad you see it for what it is, but so sorry you had to go through the pain and stress. But just think about the progress you have made...it happened, you recognized it, can talk about it and sahre honestly and you quickly want to brush yourself off and move on. That's all terrific. Hugs and prayers.

newblue82

Thanks every one for your support and understanding. I must admit I was feeling more than a bit foolish about the whole thing. You know, for someone who supposedly doesn't have genuine feelings for me, she is KILLING my cell phone and voicemail! What is up with that?!

bookmiser

(((((NewBlue)))))

She knows she screwed up. That's what's up with that.

Hey, we've all relapsed in our own recovery. As codies, letting our guard down
to someone we love/once loved, is a given.
Your okay. Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Get back on that wagon of recovery.
I'm movin' over to make some room.
Love ya,

HKAngel24

I think that is the nature of being addicted to our addicts- making mistakes and than being able to realize where we forfeited ourselves.
The most painful thing is to KNOW someone is lying to you. I do not think I've even accepted yet that my bf is lying to me when things he tells me just do not add up.
Everytime we learn from our mistakes we have made progress.

mooselips

Hey Blue,
Consider it a lesson learned.

I think she keeps calling because she was hoping, she could reel that line in.

I've made past mistakes, hoping for a different ending too...

Hugs to you,

Jwife22

(((newblue))) We've all done it. Some of us still do it. It happens. Don't be hard on yourself. It takes what it takes to get us to where we need to be....

abtchonamission

I know that for me, the hope that I could hold onto some small part of the relationship with the person I wanted my ex to be was hard to let go of. Even after I ended the relationship, I continued to read the letters he sent (WHAT a wake up call, lol) and wrote many, many letters that the realistic side of me kept me from mailing.

IMO, it's pretty normal to do exactly what you did. I think most of us will find some kind of similar experience, and as Moose said, consider it a lesson learned.

newblue82

Yea and I was just a little hurt by what my ex's daughter told me. Up until getting this off my chest it was really bugging. I mean on the one hand my ex tells me that her daughter is lying to me because she has an alternative motive. That thought hurts too because why would any one deliberately lie on their own mother and cause me pain just because she can't have her own way. On the other hand, I can't trust my ex's word either and it just kills me to think that she's capable of using my love as a weapon against me. That's just cruel.

My ex's mother called me last night because my ex told her what her daughter had said to me. She called to tell me not to believe a word of what her granddaughter was saying because she didn't know the full story and that she knew for a fact that her daughter loved me, that it was her addiction that made her incapable of "showing" me the kind of love I show her and that my ex was trying to get her life together and no, she wasn't still dating her exgirlfriend/roommate.

That gave me some comfort because I know my ex's mom would never lie to me. Trust me she has told me the harsh truths about her daughter many times so I believe her. Though her words will never change the fact that her daughter is incapable of being in a healthy, functioning relationship. Bummer!

unsure of

yep we've all been there.

i hope you work on yourself and hopefully your ex with finally have the opportunty to woork on her own recovery.

my rabf when he relaped would use my affection for him as a weapon-- i never felt so foolish in my life. but you let it go and move on. i know in his heart and when he isn't using he would never do that. i love my addict not his addiction.

good luck