1_day@_a_time

I know MINE has trouble opening up all the time, it's a process.

A.A.'s Twelve Steps are a group of principles, spiritual in their nature, which, if practiced as a way of life, can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole.

I'm HARD pressed to think how this could be a bad thing.

It may change your life.

Forever.

Tom

chicago

this has nothing to do with recovery but physical health. over the weekend i got a wicked sunburn so im thinking its related to that. at work today around 8:30 i nearly passed out twice. both times i felt like i was dying and i started to pray. not sure what to make of it. they let me go home, im resting now and feel a little better. im going to the ER though if i feel like im fainting again. scared me to death. thank God everything appears to be okay. having a moment where the thought that time on this planet could be over is very scary.

1_day@_a_time

You are probably severely dehydrated.

Drink & use ice.

chicago

oops i meant that for its own thread. oh well. feeling okay so disregard. thanks.

BWMD

I finally did it! I went to my first meeting today. I cannot say it was a lot of fun.

I was shaking so badly from being so nervous that I dropped my keys, and almost dropped my HUGE Diet Coke. At that point the tears started to flow.

I wanted to kick myself and run the hell away, but I didn't.

I found a seat in the back, and continued to fell stupid because I was crying. At first I had a hard time hearing any thing that was being said due to all of the self hatered going on in my head.

I finally calmed down enough to hear some of what was being said, and I even laughed a few times.

Driving home the self-loathing returned BIG TIME. I wanted a drink so badly to kill the way I was feeling. It is an hour later, and no Vodka for me right now.

1_day@_a_time

W O W ! ! !

Awesome courage!!! GREAT post!

It has been my experience, when I don't drink, I no longer "treat" my alcoholism.

When I'm sober, my mind is on & out of control.

SO, I must build a whole new character.

There IS a way!!!

YOU just took the first step.

CONGRATS!!!!!

livefree

bwmd,
how are you doing now? i think it's great that you had the courage to go to a meeting. i know how hard it can be in the beginning, but it will get easier. it's OK to cry at meetings. everyone there has been a newcomer. keep going to meetings and keep posting on here. reading the bigbook has helped me when i'm not at a meeting. stay strong!

BWMD

Livefree,

Right now I would love to hit the bottle, but posting actually keeps me away. It is odd how talking about drinking is keeping me from drinking.

I though about buying the BB today, but that would have meant going to the front of the room.........That I was not ready for.

1_day@_a_time

there is no doubt a recovery book store in your area who has it

Tazman53

BWMD welcome home brother!!!! I drank for 40 years, got real bad, but let me save that for later, I was at the point where I had to drink, no choice medical detox and then straight to AA. It saved my life.

Look I live in Va., but I know there are a ton of meetings in Md. not sure where you live, but you can check out other meetings in your area on the net or simply call the AA hotline, it is right in the front of the phone book! LOL Try and find what is called a "Beginners" meeting, they are geared to people new to AA.

BTW just to let you know, you do not have to be sober to go to meetings, but you will get more out of a meeting if you are sober.

Trust me when I say you showing up at that meeting today helped other alcoholics stay sober today!

Every sober alcoholic at that meeting has been where you are at right now, I have.

Go to another meeting this afternoon or tonight, show up about 15 minutes early, just to hang out or maybe even talk to some one. Sit in the back again if you wish, cry if you want to, I have been sober for over 7 months and still shed a tear on occasion, I am a 53 year old red neck looking guy and I have yet to have one person find it odd that I cried.

If it is a discussion meeting and they ask you to share and you do not feel like saying anything just say "I'll pass, I am just listening". No one is going to push you to say a darn thing!

As God is my witness no one will bite you until you have been to at least three meetings!! JK LOL

Be prepared to stay a little late after the meeting, you may accidently make a freind that will know exactly how you are feeling right now.

I was scared to death at my first meeting and confused, I really did not get what was going on for several meetings, even though I was over a week sober my brain still was not working right. Slowly I started to understand some of what was being said, I went to my first AA meeting the first night I was in detox!!! Oh lord was I a mess!!

What amazed me is how in the heck could this people be so dag gone happy?

The more meetings you go to the better things get. You may want to ask someone either before or after the meeting about a temporary sponsor and what they do. If some one gives you thier phone number and ask you to give them a call do it! You are helping them stay sober and they are actually happy that you have called them even if it is just to say "Hi I am doing fine" or it is 3AM and you are wanting a drink so bad you can taste it. Trust me they probably called some one at that hour when they were new also.

BWMD

Tazman,

I have looked for beggining meetings close to me, but they are in the evenings. Every night for the next few months I will be on a baseball field some where.

The idea of getting there early or staying late to talk to anyone is not something I am ready for.

I will be going back. I do wish there was a women's only meeting close to me, but they don't exist.

1_day@_a_time

There is a meeting 2 blks away, but every Monday I drive over 30 miles one way, in Los Angeles traffic, no doubt going by 25+ meetings to attend the one I get most from.

It's worth it........like your life!

And yes, womens only meetings are a great idea.

I used to drive all over to drink and drug, so for me, I have no excuse.

Hope you will stick around!

BWMD

I am going to stick around. (If I can figure out how to use the smiies....J/K). A very helpful person told me about a meeting 50 miles from home that I might try tomorrow. My shrink can wait 15 mins..........Yes, I drive an hour to see my therapist.

1_day@_a_time

GREAT attitude!

Rowan

I was listening to a speaker tape on my way to work this morning - she said she stole a copy of the BB from the library - and returned it years later when she took her 4th ha ha
not suggesting you steal one! just made me think of this.
When you see someone crying at a meeting, and they are brand new, and raw with pain, it makes me cry - in a good way - it gives me hope to see someone come in that way - especially to see them grow and change and smile as time goes by.
Keep coming BWMD!

1_day@_a_time

funny, I flashed back to the same issue, I've heard the most common book stolen from the library is the BB.......

xXBacktoBlackXx

I went to the library a few days ago and checked out 2 books on alcoholism; one had to do with serenity and sobriety and the other was a book of alcoholic women's stories and their recovery. The BB was there but I was too embarrassed to check it out. Strange, yes, seeing as how I checked out 2 other books pertaining to alcoholism, but I also had other books on a variety of subjects in tow. I guess the BB made it seem so final that I was an alcoholic. Later, I realized I was being silly and I plan to return and check it out when I get home.

Anyway, thanks for this post. I don't have an open mind but I'm trying to gradually get there.

1_day@_a_time

.

BWMD

I am going tomorrow. I confessed to my shrink today that I had lied about going to meetings. I am there tomorrow.

BWMD

Tomorrow will be my second.