Northbaygrl

I recently started dating someone in AA. I myself am not a member, but I do not drink or do drugs, I guess they call me an unusual “Normy?” I have had friends in the program, but I am only recently learning all the in and outs of AA and sobriety. Anyway, this person that I have been dating had been sober for over a year, however, this past weekend she had a relapse, and being that I know so little about AA, I wasn't sure how to deal with it or what I do next. I did confront her about her drinking and she admitted to it, but couldn't tell me why she relapsed. She talked about all kinds of things and I listened, but never once could say why she decided to drink, and not just a little, she had been drinking on and off for about 3 days. She said she had a bad week, stuff came up in therapy, but she couldn't think of any specific triggers. I didn't judge, her I just tried to be there for her. So now, after the weekend is over and she went back home I am so scared as to what will happen next. Do I continue in this relationship hoping this will not happen again? Do I walk away now so she can focus more on her addiction? I feel so lost about all of this...any advice would be greatly appreciated.

denny57

Al-Anon may help. Also open AA meetings.

No one can tell you whether to stay or go. As I understand it, relapse it not uncommon.

Welcome to SR, look forward to getting to know you.

MsGolightly

welcome

i personally wouldn't stay in the relationship, hoping it won't happen again. i did that for awhile and it definitely happened over and over, but that's just my experience. how long have you been together? they recommend that those in their first year or two of sobriety shouldn't enter new relationships - because it takes that long for them to figure out who they are and take care of themselves in a healthy manner, let alone be in a relationship that will inevitably have ups and downs (i.e. triggers). keep reading here and posting... only you can know what is best for you.

FormerDoormat

I'm certainly not an expert on addiction (I only have experience with one alcoholic), but if you take a look around this forum, you'll see that relapse appears to be common with addicts. Perhaps you could do some research on the topic at your local library and online and begin to educate yourself on addiction. That will help you make an informed decision. Hanging out on this forum and finding an Alanon group in your area will be helpful, too. Looking foward to getting to know you.

newenglandgirl

Yes, it's important that you educate yourself. I wish I had before I married my A!
The addiction is SO much deeper than I could have ever imagined. I had NO idea.
Please take it seriously. Living with an active alcoholic (or a dry drunk) can be a really terrible way to go through life. Proceed with caution.

Northbaygrl

Thank you all for the great advice and info. I will definitly do some more research before I make a final decision, as well as seeing if I can find an Alanon group in my area.

Sunflower

IMHO---leave her alone to get thru her recovery--I would imagine trying to recover after a relapse--a relationship would be too much for her to deal with.The rate on relapse on As if very high.
Take a step back andthink--do you want to deal with this the rest of your life? or future? I hate to sound cruel but if I knew then what I know now--I would be running if I was you--

Cynay

Welcome to SR....

In this statement you are asking about what to do for her or because of her.... What about you.

You knew she was an Alcoholic, have you considered setting some boundries for yourself. How did her relasp make you feel, and what do you think.... I totally agree with getting educated on Alcoholism. For some reason you are attracted to an Alcoholic (I love alcoholics btw... ) and regardless if you decided (for you) to stay or go... you might want to be armed in the future with knowledge.

I look forward to getting to know you better... stick around lots of great people and information on these boards.

hope3

Hi northbaygrl, here are some links that might help in your

information seeking

This one is Natl. Inst. of alcoholism.

The frequently asked questions page...
http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/FAQs/Genera...lt.htm#treated

This is Al- Anon.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

Best wishes, hope3